Sunday September 17 - , 2017 - Mood swings on HRT

Today is a down day for me. Its cloudy, overcast and I do not feel very feminine today. My body feels dead. It.s part of a cycle I seem to be go thru. Not like a woman's menstrual cycle but like my dsyphoria cycle during my pre-HRT days.

I use to have strong and weak periods of gender dsyphoria.  My crossdressing desires moved along with my dsyphoria.

Now its more of strong vs weak femininity day. 10 days ago, I wrote a post about that day being a "strong" feminine day, as I presented female. Today is a "weak" feminine day. I feel "blah" and not very attractive.

Part of this mood maybe due to a tremendous amount of work and stress that I am under. Its going to be difficult to post every day, for the next month. I just took on two large assignments with short deadlines.

It's been a few years since I took on this much work at one time. 20 years ago, it was no problem, but now at 61, I will see.

I remember when my Mom would have these days in which she would go out and pamper herself.

I may present more days as a female, in an attempt to reduce the stress level. I may even go to my electrologist for a cleanup appointment. I still need to shave off a few remaining hair whiskers every 7 to 10 days.

Maybe a nice pedicure and shopping might help. Plus I am determined to get back into the gym. Even, if its just a couple of days a week for about 1 hour.

I will keep you posted over the next 30-45 days of this stressful work period.

Saturday April 15, 2017 - How to successfully tuck it away.

After 10 months of HRT, I no longer have this problem. But many in our community still do. I found this very informative site on tucking.

This article offers two ways to tuck. I used both methods depending on what I was wearing.

All The Questions You Had About Tucking, But Were Afraid To Ask

Tucking is a practice, well-known in both trans and drag circles, of putting one's penis between and behind one's legs, so that it's not visible from the front of the body. Some people push their testicles back as well, while others move them upward and rest them on the lower part of their abdomen before securing them in place.

Wednesday January 25, 2017 - Pausing my Transition.

This is my 910th post and its the toughest one I had to write. I have been thinking about this for just over a month and a half.

Its not a bad news post but a good news post.

Since I started this journey, I kept the ending open. I did not set an end goal of SRS but I did think living as a woman 24/7 was a reasonable ending point. But all along the way, starting with losing weight in 2010./2011, I felt that I would at least pause my transition when I reach a point of happiness.

I have reached that point.

I feel as happy and fulfilled as I have ever felt. Probably since my 20's. Every morning I get up and look in the mirror and I love what I see. I am very happy with my physical body (except diabetes and glaucoma) Mentally, I am in a place, I have never been before.

To help explain this, I am going to quickly recap.

I started crossdressing around 8 years old (1964). After some aversion therapy, I buried it until I was 23. Since 23, I have been battling gender dysphoria which gets stronger as the years go by. Finally in Feb 2010, I decided at 54 that I was not getting younger and I needed to transition now or never.

I always had a long-term plan for this transition;

1. Loss weight: from Feb 2010 - Sept 2011 I dropped from a size 18/20 to 8/10 - 230+ lbs to 160  lbs
2. Hair Removal: from Dec 2012 - March 2016, I spend 2 years at E3000 in Dallas and Southside Electrology in East Point Ga.
3. Feel comfortable in public: late 2014 - early 2016 - Femboy period
4. HRT: Starting in June 2016
5. Living Full Time: Planned 2017

The reason I say that I have never been this happy before, is because my gender dysphoria is gone. I no longer have any interest in wearing woman's clothes, wearing makeup, shaving what little body hair I have, shopping for woman clothes, getting a pedicure or even doing my daily body moisturizing routine.

I can not explain it, but my mind feels clear and upbeat. I get compliments all day from people about my look and attitude. Just like in my early 20's, I see my future vision ahead of me as I set new goals for these golden years.

My Dad has been gone for 11 years, he should would be surprised that I am buying male clothes that match and that I now take an interest in it. I use to rebel against shopping for male clothes. So I had a "do not care" attitude about wearing them and how I looked. I wanted pretty dresses.

When I went shopping with my daughter earlier this month, I really did not feel like it. We had fun but it was more of a chore that it use to be. There was no fun or excitement this time. I did it because she wanted to.

I am not stopping HRT. I am going to my Doctor in the next 2 weeks and discuss this with him. I need a maintenance regime because I do not want to lose what I have. But at this point, I find being me on, Jan 25, 2017 a perfect time to pause.

BTW, I am not stopping this blog. It will keep going because this is just a train stop in the overall journey, not the end.

Sunday January 8, 2017 - Day with my daughter

Saturday I hung out with my daughter. She had been asking me to come up and visit. So I came up Friday night in the "snow storm"(the most in some areas, 1 inch, lol).

We spent to day together and went out shopping. It was cold and we did not stay out long. It was more talking and just bonding.

We did go to Whole Foods for dinner and I wanted to try and find some brown shoes at Payless Shoes.

I could not find any shoes I liked or they were more than I wanted to spend.

At Whole Foods, we took out salads and I had a slice of pizza to go.  The food is good but expensive. The lady next to us calls the place, Whole Check, and I see why.

I had no problems being out. My mind and behavior is now that its just another day and I am out as I am. One of my issues is that I wonder if I am being too comfortable and I am beginning to show a male walk or mannerism. Because I am not concentrating on walking and projecting femininity.

Then again, I wonder if I am showing more femininity in my male appearance? I do not know and at this point, I do not really care.

My daughter referred to me a couple of times as Dad and that did not bother me. I think I look pretty good. I no longer care how about "passing". I know I am and I feel great.

Below are a few more pictures from Saturday.

 Mt daughter is a heavy snap chat user.

The above two photos were outside Payless Shoes.

Took a selfie on my daughter's coach.

Tuesday December 13, 2016 - My Gender and Sexuality

I have not talked much about my sexuality and how it fits in with my gender. Now that I have passed the 6 month HRT period, it's time to talk about it. It is not turning out how I thought it would.

First a little background. My sexuality was always heterosexual. I knew I wanted to get married and have kids. Like most guys I learned the hard way and under a lot of stress, how to talk to girls, when to kiss them and hold hands, all that teenage stuff.

All the while dealing with this need to crossdress. I remember as a teen going to the shrink who was trying to cure me and I told him that I would only crossdress at certain times. At that point I realized that there might be a sexual component to it. It was the late 1960's and I though I might be gay.

But I was never attracted to guys. I was always woman.

I assumed that once I started HRT, I would change my attraction from woman to men. But that has not happened. I still do not find men attractive no matter what clothes I wear. I still find woman attractive. I even find my new body very sexy.

What has changed is how I approach sex and intimacy. It's no longer penis centered. It's more about the environment and the activity leading up to intimacy. I would call it the mental foreplay. If I would have listened to the guys and the books I read that discussed this, I would have been been able to get woman I wanted.  I now get it.

I am attracted to woman and I find that its a mindmeld in which two people come together overtime and reach a point of mental intimacy before physical intimacy. The best way to put it might be to say my sexuality has moved from between my legs to between my ears.

I thought I would transition and find a boyfriend, if I were lucky enough. But now I know, if I find someone, it will be with a woman. I am at least over 95+% sure. Never say never.

Tuesday December 6, 2016 - My sister asked if I was getting fat.

This weekend I made I one day roundtrip to Orlando. Last year, was my Mother's repass in Orlando. At that time, my son-in-law had is teeth cleaned by my sister. My sister told him that he had a cavity and he should let her fix it. He said no and that he would come down later and get it done. Well a year later, his face is swollen and he can not hear out of his right ear due to the infection.

So I, along with my daughter, drive him down Saturday afternoon. We got in around 8 pm and I spend about 4 hours talking with my sister in her living room.

She kept giving me this strange look and finally asked if I was gaining weight. I said probably a little because I am not in the gym as much and I am trying to control my diabetes.

I thought about and realized that I had not seen her since the spring, pre-HRT. As you may know, when I told my sister about my transition, she did not take it well because of her religious convictions. She basically said that it was caused by an evil spirit. Just craziness. My 2nd meeting with my sister about my transition when about the same. Oh well.

I think she can see something in my face and I know my boobs are getting harder to hide. I just do not worry about it anymore. It became obvious to me that she noticed something but can not figure it out yet. But being a doctor, she may have an idea.

This morning, I had to get up at 6 am to walk the neighbor's dog. They are out-of-town and different neighbors have agreed to walk the dog. Once I was home, I decided to take a shower. After I removed my bra, I noticed I had impression marks across my breasts. I was wearing a 36A bra. Yesterday I wore a 36B and there were no marks. I guess, I am going to have to move to a 36B bra full-time.

Sunday December 4, 2016 - My Crazy Friday

I started Friday morning looking forward to lunch with the your college Transwoman and my Doctor's appointment. But buy 10 am my schedule was shot.

First, I was talking with the young college student thru Facebook messenger.  I sent her a message to set up a campus pickup location. She messaged me back asking to reschedule. Exam week starts Monday and she need to spend time getting a group report completed. I was disappointed but I understand. After teaching there 35-years, I has put many students under pressure during this "reading period".

Next, I got a call from the Doctor's office that the Doctor had to reschedule his appointments. So I rescheduled for December 22, 2016.

Darn!

Well, I got dressed and decided to fill my time by going out to complete some real estate field research. I had a rental car for the weekend because I had to go to Orlando (where I am now). I realized that when I got the rental car, I left my car in a free four parking place 28 hours ago. I forget to get my daughter to help me get the car on Thursday.

I was frantic. I drove over the lot parking space in downtown College Park. Luckily, my car was still there. I parked the rental car and moved my car to the mass transit parking lot that has free 24 hour parking. I then walked four blocks back to the rental car.

I spent the rest of the day out working, I went to eat at Subway, I picked up a prescription refill from Sam's and I grocery shopped at Krogers. I was treated as a woman and with female pronouns all day.

If felt normal and I was not worried about the public.It was not fun and exciting, it is just normal.

I did not realize until I took my pictures, how much I have changed. Below are a couple of additional pictures. The first is a side photo that show a more female shape. I was surprised how my butt kind of sits out when compared to the other pictures.

My face looks rounder and my facial wrinkles do not look at deep. Plus my makeup application is better.

I was so busy that I forget to take pictures while I was out, except for the car.

I added a red scarf to my outfit to add a splash of color. I added red earrings a and red bracelet to play off the scarf. I did not have black tights, so I wore my grey skinny pants.

I love what is happening to me.

Saturday December 3, 2016 - My Timeline

Yesterday did not go as planned. It was a crazy day of mishaps. I was uploading my Friday pictures and I found an old picture from last year. I was amazed at the difference.

I had to show this two-picture timeline. I can not point to any one thing.

Nov. 11, 2015 - 8 months Pre-HRT

Dec 2, 2016 - 6 months on HRT

Wednesday November 30, 2016 - Dressing as a tall woman

Being 5'10", I am trying to create a style based on being a tall woman. I have seen woman taller than me, but I want to learn how to own my height.

Below is a nice infographic about fashion and taller woman.

Sunday November 27, 2016 - Bra cleaning

I remember growing up and wishing I had breasts and needed a bra. Well 50 years later, here I am. But now I need to learn how to care for my bras.

I have been trying to figure out the best way to clean my bras and how long to wear bras before cleaning them. I have been putting them in the washing machine. But after coming out of the dryer, they are all wrapped up with other clothes. Also, as I move to a larger cup bra and nicer bras, I am not sure the washer and dryer are best.

I found a video on hand washing your bra and another video on using the washing machine. I did learn to stop putting my bras in the dryer.

HAND WASH

MACHINE WASH

Friday October 28, 2016 - Artificial Nails

I love artificial nails. I have worn them only a few times.Currently,  I get a pedicure and my toe nails painted but I do not wear artificial finger nails. Currently, HRT is helping me (either directly or indirectly) grow my finger nails without biting them (reduced stress) or having them break (stronger nails).

My question has always been which type of artificial nails to use. Below is the information to help you answer the pros and cons of different nails.

Above is a list of different nail shapes.I like the round and almond styles. These two styles appear more natural.

Below shows the list of gel versus acrylic nails.

Below is a short video that does a good job of discussing the difference.

Monday October 17, 2016 - My weekend out in the Year 2000

My friend Max/Maxine had her 30th birthday in March 2000. She asked me to celebrate it with her by going to Orlando for the weekend. My parents lived in Orlando, so it was a good idea to hang out with my friend and visit my parents.

Max/Maxine was a gay male who loved to dress as Maxine. I would say in today's terms, I would label her a feminine male. I will use female pronouns for the rest of this story.

I met her at a nightclub one of my former students opened. He invited my to the opening, since I was his Entrepreneurship Professor and we always stayed in contact. I was proud at his success. That night, I met one of his friends, Maxine. I loved the way she presented herself. So we exchanged phone numbers because I wanted to hire her to help me with Susan's presentation. This was in the 1990's.

We became good friends because she helped me and kept my secret, while I hired her to work in my expanding computer training business. I ended up helping her open her own business as a computer trainer for senior citizens. During the time she worked for me, I learned how anti-LGBT some of my consultants were. I would correct them and say its about money and I will work with any competent person who can do the job. Once they got to know her, they agreed with me.

She passed away, at her father's house in 2014 under mysterious circumstances. I think it was health, due to her diabetes and lack of following a good diet. She took insulin, but eat anything. I did not know she had died until I noticed that I had not heard from her and when I tried to contact her, her phone was off. I google her name and found a TV story about her death.

During our friendship we went on several overnight road trips. This trip is the only one in which I have pictures. Sometime I forget that back in the "old days" taking pictures was a more predetermined activity. You did not keep a 35MM or 110 camera in your pocket.

We drove to Orlando Friday night and stayed in a hotel along International Drive, near the convention center. On Saturday, I visited my parents, while Maxine hung out shopping and setting up her birthday party at the local club. Later, I joined her for dinner. The picture above was my dinner outfit. I loved that dress. I still have those black heels and loved wearing stockings. I miss stocking days. I wear tights during the winter, to try and make up for it.

Later that night, I changed into a more causal outfit and we went to a nightclub to celebrate her birthday. That night she pickup a guy for a birthday present. Lol. I teased her about that all the way back to Atlanta.

With her passing before my Femboy and blogging days, I often think about how much fun it would have been if I had my "wing" mate during this phase of my transition.

Tuesday October 11, 2016 - Sunday out with Karen

Sunday afternoon Karen and I got together to see a movie. BTW, we saw The Girl On The Train. It was a very good mystery. You should go see it, especially if you think you are good at picking the killer early in the movie.

Also the interaction among the female characters was very interesting. I am starting to get (feel) those relationships.

Anyway, Karen was out of town for two weeks in order to visit her son and celebrate her birthday. After the movie, we went shopping at Target looking for jewelry cases.

I really in join this relationship, because it gives my that woman-to-woman relationship that allows me to ask questions and get direct opinions, comments and recommendations from another woman. We have hung out while I was in both boy and Susan mode.

After not see each other for two weeks, Karen stated that she noticed a slight change in my face. Also my new clothes were nice and the new shirts hid any breast development.

While at Target, we walked around just talking about random things. We also talked about clothes, shoes, household decorations and jewerly we liked. Her taste is more eclectic too me. I am more conservative.

For example she likes:



I like:



I find the difference in taste fun as we discuss why we like certain things. I notice part of her taste is based on her experiences of living in California, but also her decades as a woman.

I am still learning what works for me and I stay conservative. Maybe after a few more years and going full-time, I will have the confidence to experiment more.

Saturday October 8, 2016 - My first week living as Susan May 1994

In a previous post, I discussed my coming out in Sept 1993, as Susan through Tri-Ess. By the winter of 1994, I realized that Tri-Ess was not for me. It did not satisfy my dysphoria. As a matter of fact, it made me want more. I did not want to be a woman, once a month. I wanted to be one full-time.

However, this was a very busy time for me and transitioninng was out of the question. I was teaching full-time, with the Olympics coming, my appraisal business was running full-tilt and I was President of a growing and very success Little League program (50 baseball teams, on ESPN, CNN, ABC and NBC).

So I decided, I was going to use my May Hilton Head timeshare to live as a woman full-time for one week. I wanted to try and see if I go on vacation with only female clothes.

Starting in April, I starting buying shoes and outfits for seven days. I decided to even leave the house as Susan, drive 4 hours to Hilton Head and spend from Saturday afternoon until the next Saturday morning as Susan.

Even back in 1994, I kept my legs shaved. But on Friday night I did a body shave. On Saturday morning I shaved my face, dressed and added makeup. On the way out, I stopped and had acrylic nails added. It was the first time I had my nails done. I was nervous but it was fun to have nice long red nails (1990's).


After finishing my nails, I drove 4.5 hours to Hilton Head. I was early, as I could not check into my unit until after 5 pm. This allows the cleaning of the individual units.

I drove to the Island museum and toured it. I had a lady in the parking lot, take this picture.

After the museum tour, I checked into the Island Club. Again, I had a security guard, take this picture.I soon realized that heels were not worn at a beach resort. So I had all of these heel and ended up wearing my white sneakers and one pair of flats, the rest of the time.















I do not remember what I did everyday during the week. I know, I went grocery shopping on Saturday. I went shopping and bought some new foundation. The Mary Kay foundation was OK, but I ended up buying some new Fashion Fair foundation. I spent a few days practicing my makeup.

I did go canoeing one day. I liked this outfit. The white shorts and top were cute for the time.

The main problem I remember was how my foundation began to come off after sweating while canoeing. I did not realize that until I got back to the condo.

This was the first time I realized the difference between dressing as a male and being a female. I needed to check my makeup after I finished and before I paid the clerk. Also makeup and a workout do not go together.

This is another one of my outfits. I had the security guard take this picture.















Finally, I did go out one night to a club in Savannah. I did not get any pictures but it was nice to get dressed up and go out.

After the week was over, I wanted more. I had a great time and did this again in 1996, just 2 months before the Atlanta Olympics.

Tuesday October 4, 2016 - My first Time out

I was cleaning my closet and found a set of old pictures of Susan (1993-200). I can not believe how time flies. That was 16 to 23 years ago. Darn!

In 1990, I decided I need to address my dyphoria by telling my parents that the adversion therapy did not work. From that day until now, I have only worn woman panties. It was my early attempt at trying to address my dysphoria.

Finally in 1993, due to this new thing called the internet, I found a Tri-Ess group in Atlanta. I remember Tri-Ess from the Phil Donahue show. Tri-Ess is a national heterosexual crossdressing group that makes room for the wife or girlfriend.

The first time I went to a meeting, I was not dressed and just eat at the hotel restaurant while they were having a meeting. After the meeting, I approached them and talked to the President, who was a wife of one of the members. I asked if I could join.

I was welcomed with open arms and met another wife who was a Mary Kay associate. She invited me to her house for a makeup session.

So on September 12, 1993, I introduced Susan to the world. I checked into the local hotel and changed into Susan. I bought a name tag with Susan King on it. I do not remember what happened but I enjoyed the weekend and had some pictures taken. Below is one of them.

I like the dress but the makeup add hair needs work. I had bought some prescription glasses just to wear when dressed.

I remember those days of wearing stockings. I miss stockings because I have great legs, like my Mom and I loved the feel and look of stocking. My favorite stockings were ultra sheer black. I still have a draw full of stocking, but have not worn them in years. But, I still wear tights during the winter. .

The next month, I went to another weekend meeting. We walked from the hotel to a local Arby's for lunch. I was so scared. I remember feeling like I was in a fish bowl. We ordered and ate at the restaurant.

I do remember at this meeting talking about a national convention in Atlanta, called Southern Comfort. I thought it was a good idea and though about going. But I decided against it.

Below I placed my 1993 picture next to my Pre-HRT 2016 picture. I could highlight so many differences. But the main different in mental. In 1993, I was just peeking my head out of the closet. I was a guy, dressing as a woman. But I did not have the confidence and I did not know how to bring Susan out. I was so afraid.

By 2016, I have the confidence and thanks to the internet, I have the knowledge. Remember in 1993, there was no femulate.org. How did we live without it?

Who says we do not get better with age?

1993

2016

I have come a long way and I can not wait for the next chapter to unfold.

Wednesday September 28, 2016 - Grocery Shopping on Sunday

Sunday, after exercising and then cleaning up around the house. I decided to go grocery shopping. I ended up going to three different stores as I gathered my food  needed for the week.

Overall, it was so empowering to be perceived as a woman. It's because I am a woman. I now have female hormones traveling within me. I know from the mirror, that I am looking more feminine everyday.. The most powerful part is that I no longer consider myself a crossdresser trying to pass. This mental state radiates outward to the people around me.

All day, people used female pronouns without hesitation or a funny look. Words like ma'am, miss, honey, lady and woman were used. I had doors opened by men all day. I had a few slow down as they got to the door and then open it for me in anticipation of my arrival. Something, I use to do just to get a better look. Lol

I received two very nice compliments from other woman. I knew they perceived me as a woman because of the conversation and how they approached me. In both cases, I used a relaxed voice and had a conversation with them.

The first lady stopped me as I was walking into the first grocery store and stated she loved my hair. I could tell she was not sure, if it was a weave, wig or my own hair. She did not ask. She stated she loved the style and look and asked if I did it myself. Before I could answer she said she was looking to add some weave into her hair, so she could get a look like mine. I told her that I had it done. She asked where. I gave her directions and she knew the area and was going to go. The reason I knew she could not tell whether it was my hair because she did not make any assumptions about my hair until I said something. I did not say it was a wig or weave, just that I had it professionally done.

The second lady walked up to the food counter where I was waiting for some takeout chicken tenders and stated she loved my top. I told her thank you. She then looked at the empty food bins behind the counter and stated she was upset they did not have anymore fried chicken wings. I told her that the guy was cooking some and he stated to a previous customer that they would be ready in 3 minutes and she had reserved 3 wings. So I mentioned to the lady next to me to ask the employee working on my order about the wings.

When the employee came back with my chicken tenders, the lady asked her about the wings and the cook said from behind the deep fry that the wings were ready. The employee bagged 4 wings and the customer said thank you to her and me. I walked over and decided to get some chili. The lady walked over to me and stated how she loved the chili. I told her that this is not my favorite grocery store, but I like their chicken tenders and decided to try some chili. After I got my chili, we both walked over to the checkout counter and talked about how this store is nice but they are so busy that they sometimes run out of cooked food. I mentioned that I was buying my food for the week. She was doing the same thing. I felt from her demeaner and our conversation, that it was two woman talking. It felt sooooo good.

At one store, during checkout I had to show my ID. I just whipped out my guy ID and showed it to her. She matched my ID name with my debit card and did not miss a beat checking me out.

I am so grateful, I spent two years going out as a feminine male and learned that not matching my picture was not an issue anymore. My doctor has a free service to help transpeople change their ID. I told him I will let him know when I am ready. But I am OK with the mismatch.

I ended up with some good meals for the week. I made some  spaghetti with meat sauce, bought some chicken thighs on sale that I baked, got those chicken tenders, a bowl of chili and items for my salad.

Overall ,it was a new normal and I loved it.

Monday September 26, 2016 - Just being Susan

Sunday I felt like putting on something pretty. In the past I use to plan those days when I would crossdress as Susan or as a feminine boy (femboy). But today, it was different.. I was not crossdressing, its  just dressing how I felt.

I decided to go to the gym in the morning. I will provide more detail about that in Tuesday's post. Once I got back from the gym, I showered and dressed, did my hair and put on makeup.

Just like when in boy mode, I set out to do my chores and run some errands. I did some work around the house and then decided to go grocery shopping for the week.

I just felt normal and so confident. It is hard to put into words. I was just being me. Not only did I go to the grocery store (3 of them), but also the beauty supply store, a new thrift store and a shoe store.

Everywhere I went, I was treated with the appropriate pronoun, men opening the door for me, woman talking to me about random things, and I received many compliments.

As I write this Sunday night, I am still dressed the same way you see in the picture. I cooked the food for the week and watched TV. Now I am going to take my nightly shower and then clean the kitchen.

Over the next three days, I am going to discuss what happened today. But the posts will not be blow-by-blow accounts. But more of how this new normal affected me and my interaction with the community.

Tuesday: My new plan to lose some weight and get back into the gym. This is based on my Sunday morning workout

Wednesday. I ended up going to three different grocery stores. The ladies in these stores treated me as one of them. I received so many compliments and random woman just started talking to me while we were waiting for service.

Thursday. I went shopping for some dresses and tops. I found a few and I have some pictures to share.

I am ready to go 24/7 but my finances and upcoming contracts will not allow me. That is why I wanted to wait until 2017. I am right on schedule.

Sunday September 25, 2016 - HRT breast growth timeline

I took a picture in my pink bra to show that it was the same style as the new turquoise bra I purchased. I noticed yesterday how my breasts have changes since the last time I took a picture in my pink bra.

The picture on the left was taken on August 16, 2016. The picture on the right was take on September 23, 2016. I could not help but notice that in just 37 days, there was that much growth. I knew it indirectly because I have been having trouble with brushing up against door frames. Also, at night when I roll over onto my stomach, I feel them  and it hurts. Finally as I stated in an earlier post, some of my male shirts could not hid them. Also, the way I hug people had to change because of the pressure it puts my breasts.

At this rate, I maybe in a 36B before the end of the year.

Saturday September 24, 2016 - How I created my female look

There are five items (tools) I use to create the Susan look. I am going to use the last selfie I took before I started HRT. This look is now changing due to HRT and I will have to change the use of these tools. To me this constant change is part of the fun of being a girl.

Here are the five items I built my look around.

1. Hair
2. Eyebrows
3. Glasses
4. Foundation
5. Earrings 

My hair is the biggest item I have to create my feminine look. I love this wig and it took me awhile at the beauty store to find it. After trying on at least 5 other wigs, once the clerk put that one on me, I saw Susan the way I thought she should look. The brown color softens my look, the side part is cute and the big swooping bang that covers one eyebrow and almost one eye is sexy. The wig changes the height of my face by covering my forehead. My hair gives my face a very feminine and sensual look.  

I use a eyebrow pencil to frame and fill-in my eyebrows. Even though only one eyebrow shows, it defines my face with a small arch at the outer part of my eyes. Its an attempt to open up my eye area and provide a more youthful look.

I went to LensCrafters  as a feminine boy for both the eye doctor's appointment and when I came back to buy the glasses. My glasses are from the woman's section. Because of the way I was dressed and the type of color I wanted color in my glass frame, the clerk took me to the woman's section. I wanted large frame glasses that would make my face look smaller in comparison. These were the largest frames they had. I would have liked the bridge to be even with the top of the right and left frame. However the bridge is slightly lower, but it still works.

I use two different foundation colors. I use a lighter color under my eyes to brighten that area and blush at the apple of my cheeks then up and around under my eyes sockets to my temple. I contour (darken) under my blush area and along the top part of my cheeks. It took me a few attempts before I found a foundation color I like and that matches my skin color. This makeup makes my face look feminine and flawless. Part of that is due to years of a daily skincare routine that keeps my face soft and clean.

My earring are not seen in the picture. But I am wearing jewel stud earrings that match my dress color.

I am not wearing a hat and I have not figured out how to choose a hat that fits my style. 

Overall, one of the things I love about being either a part time or full time woman is developing my own style and getting that look that matches my inner feelings.

Saturday September 3, 2016 - Feeling different today

I am feeling lazy today. I want to lay in the bed and snuggle with a nice soft teddy bear.

I have been having trouble sleeping the last few days. I like to sleep on my stomach but it now hurts my breasts when I put pressure on them. Two days ago, I saw my granddaughter and gave her a big hug, I ended up pressing her against my breast and I felt the pain shoot down its center.

Any pressure on my breasts creates that pain

As I lay here, writing this, I wonder if this is part of my mental changes. Its a feeling of wanting to be held and protected. And return that protection and caring with love and an inner peace.

Its not sexual but sensual. I have not has sexual urges in weeks. I have not thought about it. But this morning its different, its not between my legs but between my ears. It's feelings of loving, caring and companionship. Its though my soft skin that I crave these things.

I hope to shake these feelings, because I have some work I want to complete today. I am going to get up, eat, take my medicine and wear a cute outfit today. I am very confused this morning.