Sunday April 12, 2015 - Shopping at the mall

Leaving the high school, I decided to get something to eat. I went to Wendy's and ordered a small chili and a jr hamburger. I was not hungry but I needed to eat something to keep my metabolism up. I had not eaten all day and it was about 2 pm. My body has probably moved into starvation mode.

While inside, I sat to eat while checking emails and replying to texts.

I decided I wanted to go visit my old stomping ground as a teen, which was the Mall. Older readers remember the Mall as the place to go to not only shop but to hang out with friends.

I remember when Woodbridge Mall opened. We use to go as a family and later I went with friends.

So, I drove over to the Mall. As I was looking for a place to park, it occurred to me, what shops do I want to visit. I realized, I no longer go to Malls. I go to the open shopping centers because the stores I like.

Many malls have been converted into open shopping centers that look more like downtown areas. But this mall appeared busy. I decided to go to Lord and Taylor because that was my mother's favorite store. I remember my mother was a shopaholic. I remember wanting to do some mother daughter shopping with her. When I was young and went to the mall with Mom, I had to look disinterested in the lady's section. But in reality, I wanted to try on dresses and shoes.



 Luckily, in the early 1990's, I was able to spend a day with my mother shopping as her daughter. Now in 2015, I am back at her store looking cute and "window" shopping. The clothes are very nice but out of my price range.

So, I headed into the mall and just walked around remembering the mall's layout. I remember people saying this was the largest Mall in the US, back when it opened. I do not know if that was true but it is a two story mall built in a T-shape with very long walkways. Currently, it appeared to be 100% occupied and busy.

As I walked around, I was basically ignored as people went about their activities.

One time in Atlanta, about 20 years ago, another "crossdresser" as I went shopping in the local mall. We passed a group of your girl teenagers and one of them said, "Look two crossdressers." as they watched us enter a shop. They left, but I felt like I was in a fish bowl and uncomfortable. Being with my friend helped, but it ruined an otherwise nice outing. It made me not want to go to the mall again, as Susan and I have not until today.

Its interesting that I remember the bad times more that the good time while dressed. That incident was the second time I was called out in the mall, while dressed in the 1990's. The second time was in Savannah in 1996, while spending the whole week as Susan. I had been to that local mall a couple of times (to buy shoes and get acrylic nails). This third time, as I walked into the mall, one guy said in a loud voice, there is a crossdresser. I felt so embarrassed, I turned around and left. This guy was with another guy and they followed me to my car. I got in and left. I did not go back to that mall, the rest of the week. My confidence took a big hit that day.

Now, 2015, as I walked around, I felt part of the community. A few women smiled and said hello and I looked them in the eye and returned the greetings.

Then I found my store, Payless Shoes. I went in but they had a very limited number of size 12 shoes.

I did find these creme heels, but I wanted a pair in black. I like the round toe shoe because it makes my feet appear smaller.

I employee asked, if I needed help. I told her I was looking for this shoe in black. She told me that they did not have a pair in black.

I then asked her if they had any lace foot cover in XL size. I bought a pair that I found in XL and it fit. Since then, I have been looking for more pairs in different colors that are an XL size. I originally found these items and put them on my Etsy board.

I have a brown pair. I want to collect more colors because they match my lace camisoles.

Next, I went to the food court and bought a pretzel. I sat at a table and practiced eating slowly with small bites while reading emails. I sat up straight (like my mother use to tell my sister) and crossed my ankles and bent  my knees slightly to the side.

Finally, Susan is shopping at Woodbridge Mall and having fun. If only my mother was here to hangout with me :-{. But she is here is spirit.

NOTE: My mother is alive in Orlando, but is in the final stages of Dementia.

Saturday April 11, 2015 - High School Investigation

After I left Goodwill, I headed to my father's old High School. It's a building is new and I wanted to find out about the Sports Hall of Fame was located.

My Dad was inducted into this Hall of Fame in 2005 and he passed the next year. He was happy to have been inducted as a football player. He used his success in sports to get a full college scholarship and from there, he went to Howard University dental school.



So, I wanted to find out about this Hall of Fame, so my sibling and I can start making an annual donation in his name.

I was looking cute in that new brown coat with the fur on the collar, hemline and cuffs. It fit so well and matched my pants and scarf.

I parked and went to the front door. I rang the bell and went in. The front office was closed but there was a football coach in the lobby. He asked what it needed. I told him, I was looking for the Sports Hall of Fame and if it was open to the public.

He stated that there is no location for the Hall in this new building. Girl, I was very disappointed. As the coach left, I walked toward the exit and I decided I needed the name and contact of the person who managed with the Hall of Fame.. Even though there was no physical location, there had to be a management team. I saw a guy at the security table, so I walked over to him and asked for the contact person of the Sports Hall of Fame.

He did not know but told me to wait and he would see if he could find out. He walked into an office down the hall to ask. He came back and stated that the lady in the office would bring that information out to me.

The guy then asked if I played sports at this high school. I said no. He said that it looked like I was a long distance runner. I did not know how to take that statement. I have had people at LA Fitness ask the same question because my figure is thin and lean. So I guess, I have a runners figure but I thought he  may have been talking about my figure in general. I mean I have a very feminine outfit which highlight my thin and lean body, was he giving me an overall positive compliment?

I told him, it was my father who played football at this school back in the late 1940's. I did not give my father's name and he did not ask.

This brought up an interesting problem. My father was very well know in the area. Should I tell people I am his name sake? It would mean I am publicly coming out.

If I were in boy mode, I would have told him who my father was and I was his oldest son. But in Femboy mode, I kept my mouth closed.

The office lady came out and stated she could not find the phone number of the contact and that I should leave my contact information and they will get it to the right person.

Now another issue arises. Which information should I give them? Boy or Femboy contact information.

I left my female name and email address along with my male phone number. This reminds me that I need to get a Femboy phone number that automatically forwards to my existing cell phone.

There is an app called Hushed that will do that along with Google voice and a web site called parkmyphone.com.

I thanked everyone there, the office lady, security guy and another man at the desk.

I turned around and slowly walked to the exit door. I was looking around at the school. It opened in 2010 and was really nice. Across the lobby was the gymnasium with a group of girls practicing sprints. It looked like it might have been a track and field team.

Then I started thinking about the teenagers in the school. How many of them are trangender and are any of them out? What a new world it is for them. I would have loved to meet them and tell them that it does get better. I am proof.

In 1972, my male cousin was expelled from this school for continuing to wear feminine clothes. Now here I am as a Femboy being treated with respect.

As I walked out of the door, I felt so confident and feminine. I know this is who I was meant to be.

Friday April 10,2015 - Goodwill Shopping

I started out my Femboy day in New Jersey with a green and brown outfit. I had my green wool hooded sweater with a brown pair of leggings that has the fake pockets.

I added my multi-color scarf and brown flats. I like this outfit but it was too cold for this outfit alone. I needed a coat.

It was my good luck that there was a Goodwill store a few blocks south of the hotel. So I decided to go find a winter coat.

It was only 35 degrees, so I went to find a coat first. I found a couple of nice coats at the store and tried them on. I wanted a coat that I could use next winter and was a different color and style from the two pea coats I already have. I already have a black and a creme pea coat.

The first coat I tried on was grey.This coat was a good fit, but the camera angle was poor. I liked this coat but it did not match my outfit. I really need a brown coat.

" "

When I found this coat, I was in love. This color matched my outfit and fit very well. I like the hemline and the front buttons. I need a brown coat and I really like the fur. It reminded me of a coat my mother would like.

There were many people in the store, which was very small when compared to Atlanta stores. While I was looking at coats, a lady came up to me and asked if the coats were part of a half price sale.

I told her in a soft by male voice, that I did not know. I knew that yellow tagged items were half off but I did not know about coats.

I was surrounded by women and felt no discomfort. I tried on a variety of coats in the dressing room. It came down to the two coats above. I chose the brown coat and headed to the front to pay.

Using my senior discount, I bought the coat. I told the cashier not to bag it because I was going to wear it. Being from Atlanta, I had not dressed warm enough for this cold weather. So, I put on the coat and kept shopping.

I did not find anything else I wanted to buy. The prices at this Goodwill were slightly higher than the Goodwill in Atlanta.

This was a relaxing shopping experience. I know I am a feminine looking guy and feel it. This is how I feel and I do not care what others thing. However, as I have been saying over and over again, I get zero negative reactions. Most women say hello and/or smile. I return the greetings and keep going.

Thursday April 9, 2015 - Femboy day in my N.J. hometown

Today is a very important and emotional day for me. I grew up in central N.J. and I am spending a couple of days here before I head up to CT. It was 50 years ago, that I remember starting to wear my mother's clothes.

For five decades I have struggled with my femininity. Now as I accept it and embrace it as a gift, I am back.

I am going to spend the day as Susan. I am going to shop at my old favorite mall, drive by old friends/family houses, visit grave sites and eat at an old favorite local restaurant.

My sister asked me the other day, how I thought my life would have been different, if I transistioned into a women in my early 20's. I told her that I did not know. But I have been thinking about it and I am going to use today to continue that thought.

So, by coming full circle, its going to help me retire any old demons still in my mind and try to connect to my past.

One thing is the weather. Now I remember why I left. Its 80+ degrees in Atlanta and 37 degrees here. I did not bring a heavy coat. I am going to the thrift store to buy one.

Over the next few days, I will discuss how this day went.

Wednesday April 8, 2015 - Femboy Gym outfits

I have been working out hard the last few days, because I ate too much over the weekend in Orlando. Below are three of my new Femboy workout outfits. I have worn the green and orange outfits the last two days. I did not have any issues wearing them out on the floor or in the locker room.

On Monday, I wore the orange outfit. I saw a friend of mine in the locker room. He had just finished his workout and I was starting mine.

We talked for about 15 minutes. Just general items of sports and politics. But I was in my orange outfit and he did not seem to notice.

Yesterday, I wore this grey and green outfit. I had on green socks, green shoe laces and a green overshirt. The undershirt and leggings were grey while the sneakers were from Payless and black.

The other mentioned items were bought from Goodwill.

I like the oputfit and had no issues in the gym while wearing this outfit.

 This is my first outfit which has the grey outer shirt, pink undershirt which is exposed under the outer shirt. I added black and pink sneakers with pink socks

The leggings are black with a nice cut-out design around the knees.

I wore this outfit last week.

This is my orange outfit. I had on black sneakers with orange shoe shoe strings. The pants are more yellow while the top is orange.The under shirt was yellow which matched the pants.

I like this outfit because of the pants.