First, I was put in a teen group. Those teens had drug, depression and family issues. When I discussed my "crossdressing", they looked at me like I was crazy for being there. My issue seemed so trivial compared to their issues.
So, at 15 years old, 10th grade, I went to a physiologist who practiced aversion therapy.
It was not as bad a the picture above. I would go into the office and he would hypnotize me. I do not know if the hypnotism worked, sometime I fell asleep and sometimes I faked it. Then he would talk to me about how bad female clothes were and that if I touched them, I would get sick. I remember saying to myself, how could nylon stockings make me sick, they look and feel so nice.
I do not know how many times I went. But I decided to purge and go deeper in the closet. It only lasted from 1972 until 1979.
I am glad I was not sent away to an out-of-town program or a program with a more aggressive therapy routine..
I know my parents were trying to do what they thought was best, given its the 1970's. Then many people thought it was a "phase" some boys went through. I suspect that "phase" period was a true indication of oneself. Then many of us had to learn how to hide it, so we could conform. Those that could not hide it were subjected to a very tough life. Like my cousin, who came out in 1968, while in high school. He had a very difficult 17-years until his death of AIDS.
So I guess, my parents thought I was "cured". Well, first of all, I am NOT sick. I am in touch with a very amazing and special gift that has made be a better person. I am going to use this gift to help others.
This is why I am so glad President Obama has called for an end to this type of therapy.
Hi Susan. I thought this kind of therapy had gone away long ago. I'm sorry you had to go through this for seven years. That had to affect you psychologically in the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteI featured this post on T-Central.
Calie
Thanks. I am now much stronger and have accepted my gift.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your early life experience.
ReplyDeleteIf you were 15 in 1972, you are a year older than I am. I remember how different (and isolating) being trans was at that time. My mom confronted me about my cross-dressing but was too embarrassed to bring it up with my dad, much less take me to a therapist, so I avoided the "public" aspect of your life experience. I also think they distrusted "shrinks" and weren't active in the church that they would later re-join (God help me if they had been actively Pentecostal at that time!). But the general ignorance at that time is something younger members of the community probably can't grasp. There is plenty of intolerance and transphobia today, but layer almost universal ignorance on top of all that (we had both) and you get a very different landscape than people have to deal with today.
That is true. We, the older ones, need to tell our story, so the younger ones will know what it was like.
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