Saturday October 10, 2015 - A man in a dress!

I really appreciate Kati and her comments. Kati commented on my Thursday's post about my interaction at the front desk of the gym.

In her comment she stated...."It only takes one brief event (a cold stare, a mumble word in passing, or an outright incident of some kind) to poke a hole in your balloon of confidence and acceptance."

She is correct. It made me think about how I have changed over the past decades. I remember first going out as Susan in the late 1980's. Before then, I dressed only at home.

Once in the 1980's, I went out to the mall and I was so nervous. I remember seeing one of my little league families down the walkway and I darted into a store.

It was not until 1990, when I announced to my parents that I was not "cured" (read post) and was a "crossdresser" for life. It was then that I decided to get out of the closet. In 1990, I started wearing women panties and bras everyday. I still do.

Between 1990 and 1993, I joined Tri-Ess, the heterosexual crossdressing group and learned makeup from an Avon representative, began going to weekend meetings and going out with the group as Susan.

But it was 1994, that I decided to spend a week as Susan at my beach timeshare. I did not go out much but I did get a set of acrylic nails and shopped. I did go out to dinner. Once when I was out eating, I noticed the cook came out to look at me. But I made it thru the week.

In 1996, I spend that week as Susan. By then I had joined the internet and a bulletin board. So I found a couple of other "crossdressers" and we went out a few times to shop and eat. I got out much more this time. I went to the Mall a few time, shopped at many retail center, went to a couple of gay night clubs, went out to dinner and just really enjoyed myself. (Here is a post about that vacation).

However, the last time I went to the Mall during that week, I was called out by two men as a "guy in a dress". It came out of nowhere and I was embarrassed. I quickly turned around and left the mall. My confidence took a big hit. I had been to that Mall a few times before and had my nails done and bought some shoes. On that trip, I was just going to look for a skirt.

That event slowed me down for a few days. But now that I think about it, I had been out as Susan interacting and passing thousands of people at the Mall, stores, nightclubs, restaurants and the resort without an issue. Why should I let .000001% of the people ruin my day, week or my confidence?

Some jerks call me a guy in a dress and it ruins my day. I had a guy whistled at me when I got out of the car at a retail store, it felt great (Lol). So you get good and bad.

Jerks have talked about me my whole life. I really do not like to discuss racial issues in the blog, but.....

There were a few times growing up in central NJ where white jerks called me the n-word and threatened me for being in the area.

Black jerks use to call me an "oreo" in high school (oreo means I am like the cookie - black on the outside and white on the inside) and threaten to beat me up because I acted "white".

There will allows be jerks who hate someone for something or who want to embarrass people.

I have interacted or passed by tens of thousands of people over the past year and have not run into a jerk, yet.

The worse thing to happen  is when someone deliberately uses male pronouns in a way to say, "I know you are a guy". To which I do not react. I accept both male and female pronouns. Also, I do not want to give them power by responding in a negative way. I basically ignore them.

But if I run into that classic jerk, I will be ready.

1) I will smile and keep walking or
2) I could say ..... So What!? or  Hello or Have a nice day.

But I am not going to let less than 0.000001% of the people ruin my day or confidence.