I just love these stories. I always want the next generation to have it easier. That is one of the main reasons I taught in College. If I can help make it a bit easier for the ones behind me, I did part of my job in this reality.
I would include this blog as my way of trying to make it easier for others.
I had to work Sunday. But I had so much fun Saturday dressing, that I decided to do it again Sunday.
I took out some time to create a new outfit with a new top I bought a few weeks ago.
The top is a black and silver animal print. I love this top because of the hemline, lace along the top collar and back, the front droopy collar and the long sleeves. The material is stretchy and it hugs my body. It shows that I have not been eating right or exercising enough because I have a little stomach. But I love the feel and look of it.
I added a pair of grey pants and I have a new pair of black and silver ballerina shoes. But these shoes hurt my feet around the top of my toes. I love that these shoes show toe cleavage but they have no padding and force my toes against the shoe rims and it hurts just below the big toe area.. I am going to have to get rid of these shoes. That is too bad, but if they hurt after walking a few feet, then I can not wear them all day.
I added a blue pendant to my necklace along with a blue and white bracelet on one wrist and a black bracelet on the other.
This time I put on some lipstick which looks much better.
Here is a full shot of my outfit. I kept it on and completed my work for the day.
I added a shawl for a different look. I really liked this shawl. Its a gold and black knitted shawl and helped keep me warm. It has a hood which I kept laying down my back.
Here is an overall picture with my shawl over my outfit. I felt so warm and snugly. I made a nice warm cup of tea and sipped on it while working.
Here is a picture of the back of my top. You can see the lace and I like where the hemline tops at just below the hips.
Excuse the counter mess. I am trying to learn how to control my makeup explosion. Until I get a makeup vanity, this area will have to serve double duty.
It is funny that when I look at my pictures, I see so many flaws. But I know I am getting better because I see more of Susan coming out. I bet a year from now, I will see less flaws and more positive attributes.
Yesterday, I did get a change to play around with one of my dresses and try to build a wardrobe around it. It was an older dress and not one of my recent dresses for my Ohio trip.
Did not have time to play with my makeup. So pardon not atleast putting on lipstick.
I worked with a pretty brown, white a teal dress that has thick shoulder straps.
I tried this dress with and without the sweater and with a variety of shoes. I liked the jewelry I choose. The red and purple bangles around my wrist was an attempt to bring out the red specks in the sweater.
I recently bought this sweater for this dress. I wanted to give this dress another look.
Unlike boy clothes, I do not like wearing the same outfit twice. So I need to buy items that change the look of outfits.
Here is my outfit with a low height wedge and sweater
Here is the same outfit but without the sweater. My shoulders are more prominent without the sweater.
Here is the outfit without the sweater and I am wearing flats.
Here is the outfit without the sweater and the higher wedge heel. These are the shoes I wore in Orlando that "killed" my feet after wearing them over eight hours.
I have decided to keep these wedges. But I will wear them only for a short time.
This outfit has the higher wedges but with the sweater. This sweater reduces the look of my shoulders.
This is me in the same outfit as above but from a sitting position.
I like this flowery dress. The hemline is a good length. However, the straps make hiding my bra straps difficult. The sweater improves the outfit and was definitely a wise purchase.
Below is a nice set of two .gif pictures that show the impact of HRT on a 35 year old Transwoman. I noticed four things over the slightly more than 1 year time period..
Sometime during the later half, her shoulders appear to narrow (muscle loss?)
Breast growth is good
Stomach shrinks (how much from daily bike riding?)
Lost body hair (how much from shaving?)
I really want to get my stomach as flat as possible before I start HRT in June. I think being almost 60, I want to start with as feminine a body shape as possible, which means as little fat around the middle as possible.
Then after the blood work shows my body is controlled by estrogen more than testosterone, I will increase calories and reduce exercise in hopes the fat will deposit in feminine areas.
She did a good job of recording the changes and these changes were significant, to me.
Again my trip to Ohio has been delayed by the client. They say they are in a hurry, but I must put them on the back burner. The 4th quarter of 2015 was very slow for business. However, this quarter has been very busy and my client base is growing. As I devote more time to this business, my time as Susan has slowed. This is frustrating but I am still on course for 2017. I just can not get out and shop as much or even experiment and play around with makeup and style.
I "retired" from my job in May of 2015, because I could not transition there. I decided to build my business into a full-time endeavor before I present as my true self, full-time, in 2017. Also, it gave me time to create a second digital media business. My first project (Foxwoods) was not successful. We lost that contract bid. But a second client looks promising. This second business is my future because its based in the virtual economy. This is where global economic activity is headed. Being able to have global clients while living anywhere is my goal.
But my overall journey is going well.
It has been one week since my last electrology appointment and I have no regrowth above my lip or cheek area. There is a little under my chin, which I was told by E3000 would take the longest to clear because of its density and my hair grows in usual directions in that area. When I look in my mirror, I see Susan and that is progress.
I have made friends with a couple of my blog readers and we email each other. I am not expert, but I have been asked questions from women just starting out. I am glad to help.
My makeup is coming along and I am getting better. I need to practice more. But it will get better with time.
I am closing in on 100 days before I start HRT. It seem like a long way away, but I know its just around the corner.
With my electrology bill decreasing, I am going to move into voice lessons. March 2016 is my start date for lessons. So you will see more posts about my voice. Next week, I am going to start looking for a voice coach, either locally in Atlanta or via Skype. Any recommendations will be helpful.
Today, I have a very busy workday. But I am going to take some femtime and do a lemon facial. If I can take a break, I will try on my other new dress I bought for my Ohio trip and build a wardrobe around it.
Matching colors within my feminine wardrobe is a challenge for me. Growing up and being forced to wear boy clothes, I hated shopping and I would wear anything. My dad was a clothes guy. He bought high quality clothes and matched all the time. He use to take me shopping at stores like Barney's in New York City and try to get me to dress better. But it was my form of rejecting having to wear male clothes.
In college my friends use to call me "colorman" because I would wear any color and print at anytime. Once I started working, I began to wear basic colors.
So I never learned how to match colors within my female wardrobe. Now I use this color infograghic to help me match colors.
I like this chart because it matches the background color with four other colors. I am excited to finally get a chance to build my female wardrobe. I finally love to shop.
I have always felt that it is important that we keep out face ready for makeup. I found thatincorporating daily facial prep work gives me a nice healthy look whether in male or female mode. My makeup looks better and it means less work when out as Susan.
Cleanse - I shower twice a day (morning and night) and clean my face with non-soap facial cleaner during both showers.
Exfoliate - I exfoliate using a lemon once or twice a month.
Tone - Every morning I clean my face after I shower. I use witch hazel.
Moisturize - Every morning after I tone, I use liquid Vitamin E to moisturize my face.
Apply Primer - Before I put on my foundation, I apply primer to smooth out my face. The primer allows my foundation to set better.
The Georgia Senate passed a Religious Freedom (Discrimination) Bill. The Georgia House has passed a similar but slightly different bill earlier. A conference committee will merge both bills and I would expect Governor Deal to sign it.
Just like during the 80 years of Jim Crow, there are parts of the state population that will discriminate to their economic detriment. There is a reason that MS, AL and GA (which is AL without metro Atlanta) are at the bottom of economic activity and education. The majority of Georgia is rural. How will they create 21st Century jobs in a 19th Century culture?
Both the Atlanta Chamber of Commerce and the Georgia Hotel and Lodging Association are against the bill. I suspect Arthur Blank, owner of the Atlanta Falcons and a new $1B Mercedes Benz Stadium is upset. This will probably cost him and the Atlanta Tourist Industry the Super Bowl.
It will be interesting to see if the powerful business interests can stop this bill. This bill has already had a negative impact on the Metro Economy.
The rain woke me up this morning. Its now a cloudy day as it raining heavy last night. It's been kind of warm this winter in Atlanta. But the weather is helping me feel down this morning. Part of it is the weather but I also have a lot of work to complete today. Finally my dysphoria is kicking in. I think the dysphoria is due to the letdown from missing my Susan weekend.
The is suppose to pay me and the other consultant this week. If so, I can travel this weekend and enjoy the adventure.
What I am going to do today, is take about 90 minutes and have some Femtime. First, I am going to take a bath and body shave. Then I am going to work on my finger nails while watching some makeup videos..
Finally I am going to put on something soft and pretty while adding some makeup to lounge in.
This will make me much more productive for the day.
Saturday, I went to Alabama instead of Ohio. My plans are for Ohio next weekend. While in Alabama, I decided to drop by the Mall and visit the Fashion Fair booth at Belks. This is where I went a few weeks ago to get a makeover, but they did not have the foundation I needed. So I figured I would go by and see if they had it in stock.
I was in boy mode, so I could not get a makeover. But I could see if they had it and setup an appointment.
On my way in the door, I walked past two young men and noticed one of them had makeup on. He (will explain) had on foundation, eyebrow pencil, mascara, eyeliner, blush and lip gloss.
Actually, the foundation color was perfect but it was a little shinny. I think it was oil from his face coming through. He smiled and stated that he used Revlon from the drugstore and MAC products for everything else.
I told him I was headed to Fashion Fair to check out they foundation, but I saw his and had to ask him. I told him thanks and that I will look into Revlon but I am old school and love Fashion Fair.
I complimented him again and walked away. I think both guys were a little shocked that I was talking to them in a friendly and positive manner. So they did not say much. That is OK, I hope my short interaction with them will give them more confidence and let them know that there are supporters out there.
He was dressed as a guy and I did not believe he was trying to pass as female, So I used male pronouns.
I asked if she had any Butterscotch foundation in stock and she said no but when she gets some, she will put one package away for me.We ended up talking for about 30 minutes. We discussed politics, young people, grandkids and the future of Fashion Fair.
I told her to hold a bottle for me, call and I will come by for a makeover. I really like the clerk and she treated me so well without any issue about a guy buying makeup for himself. We really hit it off and I look forward to her makeover. I will drive from Atlanta, just so she can do it and we can talk some more.
I walked around the mall for awhile because it has been so long since I have been in one.
On the way out I passed a transwoman who was young and very pretty. Kind of like Stana, instead of gaydar, my transdar beeped. She was about my height with long straight blond hair, a short puffy skirt and brown boots. Her makeup was very good and she used contouring and highlighting.
She looked like a model and walked like one. She passed me and headed for the MAC counter. I wanted to talk with her, But I had to go or I would be late to my meeting.
Here I am in Alabama and I ran into two people from our community within one hour. I did not notice anyone giving either of them a difficult time, stares or laughter.
Friday, I went to one of my best friends mother's 90th birthday party. During the party I realized my main transition issue. Let me give you a little background.
Growing up in the late 1950's and 1960's, my parents had a group of friends that included 5 other couples. They were around the same age highly educated (All six men were medical or scientific doctors) with children. We all meet before kindergarten. The birthday girl (used as a term of endearment) was one of the 12 adults and is only one of 4 who remain.
The party last night brought together some of those children (now in out 50's and 60's) to celebrate. While sitting around the table, I thought how nice it was to come together for a birthday instead of a funeral.
It occurred to me, how will my transition will affect one of the next gatherings.
All put one of our group are guys. Out of the children I am in contact with, my sister is the only other woman in the group. My sister could not make it because of last minute plane ticket prices out of Orlando.
For example, when we took a group shot around the birthday girl, we had the only female in our group sit next to the celebrant and we guys stood up around her. How would my presenting as a female impact that picture. Would they want me to stand or sit on the other side of celebrant?
How would my presentation impact some of our guy stories. Those stories are still true but would everyone still feel at easy telling them? A few of our friends have passed, would they consider my male person as passing?
I think the problem is with me. I have found during this phase of Susan's growth that most of the problems and fear has been within me. I needed to cut my mental chains.
This fear of how this group will be impacted by my change, is my biggest issue. This is the group I need to come out to next. Its that next circle beyond my family. Its not a fear of rejection. Its a fear of how it changes the group dynamics.
One of the main reasons I right this blog is it helps me sort out these questions. Which then helps me find the solution.
BTW, some of our children were there. They are in their 20's. I notice one guy, in his 20's was hanging around this young girl all night. You would assume they were siblings, a couple or friends. I believe they were friends of one of the celebrant's grandchildren. I noticed the guy was thin maybe 5' 9" or 5' 10". He had on an all black out with red lipstick. He was wearing those new tight male pants with clogs. It did not appear to be a goth look.
I wondered if the lipstick was a trans signal. I was too busy with my friend and party guests my age to inquire. If it was a trans signal, I was going to tell him I was a transwoman and give him support. I did not know how to approach him and they left early.
I need to make that contact more of a priority. I consider that an important outreach and it bothers me I missed that opportunity.
I decided to try on one of the two new dresses I bought the other day. I wanted to find the right accessories for my weekend trip to Ohio.
I like this dress because of the white and black hemline along with the print. The neckline is for warmer weather and its a little tight. I am trying to reduce my upper body muscle with long cardio sessions. But I still find that size S dresses are tight around my shoulders and chest but fits fine every where else.
The straps of this dress make it hard to cover my bra straps. I do not like that like to have my bra straps show. Call me old fashion. So I really had to work my bra straps under the dress straps. I may pin them just to keep them hidden.
It will probably be too cold to wear this without a sweater during the day and a coat at night. I need to find a nice sweater and coat, this weekend.
I have some old black pumps that I paid a lot of money for, decades ago. they are still very comfortable and stylish.
I added a light blue pendant to my necklace with a black bracelet on one arm and a blue and white bracelet on the other arm.
The ankle bracelet and temporary tattoo, look nice and I need to polish these shoes.
Its funny because I hate polishing my male shoes. But I would never go out without my women shoes polished and the heels in good shape.
I wore my tattoo in public last night at the gym. My leggins were short and stopped above my tattoo.
There were no issues or looks as everyone is use to my outfits and I guess the tattoo is par for the course.
After I took my shower, the tattoo came off. That is OK, because I now know how easy they are to add. I need a little more practice. I will add one as needed for the day.
I added a black shawl to the dress. It added warmth and covered my shoulders, giving them a reduced look.
Its nice but in a crochet style, it seems to give off an old lady look. I am so-so about it. If I could find a wool or cotton shawl with some blue, that would look better. But, I may not have the time to find one.
However, a shawl will not be warm enough for that Ohio winter night.
I still will need that coat. My pea coat is too short, my winter white coat is too casual and my brown coat does not match. Of the three, the brown coat is both warm enough and long enough. So it will be my backup plan.
I have alot to do today, including an electrology session. So I hope I can find what I am looking for.
Last week, I bought a sheet of temporary tattoos. I have been very interested in adding a feminine tattoo along with my belly ring. BTW, my piercing has healed nicely and I am looking for a pretty dangliy ring to replace the one I have now.
But back to my tattoo. I decided to place a temporary tattoo on my ankle. So I chose the small butterfly at the bottom right corner of the sheet.
I washed and cleaned the area.
I removed the plastic cover
Then I cut out the image.
I placed the image face on my ankle
I used a wet towel to wet the paper that was placed against my ankle.
Finally, I removed the paper by peeling it off my ankle.
Here is how it looked.
I like it but it was too small. So I removed it and picked the butterfly at the upper right corner of the sheet, which was bigger. I repeated the 6 steps above. I need to add a 7th step with is to use baby powder to set the tattoo. But I do not have any today. I will buy some tonight.
This one is bigger and looks better. But I messed up the right side. I need more practice but I like it. I am going to wear this one to the gym tonight.
Family Research Council laid out a five point plan to legislate transgender people out of existence by making the legal, medical, and social climate too hostile for anyone to transition. Below is their 5 point action plan.
1. States and the federal government should not allow legal gender marker changes.
2. Transgender people should not have any legal protections against discrimination, nor should anyone be forced to respect their identity.
3. Transgender people should not be legally allowed to use facilities in accordance with their gender identity.
4. Medical coverage related to transition should not be provided by the government, or any other entity.
5. Transgender people should not be allowed to serve in the military.
In anearlier post, I stated how we have come a long way toward community acceptance. This is helping us find acceptance of ourselves.
Now come the blowback to this success. Organizations like the FRC are going to attempt to reverse out gains. Its up to each of us individually and collectively to fight back with the help of our supports in other communities. (Earlier Post)
They are using the fear of men in women's bathrooms. We can fight that with the help of transmen. These laws would require transmen to use woman bathrooms. Showing transmen in women bathrooms or having transmen testify that the law would require them to use women bathrooms would help create doubt in the law.
Below are a couple of memes created in an attempt to push back against these anti-translaws.
These types of responses along with support from the community in general and within other segments of the LGBT community are needed.
Another action point is to turn the bathroom law around by supporting gender neutral bathrooms. But I would call them "Family Bathrooms".
I raised three daughters and sending my young girls into the bathroom alone or ask an older lady to accompany my daughter was a problem. Sometimes, I took them in the men's bathroom with me. But family bathrooms changed that. When I found family bathrooms, it was a great relief to be able to accompany my young daughters and now granddaughter into a bathroom.
Also, family bathrooms would help mother with sons who fear sending their young boys into the men's bathroom. I bet many women take their young son's into the woman's bathroom. These laws would make that a crime.
We must stay vigallant because there are people who will continue to try and roll back out progress. In the words of Dr. King.... ".... aint nobody going to turn us around"
Yesterday, I went out looking for dresses and sweaters for my weekend Ohio car trip.
Today I wore my dark lipstick. When I started going out as a Femboy in late 2015, I wore clear lip gloss. Then by summer I started wearing red lipstick. That was a jump for me because a color lipstick stretches the boundaries.
Now I am stretching again by going out with dark red lipstick. When I had my Clinque makeover in November 2015, The clerk introduced me to a darker shade and I really like it. So as Susan I started wearing that darker color. Now I am moving that color which is definitely feminine to my Femboy look.
I like the color. I wore it all day without any issues.
This is my outfit for the day:
a red sweater
Blue Jeans with a black belt
Black/White pea coat
black/red/green flower ballerina shoes
I had a clerk at Goodwill tell me that she loved my outfit and I looked nice today.
A lady at Vitamin Shoppee used female pronouns while serving me.
Overall, I had a few longer looks, but I assume that was because of my cute outfit.
I spent about 6 hours shopping for dresses, sweaters and coats. It is going to be in the 50's during day on Saturday and Sunday in Ohio. But the issue will be about the evening. If I go out after dark, I need a long coat.
So I visited two Goodwill stores to find something. Below is a slide show of what I tried on.
They say that eyes are a window into your soul. I have noticed that bright clear and big eyes that pop are very feminine. I think there are four parts to getting that perfect feminine eye look.
In the 1990's, I used electrology to shape my eyebrows, so that I have a "natural" arch. Now I just brush them and add color to shape and fill them in. My current electrologist still zaps the few errant lashes that might appear.
I love using eyeliner. I am still learning how to improve applying it. I place liner along my bottom water line which is that area above the lashes and below my actual eyeball. I can not figure out how to add liner to my top waterline. So I add liner just above my top eyelashes. I am still working on how to get the top liner to give me that look. Liner above my top lashes, is not doing it.
I am getting much better with my mascara. I started with clear mascara to learn how to wear it everyday, even in boy mode. Now I wear black mascara even sometimes when it boy mode. My daughter helped me this fall with some nice tips. Once my mascara is dry, I curl my top lashes and they look great.
I believe, one of the biggest changes will be from HRT. I have noticed after watching timeline changes of transwomen taking HRT, that at some point their eyes clear and pop. You get this look of large and bright pretty eyes.
If you look at the timeline picture at the left. Notice her eyes after just 3.5 months of HRT. That might be a little too soon for us older girls, but her eyes really start to stand out (pop).
Adding this to the other three factors, really make your eye area project femininity.
Today, I am going to go out in Femboy mode and shop for a couple of outfits for this weekend.
I am taking a trip to Ohio this weekend. I am excited about it because I am going to present as my natural self, Susan. I have to drive up to inspect some property. So I immediately decided how I will do this as Susan.
I will rent a car Saturday morning and drive the 8 hours north as Susan. Once I check into the hotel, I will change and go out to dinner and a movie or jazz club.
Sunday, I will explore and shop. I will try and get a makeover from Fashion Fair or MAC.
Monday morning, I will work in boy mode and meet the client. Then drive back Monday afternoon, as Susan. I will stop by my youngest daughter's apartment. She has Monday and Tuesday off. I will probably spend the night and return to Atlanta on Tuesday.
This is going to fun. I am going to spend part of this week shopping for a couple of additional outfits. The 7 day forecast shows warmer weather (50+) on Saturday. But colder Sunday and Monday (40+). I am going to find a nice dress for both Saturday night and Tuesday.
My daughter may want to take me to her job and introduce me to everyone as her father but presenting as Susan.
Saturday, I traveled to Montgomery Alabama to inspect some property. I knew I would be gone all day, so I took an exercise outfit. Around 2 pm, I stopped at the only Planet Fintess is town and paid $5 as a guest to workout.
While signing in, the employee stated that their showers were not working due to a sewer problem. DARN! How am I going to clean up and go back to work?
I decided to stay and workout. Afterward I will go to the local Pilot Gas Station - Truck Stop and rent a show.
I changed into a basic black and pink outfit that I packed. I then went out on the exercise floor, just like in Atlanta and followed my basic routine. This was a smaller center and there were about 20 people exercising. I completed 15 minutes of warm up on the stairmaster and then 150 minutes (2.5 hours) on the elliptical machine. I stopped every 60 minutes for a quick water break.
As usual, I had no issues. I had a few people look at me but we all look at each other since its a small gym. I just smiled and continued sweating and watching TV. I think some of the looks were because I am slim and look good in this pick outfit. It's cute and it shows off my shapely legs.
Once I completed mt workout, I headed back to the men's locker room and used my towel to dry off. I them put on my coat, but I did not button it up because I was sweating and did not want to sweat too much into my coat.
It was cool outside, so I walked quickly too my car and headed to the Pilot Gas Station. The station was about 20 mile away, so it was not close and I put on the heat so that I would not catch a cold. I use Pilot or their sister station Flying J when I travel. I like the price of gas and the Flying J has good food.
Once I got there, I parked and went inside. It was crowded as usual and I had on my exercise clothes with a coat over me and a wet towel around my next. I explained to the cashier that I need to rent a shower because the gym showers were out. I have a frequent user Pilot card that gets me free coffee every once in awhile. The shower cost $11.00, but the lady gave me a courtesy shower. She felt bad for me, plus she might have liked my pink outfit. LOL
This is the first time I used one of their showers and it was really nice. There was a toilet, sink and tile shower stall. They provided a floor mat, towel, wash cloth and soap. The left picture is me in the shower room. I felt comfortable and safe while using it.
You may notice a breast line. I forgot to bring a new bra and panty set. So I worked out without a bra or panties on so I could wear a set after I showered. I must member not to do that again. Because after some time on HRT, I may not be able to workout without a bra on.
I thought about and figured, I could have bought a bra/panty set to either workout in or to put on after I showered.
This is why I do not shower at my gym. I this case, after decades of learning how to hide my chest in public, I could take a shower in the gym, dry off and dress either in the shower stall or run over to a toilet stall and dress. But here at Pilot, I had 100% privacy. The water was hot and the soap was plentiful.
After I finished, I went back up to the cashier and bought a slice of pizza and thanked her for the free use of the shower.
She was a very nice lady.
Here I was in southern central Alabama and had no problems.