Tuesday April 11, 2017 - Month 10 Mental update

Month 10 was a seesaw month for me. In the beginning of the month, I decided to change my daily medicine regime. I reduced my Spironolactone by 50% (200 mg to 100 mg) and eliminated finasteride (5 mg).

In doing that, I began to feel the rise in maleness coming back. So after talking to my Doctor, I returned back to my original regime and he added a 4th medicine (sildenafil).

The following discussion is tough for me to talk about, but I feel it's important to get it out.

The reason I made this regime change, is that for at least 6 months, I have had no interest is sex. After 40+ years of  having a sex drive, I was wondering if my dysphoria was connected to my sex drive and testosterone. So maybe, if I slightly raised my testosterone level, I could find that middle ground.

However the change in my regime was more about my overall internal feelings and my reaction to the world. I was moving from a mental state I loved, back to a more aggressive reactionary state and I did not like that much. What I did learn in this brief two week trial, is that HRT has changed me more that I though.

The following is so hard for me to describe. I now know why the genders have a hard time understanding each other. Now, when I see someone I am physically interested in, it's totally different than how I felt as man. It's more about closeness and intimacy than physical sex.

As a male, you will do and say anything to get that person to like you and potentially have sex. As a female, it's about that mental connection and closeness.

In the last 6 months, the few times I was intimate, I was surprised how I did jump to "attention". But it did not last long. Also the reaction was different. Pre-HRT, I was physically ready to perform sexually beforehand. Now, it's during that early closeness pre-sex period that activates my body.

As a guy, we are ready to go. But you need to wine and dine with flowers and add conversation to kind of prime her. HRT has moved me from being that guy to that gal that needs to be primed. Now I need a period of  mental closeness to get ready. Maybe a picnic, walk in the park and/or a nice talk.

I have decided to remain being that gal that needs to be primed and the 4th drug, added to my regime, gives me the ability to last much longer. The 4th drug, sildenafil, is the active ingredient in viagra.

So one I am at "attention", I stay there much longer because it restricts the blood from flowing backward and thus losing that erection.

This was tough for me to explain and open up about, but I hope it will help others. Just, remember HRT may affect everyone differently.