Wednesday June 29, 2016 - Bra Styles

I am looking to expand my bra wardrobe. I have only sports bras, two old push up bras and one regular bra with padding.

I have become aware of my breasts as they have come alive and seem to be growing. The sports bra is no longer adequate. I still wear them to the gym. But I like wearing my one regular bra and feel more comfortable wearing it.

Below is an infographic about bra styles.

Saturday June 25, 2016 - My lunch with my young trans cousin

Yesterday I had lunch will my cousin and it went very well. I spent the day as Susan, which included meeting with my cousin. I will call him John.

I got dressed around 11 am. I decided to wear my brown dress and low wedge open toe heel. I really need to find a better set of brown heels. My selection of brown flats is good but my two brown heels are both open toe wedges. The one with the higher heel, hurt my feet when I was in Orlando and the lower heel, that I wore today is OK but casual. I need at least a higher heel that is more formal or for a professional look.

I had to go to the bank first and cash a check. The cashier used female pronouns even after looking at my male ID. That was nice. Normally, I get no pronouns after they look at my ID.

I drove over to John's house. There were about five cars in the driveway, so I called him to come out as I was going to take in to lunch. He had no idea I was dressed. When he got in the car, he just looked at me. I decided to just come out with it. I told him I was transgendered and I am here to help. I felt a rush of emotion but just caught the tears.

He said wow, I never knew. For the next 90 minutes, we just drove around and talked. I started by discussing my history which started at 8 years old.

Then I listened to him. His main issue, is that his mother and father are police officers and anti-lgbt. He said his Dad and his friends talk bad and laugh about the lgbt community all the time. He is 23 years old, not working, living at home, chain smokes cigarettes, and take drugs. I told him a lot of transpeople try to commit suicide and I think he is trying to do it slowly.

He admitted he is depressed and can only dress when no one is in the house. He is afraid to go out because of what people might think. I told him that I had the same issue. Our biggest problem is in our head. One of the first things is to realize that today most people do not care and have their own issues. Also with the internet and TV/movies, every has been exposed to us and its no big deal anymore. But breaking our own mental chains, is a major hurtle.

At this point he wants to be able to dress as a women or a man, when ever he wants. He wants to find a woman who would accept that. I told him, there are many woman out there who would.

He mentioned that when he shops for women clothes, he is surprised how many clerks tell him that there are many guys who shop for women clothes for themselves. He also talked with some who had boyfriends who dressed.

We went to Subway to eat and the lady behind the counter used female pronouns. Later, John told me that he felt much better after seeing me interact with people and how the interacted with me. I told him that if you act like a lady, you will be treated like one.

I then gave him examples of people who look at me. I told him, as a women, women look at you to check out your outfit and men look at you because its in their nature. Those looks could be one of admiration not disgust. How do you know? Well why care because you do not know what is in their mind. Do not let one person out of a thousand mess up your day.

We talked about a plan.

1. Limit alcohol, reduce smoking a quit drugs - I will help by being someone you can call, text or visit anytime. We can go shopping, have a makeup day or get together anytime he wants. If he needs help getting off this stuff, I will work with him and his parents to find a place.
2. Get a job, even part time to earn enough money to get out of the house. Even if its just a room in a boarding house. He lives in a toxic environment that is causes this suicidal behavior.
3. Consider me your Aunt Susan.
4. Go back to school and get a marketable skill.This will allow you to increase your income and standard of living.

Those steps are not easy but I told him that he should use his motivation to express is femininity as a motivation to follow these steps.

He has told a few of his friends and most have been accepting. A few were not and they are no longer friends. I told him that will happen and that I am afraid of the same thing. But true friends will stick by you.

Overall, it was a great meeting and I hope I can help him. But he has to want to help himself.

Friday June 24, 2016 - I have a young relative who might be Trans

I was waiting until today to discuss the possibility that a young 24-year old cousin maybe trans. And if so, it explains a lot.

After coming home Sunday from NJ, I was told by my daughter that a cousin confided in her that he maybe trans. I immediately though that this makes sense. This young guy (I will use male pronouns until I talk with him today) was very outgoing when he was young. He wanted to be a Pastor like him paternal Grandfather. At 8, he use to practice giving a sermon and he was pretty good.

But once he hit puberty, as with most people, he changed. But he changed in a bad way. He struggled to finish high school as he fantasized about being a kicker in the NFL. But would not go out for his high school football team. While in High School he had a small number of friends. After high school, he decided not to continue is education.

So he lives a home with his parents and has few friends and rarely works. What he does do is drink, smoke and take drugs. I have never known him to have a girlfriend. Therefor, I felt he was part of the LGBTQ community and that his self destruction was due to him being gay. Coming from a religious background and his early hope of being a pastor, I felt he had alot of internal conflict.

Once I learned he might be Trans, I quickly told his mother that I wanted to talk to him. She said yes as she is at her wits end and just wants help.I told her I was trans.

So I called him Monday and told him I might have an opportunity for him and that I wanted to meet him Friday. I am going to meet him at 12:30 pm today, at his house as Susan. I am going to wear the dress, pictured on the left.

I want to talk to him openly about being trans and determine if he maybe trans based on his history and current feelings

I am excited because if he is trans, I can definitely help him find his level and at the same time use his gender dysphoria  to motivate him  stop smoking, drinking and doing drugs. If he decides to clean up his act, find a job and think about school, Aunt Susan to get his/her life together.

It may sound like alot of ifs, but I am going to explain to him that to be the woman he wants to be,smoking, over drinking and drugs will work not make you pretty. Getting a job is important, so he can have an income that will help support his transition which will include getting his own place. Finally, getting a degree or being certified, will increase his potential income, which will support a better lifestyle.

After this meeting, I am planning on going to the movies with Karen to see Independence Day. We are going to talk about my meeting and if I have a possible young mentee. I am kind of excited about the opportunity to help.

Saturday June 11, 2016 - My Doctor's Appointment

I can not believe this day has come. I was so excited that of course my day did not go exactly as planned. But it was great and I got my scripts!!!!!

Well forget my plans from yesterday's post. For a life changing event that I have planned for years, somethings just go wrong.

I went to pick up a rental car for the day at about 7:00 am. I rent a lot of cars form the Dollar airport location, so everyone knows me. I was in boy mode because I could not sleep last night so I figured I would dress after I got the car.

About halfway home from the airport, I realized the care only had a 1/4 tank of gas. DARN!

My rental paperwork stated the car was full and would need to be returned full. So I drove back to the airport and waited to have the car filled with gas.

Now its 8:30 am and I needed to go to the bank and get my cash in the right account between banks. I am going to self pay for my appointment. I was told it would be $259 which included blood work. So I got to the bank at 9 am. I cashed a check and moved some cash around.

I got to the house at 9:30 am. and took a shower. Luckily, I shaved my head last night. I cancelled my Wednesday electrology appointment because I wanted to save my cash just in case. So I did shave my few facial whiskers. I was strange because I have not shaven in months. I think I have shaved twice in the past year.

I moisturized my face and body while I got my clothes out. I dressed and added my wig. I liked the look but the dress was kind of short.

I took off my wig and put on my face. Well nothing seemed to look right.My eyebrow pencils were either too light or too dark.I did not like the color of my eye shadow and my eyeliner did not look right. I tried three times to add false eyelashes but I could net get them to sit right. I realized I was being super critical. So I started over and did not add lashes.

By the time I finished my makeup and dressed, it was noon. So my pedicure was out. As a matter of fact, on my way to the Doctor's office which was normally a 30 minute trip, was estimated by google to be 60 minutes due to traffic. DARN!

So I headed out and turned off GPS and took my own detour. I made it on time, within 40 minutes. I am still better than GPS (LOL).

They treat me so well at this office. It reminds me of E3000 in Dallas, TX. When you go to a business that welcomes us, it is such a huge difference. They treated me like a lady and are so nice. Of course many if not most their clientele is LGBT and they have large Trans clientele, so the ID not matching and the use of both male and female names on the paperwork was not an issue.

I only waited about 10 mins before I was called in. The nurse took my weight. I wanted to weight under 165 but with my grands living with me, I was 179. Oh well, They move next weekend and I am going to get back on my calorie plan and down to under 165. But the hormones may change that. I really want a healthy weight with female curves. So we will see over the next two years, what happens.

The nurse asked a series of question about my sexuality and activity. She said it was for HIV screening. I was OK with it. She was surprised I was coming in to start HRT because she thought I was already on it.

After a few more test and questions, I was told to wait on the Doctor.

Soon he came in and we walked. He remember my last visit and we talked about different treatment options. I have been a subscriber to a yahoo HRT message group for over three years. So I knew a lot about HRT and the different options. I told the Doctor that I had research him years ago and I switched to him two years ago, so he would have some history on me. I was going to let him decide which treatment option was best for me based on his knowledge.

The nurse brought in an Informed Consent form. I signed it. Then the Doctor asked which pharmacy I wanted to use. I thought Walmart had the best prices and he agreed. So I choose the Walmart close to my house.

He gave me
Estradiol 2 mg pills - I asked about shots because it bypasses the liver. His issue is the cycling during the week because  you start with a lot and by the end of the week, its low. With pills, it passes thru the liver but its steady at 2 pills (4 mg) per day.
Spironolactone - This will push down my T-levels which will allow the estrogen to connect to my receptors without fighting testosterone.
Finasteride - This reduced DHT which is a by product of testosterone. Its the DHT that caused male pattern baldness and other male side affects. I have a history of prostate cancer (both grandfathers and father). So this also fights against prostate problems.

I did not need a blood test because I had one in August. He wants me to have one next month. Then two months later. After that, every 3 months. He wants to check my levels and see if any changes should be made to my regime.

I received many compliments from the staff and I felt so pretty and feminine. I scheduled my appointments and paid. A lady came in and stated she liked my jewelry. I said thank and walked out the door and into my new live. I am soooo happy.

Wednesday June 8, 2016 - Hiding your belly with the right top

In March 2010, I started an 18 month exercise and "diet" program in which I lost about 50+ lbs, got healthier and I reduced my female dress size from 18 to 8/10. Over the years, I have kept most of that weight off.

But over the past year, my clothes are a little tighter as I have reduced my exercising routine and my eating is off. I have had my grandchildren living with me the past 17 months. So my belly is not as flat as I would like it.

Below is an inforgraphic showing how to hide a belly (or reduce it) using your female top.




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