Tuesday December 13, 2016 - My Gender and Sexuality

I have not talked much about my sexuality and how it fits in with my gender. Now that I have passed the 6 month HRT period, it's time to talk about it. It is not turning out how I thought it would.

First a little background. My sexuality was always heterosexual. I knew I wanted to get married and have kids. Like most guys I learned the hard way and under a lot of stress, how to talk to girls, when to kiss them and hold hands, all that teenage stuff.

All the while dealing with this need to crossdress. I remember as a teen going to the shrink who was trying to cure me and I told him that I would only crossdress at certain times. At that point I realized that there might be a sexual component to it. It was the late 1960's and I though I might be gay.

But I was never attracted to guys. I was always woman.

I assumed that once I started HRT, I would change my attraction from woman to men. But that has not happened. I still do not find men attractive no matter what clothes I wear. I still find woman attractive. I even find my new body very sexy.

What has changed is how I approach sex and intimacy. It's no longer penis centered. It's more about the environment and the activity leading up to intimacy. I would call it the mental foreplay. If I would have listened to the guys and the books I read that discussed this, I would have been been able to get woman I wanted.  I now get it.

I am attracted to woman and I find that its a mindmeld in which two people come together overtime and reach a point of mental intimacy before physical intimacy. The best way to put it might be to say my sexuality has moved from between my legs to between my ears.

I thought I would transition and find a boyfriend, if I were lucky enough. But now I know, if I find someone, it will be with a woman. I am at least over 95+% sure. Never say never.