Wednesday November 25, 2015 - Thoughts on my Saturday out with my daughter.

Saturday was an amazing day. When you are dressed as a regular guy, you get dresses and go out to interact with the world. You make sure you are dressed appropriately for your activities, but you are not wondering if you are walking right or what others think of your choice of socks. Compare that to dressing in the opposite gender and you worry about everything. Slowly you learn to fit in. But you still worry about your beard shadow, big feet, big hands...etc.

Saturday, I did not care about any of that. It was as though I was in boy mode. I just interacted with my daughter and the world. I knew I looked good and I was comfortable in my appearance. And the world ignored me.

At Goodwill, while my daughter and I were trying on clothes, there was a set of five young girls in their late teen or early 20's. They were also trying on items. I felt like part of a fashion show. We did not interact but everyone was trying on items and getting opinions. For my daughter and I, we gave opinions of different items we tried on. This allowed me to get a second opinion and try new more daring items, just to see what she thought.

At dinner, it was two women talking about makeup, clothes, family issues and style. She says that she tells her co-workers that she gets her style from me.

Now that all of  my daughter's grandparents have died, she talked about wishing she could ask them some questions she never asked. I told her I feel the same way about my grandparents. With my parents gone, I wish I could ask them some questions. So, I told her to remember to ask me any questions now while I am still around for the next 25 years to answer. I am that link between my offspring and ancestors.

Our discussion made me more determined to get those old 8MM and 16MM reels of film digitized.

A big new issues that came up was how did I want to be addressed by her in public. She has always called me dad, but should she still call me Dad, Susan or something else.

I noticed in Goodwill, she called me Dad. I thought about it and decided I am her Dad. I am not her Mom nor aunt. By calling me Dad, anyone hearing her would know I am a Transwomen. Guess what, they probably already know that. So I decided Dad was appropriate and I did not correct her. We discussed this at dinner and she said that she wants me to be comfortable and I told her the same thing. So calling me Dad was OK.

My daughter did mention that she did not know how to react to certain situations because she did not know how I would feel. I told her to follow her heart and what she feels like doing. I will follow her lead. This will allow me to get out of my normal comfort zone and learn.

Just like calling me Dad, I had to make a quick decision and adjust. It will setup unique situation that will make it easier for me in the future.

We both decided to do this again. But with Thanksgiving, my mother's memorial, Christmas and New Year, it looks like January before I can get there again.

I can not wait.

Tuesday November 24, 2015 - My Belly button ring has changed me.

Its funny that I was always against piercing and tattoos. Growing up in the 1960's, I always connected body piercing and tattoos with motorcycle gangs and rough people from the "wrong side of the tracts". Now I know that was uninformed and ignorant thinking.

I use to tell my college students that getting piercings and having tattoos would hinder their climb up the corporate latter.

For me, I was never interested in either until this year. As I has connected and expressed my femininity more, I found  both piercing and tattoos very feminine way of expression, if done tastefully. I still do not find lip, nose and other piercings attractive. Nor large limb size tattoos.

But I now find my belly ring so cute and feminine. Every morning as I get up a shower, I look in the mirror and Susan smiles because she sees something that is hers. I mean, I see a part of my femininity that I love and is expressed in a very intimate way.

It has also motivated me in a way that my electrology and weight loss have not. It is hard to explain, but its different. The beard removal, eye brow arching and weight loss were overall physical changes that everyone can see. But its not uniquely feminine. The eyebrow arching maybe but my glasses obscure them and some men (I see it in the latino community) keep their eye brows neat and clean.

But throughout the day, I feel my ring and I clean it three times a day. When I workout I feel it and when I shower its there for me to avoid while washing.

I can not wait for the 90 day healing period to end, so I can upgrade my ring. I want a slightly bigger ring and a dangle.

For right now, I want to make sure it heals and does not get infected. That means, I must constantly fight the urge to touch it. I am like a little child with a new toy and I have been told to wait until Christmas to play with the new toy.

Below are a few rings I am interested in as a replacement to the one I have now.

I like flowers and butterflies because they represent how I feel. The flowers are so pretty and represent life. While the butterfly represents my transition into my beautiful self.

Tuesday November 24, 2014 - Saturday, my daughter took me to her job.

After my belly button was pierced, my daughter and I went to dinner. After dinner, she had to go by her job to see if she was scheduled to work on Thanksgiving. Since she started only 3 months ago, I suspect being low woman on the "totem pole", means she has to work.

We drove up to the employee's parking lot and parked at the front of the building. There were very few cars there. My daughter asked if I wanted to come in. I told her no because she was going to run in and check the schedule real quick.

I said no, not because of my appearance but because she has a job with sensitive information. A non-employee should probably not be visiting during off hours. I did not want her to get in trouble by showing me around while the office was closed.

So I waited in the passenger seat and listened to the radio.

Just a few minutes later, my daughter came out, walking and talking with another employee. I will call the employee Mary (not her real name). They walking directly over to me. I opened the door and spin around in my seat, placing my legs out of the door.

My daughter introduced me as her Dad!

Mary introduced herself and said that now she sees where my daughter gets her style and that we do look alike. I noticed that as Susan, my daughter and I have the same facial structure, nose and hair color. I think its the hair that frames my face in a way that highlights out similarities. I agree, we do look very similar. The last time we went shopping in Atlanta, I took my daughter to my wig shop and the clerk stated that we looked similar.

I shook Mary's hand with  a more limited and softer handshake. She told me how much they love my daughter and she is doing a great job. I thanked them for giving my daughter the opportunity to do what she loves.

Mary complimented me on my boots and hoped I enjoyed my time in town. I mentioned I was headed back to Atlanta tonight. I was just coming to spend the day with my daughter. She said goodbye to me and told my daughter she will see her Monday.

I spun around in my seat, bring my feet back into the car. I am in shock as I realized that I am presenting as a woman, my daughter introduces me as her Dad and Mary treats me with compliments, respect and as another women.

My daughter got into the car and told me that Mary wanted to meet me. I did not know this, but my daughter had already told her friends and fellow employees  that her Dad is a Transwoman and that she gets her style from me.

She told me, I must come back and visit the office during office hours, so she can introduce me off to others.

I said ok, as we drove off.

I am ready!

I was not nervous driving up to her job, waiting in the car, seeing Mary walk up to the car nor meeting and talking to Mary. It felt so natural and it was three women talking.

What was also amazing is how my daughter treats me in public. She is proud of me and my presentation does not bother her. She has told me on many occasions that she is happy I am being authentic.

Monday November 23, 2015 - My belly piecing. I love it!

After I had a tour of the city, my daughter took me to the tattoo parlor for my belly piercing. Once I decided, weeks ago to get one, I asked my daughter to find a reasonable parlor.

We parked and walked in. At the front desk, the bearded man asked how he could help us. I told him I wanted a belly button ring. He handed me a form to complete.

While I completed the form, a young lady, about 18-20 years old was waiting to have her nipples pierced. She stated she had a belly pierced but it came out. She and my daughter talked while I finished the form.

Once I completed the form, the piercing guy asked me to pick from among six rings. I did not like any of them. These are the starter rings that must stay in 90 days before it can be replaced. He said these represent the sterile rings they keep in the back.  The other rings which I liked better, were not sterile, so they could not be used.

I thought about going to another parlor, but I figured I can wait 3 months.

The guy treated me nice and referred to me with female pronouns even though he made a copy of my ID with my obvious male picture. My daughter was excited and we looked at the ring choices. I decided on a red/pink ring with a jewel on both ends.

We sat and waited on the young girl to finish her nipple piercing. Then the guy came back to the front desk to accept my payment and discussed maintenance of the ring.

First  they offered to sell me a spray cleaner because I will need to clean it three times a day. At first I was not sure if I wanted to buy the spray. I figured I can make a cleaner that is cheaper. But after talking to my daughter and her issues with her ring, I decided to buy the spray.

The spray was $10 and the piercing with the ring was $35.

After I paid, I followed the guy into the piercing room.

Last week I viewed two Youtube videos of guys getting their belly buttons pierced. So I was familiar with what was next.

My daughter took the next set of pictures.





1) I was asked to stand up straight so that an entry mark could be made above my belly button.

2) The area was cleaned and the mark was made above my belly button.

3) I was asked to lay down so the piercing could be made. He used a needle attached to the ring.

4) He pierced my skin above the belly button area and exited inside the button area. It hurt for just a second.

5) Here is the completed piercing.

6) Here is another view with me standing.

The actual piercing did hurt when the needle pierced the thick part of my folded skin. But some of my electrology work was worse.

As I said earlier, I was told to spray the area 3 times a day and wait 90 days before changing the ring.

I like the color and placement of the ring. But I wanted a larger jewel and a dangle. But I am very happy with the ring. I love the look and feel of it. I can wait 3 months to change it. I am learning not to touch the area.

This ring is going to motivate me to exercise to keep my stomach down.

Sunday November 22, 2015 - A great day out with my daughter.

I left Atlanta around 11 am and reached TN around 1 pm. This post is a quick over view of what happened. Much more details will follow in the next few posts.

Once I arrived, I took a few minutes to freshen up. I did not take a good head-to-toe picture. The one on the left is me in my daughter's bathroom after I arrived. It was a little chilly, so I wore a nice sweater with grey skinny pants. I wore my creme jacket with my furry creme and brown boots.

My daughter finished vacuuming the carpet and put on her makeup. Next she took me on a short tour of the city.

The city is nice with a growing downtown of new midrise apartments and condominiums buildings.


The tour ended at the tattoo-body piercing shop. I had my belly button pieced and I love it! I will give a detailed description in Monday's post.

The picture on the left is an old picture of me with the coat and boots combination I wore.

After the piercing, we went to the nearest Goodwill and shopped for a while. This store was not as big as most of the Atlanta stores. It also had some new items from local stores.

We went to the dress section and discussed the dresses we saw. My style and taste is more conservative than my daughter. But we made suggests and talked color and how to mix and match shoes with certain dresses.

I found a jewelry area that had some surprisingly large bangles. So I bought a few. I love bangles but can rarely find them in my size.

We walked around shopping and looking at clothes. She is very small at about size 1. I am a 8/10. This Goodwill separated clothes by size, which is better than the Atlanta stores, but it meant, we had to browse separately in some areas.

My daughter selected a few clothes for me to try on. Below are some of the results. It took much longer to try these clothes on a Susan then as a Femboy. The hair and foundation meant I had to take more time and care getting clothes on and off without messing my hair up too much or putting foundation on the clothes.

I am always careful about lipstick stains and earring falling off when in Femboy mode. The hair and foundation added to it my struggles.

1) I bought this white sweater. The color and front design of this sweater gives me many option for wrap. My daughter selected a pair of pants for me to try on. They were a little too tight. That is why it appears I have a muffin top around my waist

2) This was actually sleepwear. It was a nice hooded night grown with front pockets. I still have my creme boots on, but I tried the item on and I like it. It felt so soft. I bought this item.

We had fun finding items and trying them on. My daughter liked a red coat she found for me and suggest that red maybe my color. I tried on about four other items but decided for various reasons not to buy any of them. My daughter picked the orange top below. I liked the color and it had a soft feel to it. I also liked the white wrap.

After we finished shopping, we eat at an Asian Buffet. We were both hungry and could not decide what to eat. Below is a picture of me, just before I got up to fill my place. I removed my lipstick to eat. I saw a Dr. Oz episode about lipstick and that women ingest too much lipstick when they eat with lipstick on. So I take my lipstick off before I eat The lip liner still provides some color after I remove my lipstick.

I also included a picture of the inside of the place. I felt 100% comfortable going up and walking around filling my plate.  I actually went up to the buffet  table three times. I graze at a buffet and try to slowdown while eating.

We had a nice leisurely dinner talking about a variety of items. I remained attentive, sat up and looked my daughter in the eyes while we talked.

I asked my daughter, as we were getting up to leave, when it was appropriate to reapply my lipstick, at the table or in the car? She told me it was a personal choice. I decided to reapply my lipstick in the car.

We left the restaurant and my daughter had to go by her office. I waited in the car because she was only going to be a few minutes. A few minutes later she walked out with a colleague and brought her to the car to meet me. I will discuss this in great detail on Tuesday. Let me just say my daughter is amazing.

We left her job and headed back to her apartment. We talked about a lot of things over the next two hours. By 9:30 pm, I headed back to Atlanta. I did not want to leave. I had so much fun and we both learned so much about each other.

The next few posts with document this trip in more detail and I will try  to communicate my feeling during these posts.