Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Wednesday August 31, 2016 - Easy solutions to solving high heel foot pain

I do not wear high heels often but when I have worn them, some of my shoes really hurt my feet. Both my Orlando and Montgomery trips are examples of foot pain that occurred after wearing high heels during the day.

I read this article about woman taping their toes together to reduce pain. The article stated:

If you’ve ever hobbled home after a long day or night in heels, this tip is for you. Tape your third and fourth toes (counting from the big toe) together—we recommend nude medical tape for a low-profile look, but Scotch tape works in a pinch—to alleviate pain in the ball of your foot. Sound crazy? 

Here’s the reasoning: there’s a nerve that splits between those two toes, which causes pain when pressure is put upon it (a.k.a. when you wear heels). The tape removes strain on the nerve, allowing you to dance the night away. *

* Source

I am going to try this, the next time I  wear closed toe high heels. While search youtube, I found two short videos on making your high heels more comfortable to wear. One is based on store bought remedies while the second one was based on home remedies.

Store bought options

Home Remedies options

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Tuesday August 30, 2016 - Necklaces for different necklines

With the weather changing, I am begining to think about fall clothes and outfits. One of my problems (just one of many, Lol), is figuring out how to match my necklaces with the neckline of the top or dress.

Below is a nice infographic showing some options. This is followed by an informative short video.


Monday, August 29, 2016

Monday August 29, 2016 - Overnight Post: Transgender Ken Doll Cake

This is an interesting story about a California bakery that created a special cake requested by a customer. It was a Transgender Ken Doll cake. The owner thought the resulting cake looked good. So she posted a picture on her Facebook page. Below is the post, followed by a short video of what happened.

Monday August 29, 2016 - I liked her outfit and loved her hair

Saturday I went inside my bank to make a withdrawal. Usually, I use the ATM, but this was a new account and I lost my temporary card (Darn!). While inside a lady next to me at the counter caught my attention.

She is around my age and was in great shape. I liked her causal outfit with the cut up jeans and the top. I am trying to figure out what type of summer tops I like. Even though the end of the summer is near and I bought a summer top last week, still need at least a couple more.

But what really drew my attention was her hair. I tried to get a picture of her from behind, so I could show  the back length of her hair as it was past her shoulder blades. I loved the color as it was close to mine. The curls added a nice feminine touch. I would like to add a wig that is longer for the cooler months that I can curl.

As I passed her at the counter, I told her that I liked her hair and she smiled saying thank you. I wish I could have asked her how she got her hair like that. But being in boy mode, decided against it. Later I figured I could have said my daughter was looking for a hair style like that and then ask the question.

I sent this picture to my youngest daughter who is a hair expert and wears extensions. She told me that in Atlanta you can get the best work on your hair and that they were probably extensions and not a wig. I told her that I thought it might be a wig but the hairline was so natural. Again my daughter stated that in Atlanta, they have beauticians that can do wonders with lace front wigs and you can not tell.

I am going to check into that.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Sunday August 28, 2016 - How to wear a sheer top.

After my Dr's appointment, I went shopping at Goodwill. I needed to buy some nice summer tops.

One of my problems is that most of the summer tops I like are either sheer or almost sheer. The top I tried on in the left picture fit well and I liked the print, sleaves and neckline. But I could see my pink bra under it. I did not know a solution at the time, so I did not buy any of the tops I tried on that showed my bra.

Below is a picture of the only top I liked, that I bought. I was a black and white top. I liked the neckline and the belt was in a place that helped hide my stomach. I am getting back in the gym to get my A1c and stomach down!

These two tops are what I am looking some in summer tops. I want something different and a little more mature.

Once I got home, I found this video about what to wear under a sheet top. So, I am going back to buy that orange and white top along with a few others I saw. Plus I am going to buy the tops recommended in the video that I should wear under these tops.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Saturday August 27, 2016 - Finally had my followup Dr appointment

Yesterday, I finally made it to my 30 day HRT followup about 40 days late. I made my appointment late (4:40 pm) to make sure any issues that came up would be solved. I apologized to the Dr. but he was OK with it. He extended my prescription for 90 days and said someone from the office would call, if my blood work showed any problems. I was given a good bill of health after a short examination and he stated I looked well. I stated I felt well and thanks to him, my body image is being to match.

Basically, everything is going well physically and we talked about my elevated A1c (8.1+)  which needs to get under 7.5. I think he wants it under 7.0. This number is an indication of diabetes. I was surprised in 2010 when I was told my A1c was 10 and that they wanted to put me on insulin. I said to myself, hello no to insulin.

The next day is when I changed my eating habits and started exercising. I do not want to take insulin, so I decided to cure it naturally. It took 18 months and a new way of eating to get down from about 235 lbs to 160 lbs.

Now that I am not exercising (lack of motivation plus I want fat in womanly places) plus late night eating, my weight is up (181 lbs) and so is my A1c is up. So starting this weekend, I am going back into the gym and check my food. I eat a lot of hot dogs, salads, pizza and baked chicken. The only sugar I eat is yogurt and an occasional jelly sandwich. I do not like peanut butter. Of course, I now drink alot of water and very little diet soda. I do not smoke or drink alcohol. One wine cooler will give me a buzz.

Anyway back to the Dr's office. I was treated as a lady the entire time. They have a large Transgender clientele, so like E3000 (elecrology),they treat you very well.

I am a cash paying client, so my visit was $156.00 and my blood work $64.00. That is not bad, as they told me it was going to be about $300. So it looks like I will be paying $220.00 very 3 months ($73.33/month) plus $53 per month for meds. A total of $126.00+/- is not bad.

I spent 30 minutes with the front staff talking about buying woman clothes and Goodwill and these new phone apps. I will write about these apps shortly. This is a very interesting use of social networking. I used one of these app to sell a 2002 Toyota Camry for $2,400. I think there is an entreprenuerial play with this by monetizing items you want to get rid of, buy and resell (the car) or make and sell. I bought the car for $1,900 on Tuesday and sold it Friday. I am going to sell a car a month to pay for my Dr's appointment and meds.

I have not worked on my voice like I should. But I am working more on conversations with woman as a woman (woman talk). I now initiate conversations with woman as Susan by complimenting something. I just try to talk from my head and soften my voice. I will start more detailed work later this year.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Thursday August 25, 2016 - Misty Snow a Transwoman running for US Senate

I am a political junkie. Therefore I know Ms. Snow has about as much of a chance as a snowball in hell (tried my hand at some humor). But I admire her for running in Utah and paving the way for a future Transperson. Her opponent is Senator Mike Lee, Senator Ted Cruz's running buddy, is a formidable candidate..

Its tough for any Democrat to win in Utah. I assume Senator Lee will ignore her and I doubt she has much financial support. But her running is an important first step.

It reminds me of the late Shirley Chisholm running for President in 1972. She was the first woman and African-American to officially run for President under a major party. She did not have much of a chance but she showed a new generation of youth that its possible. 36 years later, just 3 years after her death, you had both Mr Obama and Ms Clinton fighting it out to be the nominee of a major party.

I wonder if a young transperson reads about this current race and dreams about the possibility? I hope it does not take another 35 years, because I might miss that one.

Here is a link to her website.

Meet the Trans Woman Running for Senate in a Mormon State | Broadly

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Wednesday August 24, 2016 - Shoe Shopping

Last Friday evening I went bra shopping and it included me going to two of my local Payless Shoe Stores. I did not find anything new. I did try on a couple of shoes, but I did not like them. Both stores still had many pairs of sandals and a few new arriving boots.

But I only saw I pair I was interested in. Its a brown gladiator heel, but I did not like the block heel. The sales clerk stated that this was the style. But I told her, it was not the style for me. We laughed. The big heel reminds me of 1970's platform shoes and I did not like how that heel looked on my feet.

I really need a nice brown shoe. I like the straps and the gladiator look of the shoe. Plus to slight upward tilt at the front of the shoe, forces my toes to peek out and it makes my painted toes look cute. But I can not get past that heel. Also the ankle strap allows me to tighten the shoe around my small ankles.

I need a brown shoe for the fall, but I will have to make due with what I have. I need clothes and bras first.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Tuesday August 23, 2016 - Dressing for your body type.

Recently, I have talked about dressing for the apple body type, which represents many of us Transwoman. Below is a short video about different body types. I like this video because it gives me an overall idea about using clothes to create an illusion by highlighting certain areas and hiding others.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Monday August 22, 2016 - I do not like these shoes

I am constantly looking at what women are wearing to determine what I like or do not like. I was at a traffic light and saw this lady wearing these boxy shoes. I d not like how they look and I think they take way from the dress.

It makes you look like you are walking on boxes strapped to your feet. I am not hating, just saying what I personally like or in this case, do not like.


In my previous post, I stated that my bra shopping was on Saturday. It was actually Friday evening. I wonder if my confusion is due to age, HRT or both. I did not realize my mistake until this evening. Wow.

I reviewed my previous posts and realized how many of my posts dealt with HRT. I need to get back to discussing other topics of interest. My current string of posts are probably reflective of my mental changes and a good indication that I am changing.

Before I started HRT in June, my posts covered more topics. I am going to get back to those variety of topics.

Monday August 22, 2016 - Rest of Saturday shopping

In a recent post I discussed my bra shopping at Kohls. Today's post will cover the rest of the day. Kohls was my last stop that day. I shopped at another store and two Payless Shoe Stores.

The first store I visited was a thrift store. I found my two previous bras at this store. I  like the way they present their bras by hanging each one on a rack by size. I could not find a 36A and I looked over the whole rack. I did see many 36B and 36C sizes. I found and bought a bra that just said 36 without a cup size. I thought that might work. But once I tried it on at home, it was too small and I figured maybe it was training style bra or for a woman with very little there.

I had a gentleman open the door for me as I entered the store and I thanked him. I had another gentleman open the door on my way out and after I said thanks, he said "You are welcome Ma'am.". I noticed this guy had been watching me and moving around to get a look at me while I shopped. Every time I looked up while I was shopping for summer tops, I would see him. So it was no surprise when he appeared ahead of me to open the door. I had parked right up front and had my keys in my hand. So I was in the car quickly.

While in the store and looking around, I noticed this lady trying on a very cute black pair of shoes. They were similar to the pair on the left.  I told her that the shoes looked good on her.

She replied. "Thanks and they are only $5". She had about 6 pair in her shopping cart. She pulled a second shoe out of her cart and asked, " Do you think this color is silver?"

"No, I think its a grey with some tan in it."

"Yes, I was hoping it might pass, but girl I love these shoes and the price is only $5. Do you think I should get it"

I jokingly said, "You pay more than that for drink at the club."

She laughted says' "Girl, I know that is right, I think I am going to get both pairs."

I moved on to continue shopping, but felt really good about that conversation. If felt natural and that she considered me another female. I still need to work on my voice, but I am going to practice by doing. Once I feel comfortable having female conversations, I may get voice lessons. But now I need to feel comfortable talking with other ladies.

Nest I went to two Payless Stores. I will discuss those visits tomorrow.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Sunday August 21, 2016 - HRT and week 10

I can not believe its been 10 weeks, since I started HRT. Well this is my weekly recap. I wanted to discuss the rest of my Friday bra shopping today, But I will write that post tomorrow.

I am in the 3rd month and according to many charts, physical and mental changes become pronounced.

Each person is different but for me the physical changes started early followed by the mental changes.

In the past week, I have not noticed any mental changes. I think these changes happen slowly and are harder to notice. I suspect, others will say something first. For example, my friend Karen stated a couple of weeks ago that I seemed calmer and more relaxed.

This week I had many small physical changes.

  1. I noticed the fat accumulation around my hips and thighs which have become so soft and smooth
  2. I  am moving toward bras for more support and away from sports bras.
  3. Friday, I closed the car door and hit my breast. Girl, did that hurt. It was just the corner of the door nicking my breast. But it hurt alot. Now I give more room between me and physical things because I do not want to hit my breasts again.
  4. Thursday, when that lady mistook me for a woman while in the back of my friends car and in boy mode.
  5. This morning I noticed my eyes. I have brown eyes like my Mom. Today my eyes looked clearer and the color is standing out a little more. 

Overall, I am very happy with the changes and look forward to more. I will try again this Friday to have my blood work and meeting with my Doctor. It was suppose to be after week 4. But its tough to get in the see him and each time over the last few weeks a very important court case or travel was required based on old long standing cases.

But I really would like to know where my hormone levels are. Currently, as long as I drink alot of water, I feel ok.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Saturday August 20, 2016 - went bra shopping yesterday

You know how some days you go to work dressed for an important meeting or you work in an office and dress appropriately. Once you get home, you change into a more relaxed outfit. Well that was what I did yesterday. I had a court case as an expert witness, so I was in a suit. Once I finished, and BTW my client won, I headed home to dress in a more casual outfit. Once I changed, I went bra shopping.

I now consider my female attire to be just another change of clothes as I move closer to full-time.

It use to take days for me to get ready to go out as Susan or even as a Femboy. I had to figure out my schedule, get my body shaved, choose my outfit and choreograph everything. Now, I am always ready and just change then go.

I needed some more bras as I move away from my sports bra. I ended up going to a thrift store, Payless Shoes and Kohls.

In this post I will discuss my bra shopping at Kohls. I will discuss the rest of my shopping trip tomorrow.

Kohls was my last stop. It was about 9:30 and I know they were open until 11 pm, So I had time. I went into the bra discount section and found 5 bras in my size. I decided to try on both 36A and 36B bras. I just wanted to she how a 36B looked and fit.

The select at Kohls is OK, but I need to find a store with a cute select but at a reasonable price. Kohls has reasonable prices but the downside is the style, lace and femininity. I guess, I could use Kohls for the basic utility bras and then find a store (Victoria Secrets) for the cute bras for those special days.

The first three were 36A bras.

This black bra was made out of a material that gave it a soft and very nice feel. It provided full coverage and wore very nice. I did not buy it, but I may come back and add it to my every set. It felt really nice. 

 This grey bra has wider side bands to keep your skin under your armpits from folding over the bra. It was very basic and again was full coverage.
This creme bra had a front buckle with a deeper V-cut that allowed for this bra to work with a V-neck top. It was very basic with fill coverage. I will probably come back and get this one along with the black bra.

The next set of bras were a size 36B. A girl an dream! I just wanted to check my progress. I knew from the 36A bras above that I am not big enough yet, but I just wanted to check.

 The 36B bras are big in the cup size. But not too big. I could wear them as I did full most of the cup. But I am not a full B-cup yet.

However, this pink bra looked the best. I liked the color and the lace. You know me and lace. Inside, my breasts could touch the outer edge of the cup but not fill it. But I hope by the end of the year, I will be in a B-cup.
This blue and purple bra fit like the pink lace bra above. However it does not compare to the pink lace bra in style.

I may come back and buy 3 of the 5 I tried on.

I decided to wait before I bought some more bras because I need to visit more stores and get a better idea of  price vs quality vs style.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Friday August 19, 2016 - I failed as a boy. YEAH!

Yesterday, I helped my elementary school friend and his brother move his 90-year old mother from her house into a new and very nice Assisted Living facility. She was one of the first residents to move in.

I brought them lunch and helped move and empty some boxes. I came in boy mode. I had on a racing bra and two T-shirts. The first T-shirt was tight and the second T-shirt was larger. I was ready to work and help move.

After about three hours, we drove over to his Mom's house to pickup some more of her items. I was sitting in the back of his car, while he and his brother were sitting upfront. They are both over 6'4" and needed the legroom.

Once we returned to the facility, we drove by two young African-American female employees. We met them earlier in the day. Now they were by the car and getting ready to leave. We stopped and rolled down the passenger window. All of the windows were lightly tinted.

Let me say, what happens next is a joke that African American make when among themselves. So no one took it personal. I just want you to know this ahead of time.

The older brother spoke to the ladies at the car and asked them what they were doing and why the were leaving.

The one young nurse said that she was going to call 911 because there were two old black men in a Mercedes hassling them and having a women in the back seat. We all laughed and my friends were laughing about both her threat and that I was mistaken for a women. The young girl, looked at me again and the laughed apologizing for referring to me as a female.

I said no problem and that we need to move fast before 5 or more police officers "beam in" to check our identification. About 45 years ago, as teens we were stopped and hassled by the police on a few occasions. So we started talking about those days and our thoughts. It brought back many funny memories.

As we moved to park the car, I was on cloud nine. I was so happy because it was the first time I was mistaken for a woman while in boy mode. Granted, the window reduced her view. But my face is developing enough female qualities that people who just catch a quick glimpse of me may see enough female characteristics to ID me as a female.

This supports the fact that when I look in the mirror, I see more female qualities. Wednesday night, Karen said my face was looking more female. Last week, this same friend, stated I looked more youthful and my face looked clearer.

Karen, my friend and now this young nurse all seem to agree, my face is presenting more female characteristics. Because I was diffidently in boy mode, all three time. I think its due to the placement of fat. More fat is being deposited in my cheekbones up and back to my eyes. Also my eye area looks different.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Thursday August 18, 2016 - Our future is bright.

A new USA Today polling of 18-34 year olds, shows that the future leaders of our country, support our bathroom use based on presentation and not a birth certificate. They also agree that discrimination against the LGBTQ is a big problem.

My opinion is that this poll shows that the Transgender community has growing long term support within the community. Of course there will be haters out there. But the future majority is with us. We need to make sure we are open to that support.

Sometimes we spend too much time looking inward and we miss the opportunity to accept support. On a personal level, we miss the opportunity to be that positive role model in a one-to-one interaction. To smile, say hello and project positive karma, when the opportunity arises.


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Wednesday August 17, 2016 - Female wardrobe for boyish figure

Yesterday I mentioned that I like wearing my regular bras over my sports bras. This is a recent change.

I was not sure why, but I noticed something Tuesday. While showing and dressing, I noticed a slight heaviness or weight in my chest area. The sports bra holds me in but does not give me the support. My regular bras give me support by spreading out that weight and I feel the difference.

Therefore as I continue to slowly grow, my support needs is moving me to regular bras.

Before I started HRT, I had a square boyish figure (flatter stomach). Then over the last year, I gained weight around my stomach and become more apple. Now as my figure changes, again, my clothes will need to change. Below is a short video that discusses the type of wardrobes that make the boyish body more feminine.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Tuesday August 16, 2016 Still small changes

I spent yesterday and I will spend today taking an all day on-line continuing education course. Hopefully, I can get out and shop Wednesday or Thursday.

Over the last few days, I have noticed felt more secure in a full bra than my normal sports bra. I am definitively going to buy some more bras this week. I will still use my sports bra while in the gym.

I now wake up most mornings with my nipples hard and protruding. I think they are growing outward, but very slowly. The base is wide and full.

It's hard for me to explain but I am aware of them more and more. They are balancing out and moving more. I think that is why the sports bra is becoming less secure than a regular bra.

Its been three weeks since my last electrology session and my face is still clear. I may not need another session. I am due to go back next week. I may go visit my tech later this week and get her opinion. I could shave and then wait another couple of weeks to see what grows.

Also, I my body hair growth has slowed. I will complete a body shave this week, but its not much. I just love the 100% smooth look and feel.

I am in need for both new male and female clothes as my body continues to slowly change.

Mentally, its harder for me to concentrate and stay on task. I do not know if its HRT or old age. It maybe both.

But I can tell my days of crossdressing as a boy are coming to an end.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Monday August 15, 2016 - Exercising based on our body type.

When I started this journey in March 2010, the first item on my list, was to loss weight. Over the next 18 months, until about Sept/Oct 2011, I lost over 50 lbs. But my goal not weight reduction but waist reduction and dress size. My waist goal was 34 inches and I started at 44 inches. I wanted to get into a size 10/12 dress.

Between modifying my eating (which was the most important) and exercise, I overshot my goal, as my waist went down to 32 inches and my dress size went down to 8/10. Over 5.5 years since, I have been able to keep my shape under control.

The last year was tough because of the Grandkids living in the house. So I bounced off the bottom of the scale. Now that I am on HRT, I have stopped exercising and my appetite has increased.

I have started exercising again, after a 7 week layoff, and I just need to reduce my caloric intake while still satisfying my appetite.

With the change in my body, I have decided to take a fresh look at both exercising and eating.

Last week I exercised both Monday and Wednesday. I realized my body could not handle nearly the exercising I was doing pre-HRT. So, I am going to build my endurance back up, but maybe I need to do it differently.

I found this video which I am going to use as a basic for a new exercise system.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Sunday August 14, 2016 - Great solution! I have this problem all the time.

How many times do you have a bracelet but can not get the two ends connected?

Sunday August 14, 2016 - A video interview about Transwoman safety

One of the youtube channels I follow is Jacob Kohinoor. I do not like most of his videos, but he sometime will have a good interview. He is young and sot is interviewee. Therefore, I have problems with the "you know" phases and some of his slag terms.

However, one of the transgirls he interviewed had some good information about Transwoman safety based on her own experience. The interview was in Piedmont Park in Downtown Atlanta.

Below I have the full 8 minute video. Plus I broke the video into three one minute segments that highlighted to best part of the video. This way, if you can not watch all 8 minutes,, I suggest watching one or more of the three short one clips.

Full 8+ min Video

Segment on watching your back

Segment on black on black crime

Her friend Ashley Sinclair was murdered in Orlando

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Saturday August 13, 2016 - Dressing Friday was different.

Friday I felt like dressing as Susan. It felt natural and it what I wanted to do. I could not find much to fit me. Most of my clothes are fall and winter. My summer outfits naturally fit tighter and I could not get them to fit right across my chest. I have gained 1.5 inches across my breast line and it caused my dresses not to fit right. They were tight across my chest.

The only top I could wear was really a fall top. I added yellow skinny jeans to brighten up the outfit. Also, the new pink bra I bought is getting small. The edge of the cup left an impression diagonally across my breasts as my breasts were pushing out again the cups.

I need to go buy a few new bras and a few summer tops. I will try and do that Monday

But I do not want to buy to many items because with my constant body changes over the next year or two, I suspect I will need new clothes each season.

Also, my stomach at 37" is too big for some of my dresses. I like A-line dresses to show off a thin body. But until I get my stomach down a couple of inches, I  am going to look for a shift style dress. The main reason I exercised so much was to keep my stomach down so that I have a thin look.

Not completing my weight goals in 2016 before I started HRT is coming back to haunt me. Now, I get so hungry during the day. I try to eat salads and drink water to satisfy my hunger while trying to keep my weight and stomach down. I wanted my net daily caloric intake to increase so that the fat would settle in female areas. I think that is happening, but some fat is still settling in my stomach area.

Speaking of working out, I worked out for second day on Wednesday. I did well on the stairmaster, increasing  my time from 15 to 17 minutes. I will keep increasing my time until I get back to 45 minutes. However, my time on the Elliptical was cut short to only 15 minutes. At about the 13 minute mark, my thighs began to cramp. I was planning 30 to 35 minutes but struggled due to cramping to reach 15 minutes.

I figured I must drink even more water, if I am going to get back into the gym. I am already drinking about 80 - 100 oz of water daily. The 200 mg of daily spironolactone causes dehydration. Adding exercise will require me to drive even more water. I think I am going to start taking a water bottle and drink water while exercising to keep cramping down. I may include some drinks that will allow me to hydrate quickly.

Friday, August 12, 2016

Friday August 12, 2016 - Emotional changes

Kati Reynolds left a comment on yesterday's post. Its a very important question that I did not address because that post was about physical measurements. However, I should include in the future monthly post about my physical changes, any mental/emotional/psychological changes.

I felt it was more important to answer Kati's question in a post than in a reply to her comment.

So thank you Kati.

In these past two months, emotional/mental changes have occurred but they are slight and less noticeable.

  1. Within the first month, I started feeling calmer and less aggressive in situations. Growing up in NJ, I was always a very aggressive driver and in a hurry to get somewhere. Even in my late 50's, I have been told I have slowed down, but I get upset if I feel disrespected on the road. Now, I do not care. I am a better and more courteous driver. About two weeks ago, someone cut me off on the Interstate to get off at an exit I was also using. That driver could have easily got behind me.I just brushed it off. In the past I would have tried to return the favor by chasing him down and cutting him off.
  2. My sex drive has not dropped to zero yet. But, I go weeks without thinking about sex and being driven by that little voice in my head.
  3. When I do get in the mood, its more romantic with hugging and cuddling Its less about the physical act. It takes much longer for me to get aroused and get an erection. I have no more spontaneous erections and the sight of things do not cause an erection. But I still get an erection. 
  4. My emotions bubble up quicker but I have not started a lot of crying bouts that I have read are coming. But I can tell they are coming. I was listening to my oldies playlist and certain songs did cause my emotions to bubble up. It just happened that certain songs made me so sad and like a volcano, the emotions rose but stopped short of tears. One song did make my cry, not heavy tears, but the song, which I have heard so many times over 40 years, sounded so beautiful. His voice and my memories brought me to tears. I feel my emotions rising as I write this.
  5. Recently, when Karen and I get together to see a movie, she has stated that I seem more relaxed and content.
Overall I am changing inside as well at outside. The outside changes are easier to see and document. The inside changes are harder to pickup because I think they are more subtle.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Thursday August 11, 2016 - 2 month measurements

Its been 60 days since I started HRT. Around the 10th of every month I will document my physical changes. My plan is to do this over 24 months.

Before I start, I must talk about a business meeting I had last night with one of my closest friends. I have known for 52 years. Our parents were good friends early on and. I usually see him one or twice a month. His mother is still alive at 90 and I am going to help her move from her home into an assisted living facility, next week.

Yesterday, I got to the restaurant early. When he arrived, he stated how "clean and well shaved" I looked. I brushed it off saying, "Yeah, I washed my face today". But I knew what he meant. I looked different and he did not know why. Since 2009, I always kept my head and beard shaved. So he has seen me this way for about 7 years.

But for him to mention it, means that what I am seeing in the mirror, others are seeing. To me, I do not know what it is, but I see Susan more and more. I am getting a more feminine appearance. Its nothing specific, just an overall look. I think my face is becoming less angular.

Below is the monthly chart with the new measurements, followed by the change from last month.

The first three measurement concerning the chest shows a 1/2 inch overall increase: under the breasts, the breast line and over the breasts. That is consistent with, what I notice is an overall growth in breast tissue. I am now getting a slight natural movement of my whole chest when I exercise or walk up/down stairs.

The worst area is my stomach that grew 1 inch. I wanted to be at 35" which would be a 1 inch reduction, not an inch increase to 37". This is why I must get back in the gym and control my caloric intake. If I can do that, then I can get that number moving back down.

My hips and thighs saw no change, even though my hips appear rounder to me. Maybe it was a filling in process. I use to have indents on the side. I do not see or feel them anymore. Hopefully next month there will be more growth in that area.

Finally, my shoulders did not change from 45". I must be adding some fat because I know I am losing muscle. I can see both the lack of definition and my workout, which was light, made my shoulder muscles ache.

Overall, I like what is happening in the chest area, but that stomach needs to be turned around. Hopefully my hips and thighs will see increased over the next 30 days.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Wednesday August 10, 2016 - Doctor's appointment and exercise

Today I have my doctor's appointment for a blood test. I was suppose to have one last month. I cancelled it and never made another one. So they made one for me. I am being a bad girl. I need to reschedule until Friday. Its important to get a reading on my blood for possible problems, to see if my dose needs to be adjusted and my hormone levels. So I promise, to myself to be there Friday.

My Monday exercise to good. It made me feel much better. However, I could tell the difference of being away for so long. I started with the stairmaster. Previously, I was doing 30 minutes and testing 45 minutes. I tryinng to reach 1 hour. Every 15 minutes I increase the step speed to the highest number. I do this for one minute. Yesterday, I could only do 15 minutes and it wore me out. I am going to get back to 30 minutes and keep it there.

I moved to the elliptical. I immediately noticed my chest moving as I exercised. It was a slight bouncing, even though I was wearing a sports bra. I had on one of my bigger T-shirts, as a precaution. I do not know if anyone could see them, but I felt them. I usually complete 60 minutes as a minimum and I use to do 120 minutes or in a few cases 180 minutes. I am going to try and get back to 60 minutes. But my shoulders began to hurt after 10 minutes. Also I usually burn 700 to 750 calories in an hours. This machine measurement may not be actuate but its a way of comparing your effort over time. So in 30 minutes I should be in the 360 to 375 range.  I only reached 335 and my shoulder were aching. This supports the fact that I have had muscle loss around my shoulders. Now my new goal is 60 minutes at 660+ calories.

I am ready to get back into an every other day routine. Yesterday, I realized, I missed working out, Even if my body can not give the same effort, I feel so much better.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Tuesday August 9, 2016 - Back in the gym

I decided to get back in the gym today. Tomorrow I have my doctor's appointment for a blood sample. Nothing motives you than an upcoming Doctor's appointment. Lol

But I think I need to get get back into the gym as away to relieve stress, feel better and slim down. Even if it means losing fat in my female areas, my stomach needs to get flatter and my overall mental and physical health needs to improve.

Also, I find working out puts energy back into my body.

It has been about 6 or 7 weeks since I worked out. So I am going to start slow and build back up over the next 4 to 8 weeks.

I am going to complete 15 minutes on the stairmaster and then 30-60 minutes on the elliptical.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Tuesday August 9, 2016 - Trump

Monday August 8, 2016 - Blah

I woke up this morning wanting to stay in bed all day. I have no drive today. I love how my body is changing, but my mental state if different.

I guess, I would say its might be a slight depression. But I am not sad, just indifferent. Usually, I wake motivated for the day's activities. This morning, I want to roll over and do nothing. Maybe surf the web or read a book.

I am having some financial issues. But I will solve them, I always do. But this time, I really do not care. I keep choosing something else, instead of fixing the problem. Time just seems to move so quickly.

This mental hazy is probably due to the meds and my age.

I am going to try and kick this feeling by trying to get to the gym. Maybe resuming my exercising will help.

I am starting month #3 and according to the charts, most mental and physical changes begin. So maybe my mental changes are beginning to take off.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Sunday August 7, 2016 - HRT and Week 8

Last night I was sweating and warm. I ended up taking off my gown because I was warm and the gown was damp.

Overall, this past week, the change I noticed was a rounding and fat accumulation around my hips, thighs and butt. I have not been to the gym in weeks. I am trying to watch what I eat, but I know I am gaining weight. The fat seems to be accumulating in female areas. That is good, but I need to get back in the gym to concentrate on my stomach. I wish I had gotten rid of my stomach fat between Jan. and June, like I planned.

What is stopping me is that I know, when I lose weight with cardio, I will lose weight all over. Therefore, not only stomach fat but fat in my female areas. I think this realization is keeping me from getting back in the gym.

Below is a picture of my left hip area in June (brfore HRT) and today (HRT - 8 weeks).

HRT Week 0 HRT Week 8
As you can see there is an accumulation of fat around my hips. In the Week 8 pic, I did pull in my "tire" around my stomach. But even without pulling in my stomach to tighten my waist, there is a roundness in the hip area. In Week 0, my hip area is straight down. The dark mark in Week 0 was a bug bite that disappeared due to the daily application of vitamin E and coconut oil.

I wore my black male suit pants yesterday. I noticed the hip change because the pants were tight around the hip and thigh areas but not below the knees.

I am going to go buy some male dress pants with more room in the hip and thigh area which probably means a larger waist.(34' or 36") depending on the cut of the pants.

Overall, I am taking my meds on time, twice a day. I feel good and I love the way I am looking. My cousins told me, during our trip, that I looked great and appeared so young for 60.

Just keep remembering slow and steady.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Saturday August 6, 2016 - Reflections

I am back in Atlanta. This morning I am in a reflective mood, as I think about my 4-day trip and my current trip..

This trip could not have come at a better time. I have not seen my second cousin Joe in over 40 years. I remember when someone saying "40 years" was an unfathomable amount of time. Now it seems like yesterday.

As I stated yesterday, I did not get all of my answers about my cousin Jeffery's "crossdressing" in the 1970's. My cousin Joe did not want to get into it. He is going thru radiation therapy for Stage 3 colon cancer. So this reunion was very important to him and I have this feeling that it maybe our last meeting

My two first cousins are very support for my transition. Talking about our parents, grandparents and others, who are no longer on this earth, answered many questions.

Event hough we only lived a few miles apart and saw each other often while growing up, they had no idea about my "crossdressing". We discussed how society has changed so much and is now more accepting as we become more knowledgeable about LGBT issues. Our parent's and grandparent's generation were less definitely less so..

One of my cousins married a white man in 1975 and moved to SF. They were but bisexual and between the LGBT and racial issues, moving to SF was best. BTW he was also, Jewish. So both sets of parents, located in NJ, were  not jumping for joy about their relationship. It lasted about 20 years. They came back to NJ in the 1990's and got divorced. They are both still good friends. But her husband "married" a guy and so did my cousin in 2004.

There was so much LGBT activities inside my extended NJ family during the early 1970's. But there was no discussion about it within that extended family. Our parents kept it away from us. They might have talked about it among themselves, but definitely not with our generation.

Now its 2016 and as I move forward, I think about how these issues are talked about more and society is more accepting. We still have more work to do, but society is moving in the right direction.

As for me, I will never get all of answers to my questions about the 1960's and 1970's. But that is OK. I need to make sure my children and grandchildren know and understand. That is the main reason for this blog. To document my transition and society's transition about Transgenderism.

I do not know how long this blog may have new posts or how long this blog will remain active after I stop posting. But I want this to become a resource for future generations to understand this time period. A time capsule for the future about the past.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Friday August 5, 2016 - My trip

I had planned on writing this post Saturday. However, Thursday afternoon we drove to the Beau Rivage casino in Biloxi, MS.

While we were figuring out where to eat, we began to talk about Jeffrey, my transcousin who died in 1984. I brought up the fact that my sister is having a problem with my transgenderism,  because of her religion. My two first cousins stated that they have talked to my sister and agree that she is trying to understand but is not there yet. She has shown more emotion while talking with my cousins than while talking with me.

I turned to my second cousin, Joe and explained to him that I am a transwoman and the impact Jeffrey, who is four years older than me, and his brother had on me. I asked Joe, who is three years older than me, what really happened during that time.

I asked him, if the "crossdressing" caused Jeffery to get kicked out of high school. Joe said no, and that he never crossdressed at school. He got kicked out of school because he went on an overnight school trip, for honor students, in the Poconos. During that trip he got drunk and his parents had to drive up there to retrieve him.

I find that hard to believe, but I will take his word. He then stated that the first time he saw his brother dressed as a woman was at a high school party.

Also, his parents did not kick him out of the house but sent him to a clinic in Seattle, Washington the help him stop "crossdressing". He stayed there a few years, with a friend and then came home.

He really did not respond to my revelation. He stated his brother and his transfriend came home in the late 1970's and because very religious until he passed.

I was disappointed in this discussion because I feel he sugar coated this issue, but I am not going challenge him. I just wish we had a more detailed discussion. But I felt he did not really want to discuss it.

Given the reason for this trip and his health, I am feeling, this maybe the last time I see him. I really wanted to discuss Jeffery in more detail, but I dropped it.

The reason I know, Joe knows more than he is saying, is because we all knew at an early age Joe was gay. We did not know about Jeffery until he came out in high school. To this day Joe has never come out. He just says he stayed with him Mom after his parent's divorce and moved to her family home in Mississppi in 1988. He took care of his Mother until she died in 2009.

Also, I have letters Jeffery wrote to my father while he was in Seattle. He seemed to be living there as a female and living in a poor condition.

Joe has always been asexual to us, but we assumed he was gay and we loved him the way he is. We has a great sense of humor and has always been fun to be around. Even during this trip we have laughed so much discussing our parents and grand parents, warts and all. It has been very enlightening. Plus its has been so much fun to reconnect and discuss events in which we all have different memories.

I have learned that sometimes, live is not like a movie and we will not get all of the answers we want.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Thursday August 4, 2016 - Getting Hips

Today I noticed my hips, thighs and butt rounding out. Over the past week, I have been getting some indication that fat was forming in this area. But this morning I woke up and I saw and felt a roundness and softness in the area. It was unmistakable. I am sure there is more growth to go and it feels great.

It is difficult to show this in a picture, but I took some pictures and showed them below.

As I sit writing this, my hips are spreading outward as the fat in the area is pressed out. I just need to get rid of this fat around my stomach. As I begin to workout again, I hope it will reduce my stomach and give me a more hourglass shape.

My body is headed in the right direction. Next Wednesday is my 2 month HRT measurement date. I look forward to see the changes reflected in these measurements.

I am enjoying my trip to Mississippi with my cousins. I will have a post about this trip on Saturday.

But I did have one problem. I forgot my meds. Darn! Luckily, I needed to purchase my August meds and I am using Walmart. So I was able to call my local Walmart and have the prescription transferred to the Walmart down the street from my hotel. I purchased my August meds yesterday.

So I am still on schedule and drinking a lot of water. Its very hot and muggy, so drinking water is a requirement.

Below are some picture, I took to try and show my hip area.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Wednesday August 3, 2016 - 15 Transgender people have been killed so far in 2016 - Here are their stories

15 Transpeople have been murdered so far in 2016. We must remember to be safe!

What I am going to say in not an excuse, but as more of us come out, it will increase the number of killings based on the average number per 100,000.

We should not think that all the murders are based on unhealthy behavior.

Remember Their Names: All the Transgender People Killed in 2016

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Tuesday August 2, 2016 - Road trip

I am leaving today for a 4-day road trip with my only two first cousins. My father had a sister and my mother was an only child. My aunt had two daughter and we all grew up in the same town. One cousin is 1 year older than me and the other is two years younger than me. With my sister, the four of us were born over a four year period.

We had a lot of fun together growing up. We recently located a long lost second cousin who we lost contact with in the mid 1970's. We heard he had moved with him mother, once his parents divorced, back to Mississippi. Thanks to Facebook, we found him last year. He is one year older than us and is battling cancer.

My two cousins are flying into Atlanta today and we are driving to Meridian, MS to spend 4 days with him.

What is interesting about this cousin, is that his older brother was trans. In 10th grade, his older brother, Jeff, came out of the"closet" by going to school dressed in female clothes.

This was in 1970, WOW. How brave he must have been and how powerful is gender dysphoria  was. He was thrown out of school and his Dad threw him out of the house. My Dad tried to mediate the situation because he was school board president and it was his cousin's son. I suspect my Dad helped him financial.

I remember the reaction by family members and friends. My friends use to tease me about my cousin being on the streets looking like a girl.

By this time, my parents knew about my crossdressing. So my Dad did not run for reelection so he could spend more time with me. I would be going into high school and they increase my time with the therapist. As I told them in 1990, it did not cure me because I was not sick, but all of this drove me deeper in the closet. I could not disappoint my parents or younger siblings.

Because Jeff was out on the street, he became a "female" prostitute. In the mid 1970's he left N.J. for Seattle Washington. My Dad stayed in communication with him by mail. In 1982, when my Grandmother died, he came to the funeral. I had not seen him in 10 years and he was dressed as a male. He had found God and returned to NJ.

I can still see him sitting in the corner of the room by himself. I was so busy, I did not get a chance to talk with him. Maybe I was afraid to. This bothers me to this day. He dies of AIDS in the mid 1980's.

Later, my father gave me the letters Jeffrey wrote to him. In one of those letters from the late 1970's, he complained that his friends were dying from some mysterious illness.

Seeing Micheal this week will bring back some of those memories and I hope he will talk about it. In the meanwhile, I have told my two cousins about being a transwoman and they are very supportive. So I look forward to talking about this on the trip.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Monday August 1, 2016 - Feeling pretty good

I took a selfie Sunday. I like the way I am looking in my skinny jeans and female polo shirt.

My hips and shoulder are lining up. I am seeing a very slight curve down the sides of my torso from my armpits to my hips.

My breasts are pressing against the top as they protrude forward.

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that my skin is getting so soft. I completed a full body shave last week and the hair has not grown back yet.

The same with my face. I had my electrology session, last Wednesday and as of Sunday, I do not see any new whiskers.

So I am feeling pretty good and like the way my HRT is going.