Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Tuesday February 28, 2017 - A Doctor's perspective

Side note:
Its the end of February and another month of abnormally high temperatures in Atlanta. I remember when I was a Freshman in college. It was 70 degrees plus for a week. It was January and that became a record (1974) until this year (2017). I was from New Jersey and decided that week, that I was going to live in Atlanta.

Below is a short video from a doctor's perspective about trans youth.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Monday February 27, 2017 - A New Film Celebrating Femme Identity Among Gay Men

I often wonder why certain feminists are anit-transwoman?

It feeds into a narrative that Men are superior to Woman. This narrative supports the anti-transwoman bias in this county. It always bothered me that is OK for woman to have clothes from both side of the closet, but men must stick to their side only.

Why can't men add dresses and skits to their wardrobe? Because, why would a man what to be anything like a woman?

There is a short film project that will be getting underway this Spring. It's called FEMME. In just a day, they had a success crowd funding campaign.

Eventhough this is about feminine gay men, I believe anything that supports femininity in men, either directly or indirectly supports transwoman.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Saturday February 25, 2017 - I finally told my oldest and best friend

I have know this guy, I will call him Mike, for 50 years. There were a group of young couples in the early 1960's that had advanced degrees, young children and a bright future.

All of us lived in the same apartment complex. We all grew up together, had children at the same time and are now grandparents. Mike is the first of the group I told.

I decided to tell him yesterday. He asked me to meet him because his Mom, who turned 91 last week and is the last living member of that age group, has her house for rent.

I went by to say hello to him Mom who still has here mental health. I like to visit her because it reminds me of my parents and the fun we had growing up. I still have the old 8MM and 16 MM reel-to-reels.

Mike and I are real close. He is a Doctor who works in corporate America. He met his wife at my wedding as they were both in the wedding party. I went to his college and medical graduations and he came to my graduations. We both have 3 daughters. Are daughter's ages match, that is so crazy. We have some off-color jokes about that. We each had daughters born the same year, three different times.

We have been thru alot of crazy stuff together.  Not appropriate to discuss here (LOL).

After I talked with him Mom, we went by her house (sehe is in an assisted living facility) to discuss the options.

Afterward, we went to the movies and saw The Great Wall. It was a fun escape movie.

Finally, we went to dinner. I decided to talk to him about my transgender issues. He is the first of the group I decided to tell. Being a Doctor, made it easier for me to talk to him. He said he did not know and would have never guessed.

Since he has know me the entire time I was suffering from gender dysphoria, I could match our historic events with my "crossdressing" activities.

He was very supportive and asked many questions. He was especially interested in the fact that my meds have eliminated my dysphoria. It was a very good talk and he was happy that I shared it with him.

I discussed with him, how I am in a good place mentally and I am not sure when or if I will present full time. I did show him some pictures and like my sister and brother-in-law, he was impressed with the results.

As I think about it, I would be surprised if any of these long term friends were not supportive. We have been through too much and they are open minded. I am feeling really good today and the weather in Atlanta in beautiful.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Wednesday February 22, 2017 - I am have just proved this new study is correct.

A new study in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has good news for trans kids who just want to be themselves.

The results match a variety of other studies that have found that:

  • When kids are allowed to transition, including the use of puberty blockers, it improves their mental health.
  • When parents affirm their kids’ gender identities, they have normative rates of depression and anxiety.
  • When families reject their kids’ gender identities, it increases the likelihood of their suicidality and substance abuse.
  • Transgender kids identify as completely with their gender identity as their cis-gender peers.

As I have stated recently, since being on HRT for over 8 months, my mental health has improved tremendously.

I wonder, if I had been allowed to alter my hormones when I was young, how that would have affected my overall happiness and the stress my dysphoria created over the past 50 years.

Hormones are powerful chemicals that make major physical and mental changes. They affect everyone differently. I would have never thought that HRT would change the direction of my transition, in sh a profound way.

I think that these studies along with real-life examples, will change our community forever.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Tuesday February 21, 2017 - Milo is a joke... but he is not funny.

This Milo Yiannopoulos is an alt-right attention-seeker,  racist, transphobic, misogynist guy who for some reason is the darling of some conservatives.

But I find it interesting that he hate transgender people and lies about us.

Yet a recent audio tape shows him supporting pedophilia.

Anti-Transgender - Discussion

Pro-Pedophile Discussion

I find most anti-something people has deep seated issues related to their hatred. They are using hatred and outlandish statements as a way to upset people and/or cry for help. This is why I learned never to react negatively to racists and other haters. That is what they want. I smile and return sarcasm back.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Monday February 20, 2017 - This past weekend

Yesterday, I mentioned that I am in Orlando, visiting with my sister and watching my Grandkids. I wanted my brother to come, but as usual he came up with a reason not to come.

I wanted to talk to my brother, sister and brother-in-law together about my current decision. In 2015, when I told them of about my transition, they were not 100% with it but were not against it.

As I talked to my sister, yesterday, I think being the oldest sibling and trying to live this positive life that my siblings could look up to was part of the problem. My transition showed them that I am not perfect and that they may lose their older brother.

My sister and brother-in-law are very religious. My brother-in-law and I get along very well except for his "preaching" that he relates to everything.

Of course, both of them were happy about my pause. But I think they were happier that I am happy and in a good place mentally. I discussed my friendship with Karen, who accepted my transition early and has been my "free" therapist.

I showed them a few pictures of Susan and they were both shocked at how good I looked. I think for the first time, they saw that the transition would not be as shocking as they thought.

my youngest daughter and me

Finally, I told them I was going to church. I found this non-denominational church. I am not a "religious person" but the service is about life issues and helps me think about things.

We did not go to church often, when I was growing up. I did go every Sunday while my children were growing up. But as soon as they left for college, I stopped going.

I found this church by going with Karen to a Christmas play. We decided to go back and really enjoy it.

Yesterday was a good day of talking and communicating about my life and life in general. I am still taking my meds and during my next Doctor's visit (March 2017), I will discuss with him whether any changes to my regimen is needed.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sunday February 19, 2017 - In Orlando

Saturday night I drove from Atlanta to Orlando. It is Spring Break from my grandkids. So I decided to take them to Orlando. I can work from anywhere but my son-in-law and my daughter need to work this week.

I decided to visit my sister and babysit at the same time. I was so busy today that I forgot to write a post.

One of the main reasons I came orlando, was to tell my sister and brother-in-law that I was pausing my transition and that I am in a happy place.

My sister was relieved because she stated that she was upset that she was losing her brother. She had talked to my youngest daighter, who could not wait for me to transition.

But my sister was not happy, but was willing to give it a try. She stated that she cried many times over the past 2 years as she was mourning the possible loss of her older brother.

We talked for over 2 hours as I described the impact of HRT. It was a really good and honest talk. I told her that I understand her concerns.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Saturday February 18, 2017 - My favorite Bra store closed, Darn!

I love going to the American Thrift Store to buy my bras. Each bra was cleaned and individual hung up on their own hanger by size. So it was easy to find your size and get a good look at the styles.

Also, the price was right at $2.50 each, Maybe that is why they closed.

I do not know what happened, but I went by yesterday to find a few 36C bras and noticed the store was permanently closed. I am going back by there today to see if they moved.

Here are some of the nice bras I bought from there.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Thursday February 16, 2017 - Porno Hub Sexual Wellness Center....Respectful

Porno Hub is known for their....porno videos. Well, they have expanded into discussing sexuality through their web-based Sexual Wellness Center. I recently read their page on Transexuality and its not bad. I was surprised.

No X-rated talk or pictures.

If you have a minute, check it out.

Trans 101

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Wednesday February 15, 2017 - Valentine's day

I was at the store yesterday and the picture below is so true. LOL

I found this funny because I did that every year. However, this year, for the first time, I shopped earlier. My gifts and cards were mostly handmade. I could not get candy while flowers and balloons seem so ordinary.

I ended up making my own cards with little personal notes and a small gift that I either made or re-purposed another item.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Monday February 13, 2017 - Close Call

Have every seen one of those Final Destination movies? Well yesterday felt like I lived thru one.

I believe that you have cycles in life with ups and downs. These cycles are driven by Karma. So I always try to put out good Karma, by helping people.

These past few months have been really good. I am enjoying life and feeling really good. Last Thursday, I was driving and listening to one of my upbeat Youtube music playlists. I started having these negative thoughts about a down cycle that may cause my death. I changed my music and though that this great up cycle was going to be followed by a really bad downturn that could lead to my death. I even started crying.

Then I figured it was just the hormones. So I changed to music and soon I was back to my old self.

Yesterday, Karen and I went to church. I did not grow up going to church. My Grandparents were very active church members, but parents did not take us often. My wife and her family were active members. So while raising my children, I went to church consistently. I stopped, once they went off to college

During this past Christmas, I went to a musical event at this church and really liked it. So, yesterday was my second Sunday in a row, going to this church. Karen went with me.

After church, we ate and I dropped her off at a nail salon. I went to Walmart to check out protein drinks. While at Walmart, I lost my cell phone. I never LOST my phone before. I may have misplaced it but never lost it. I was talking on the phone and once I finished, I went to the restroom. After that, I could not find it. I had on a jacket and the phone should have been there.

Later, using Google map's timeline feature, I found my phone at an apartment complex. I have sent text messages to it, asking for its swift return, but I fear its gone.

I was very upset. So, while driving back to get Karen, I came to a busy intersection. as I was driving thru, I noticed to my left a large RAM truck coming out of nowhere and crossing my lane of traffic, I do not know how he missed me. I swerved toward him so that the back of my car would swing away from him and he swerved right to try and get around me.

There was a turn only lane on the opposite side of the street that was in my opposite direction. There was a car waiting for me to pass. For some reason this truck went around that car and turned left to cross in front of that waiting car and into my lane of traffic. The driver did this from the middle lane and at a high rate of speed. The driver must not have seen me coming.

It happened so quick. I stopped and I was really upset. Back in my pre-HRT days, I would have been so upset that I would have turned around and followed that truck.

Instead,  once I got thru the intersection, I pulled over to the side of the road,  and thanked all my ancestors for allowing me to stay on this timeline. A few secs would have meant a serious collision. I feel as though I just cashed in a some good karma chips. I wonder if those Thursday thoughts were a premonition.

It made my lost (stolen) phone seem less important.

Today, I am going to buy a new phone. I was planning on getting a new one anyway. I now wonder how did we ever live with a cell phone?  I am discounted from instant internet access. I hate a new phone because its going to take time for me to set it up. This is also why I do not buy expensive phones.

Yesterday was a strange day.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Sunday February 12, 2017 - Not like other boys.

This picture reminds me of my young days when I would dress around the house and hate myself for it. I remember those early purges. I lost some good stuff (smile).

If only I could go back and tell my younger self to own it. It's a gift and not a curse.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Saturday February 11, 2017 - 8 month physical measurements

Below are my current measurements and the change since last month. The picture is followed by an explanation and then a table showing the monthly changes since I began HR on June 10, 2016..

The above chart shows that last month only my breast line and above the breast line increased. My shoulders decreased while everything below my breast line did not change.

I am still not exercising as I continue to work on my blood sugar levels. My weight is stable due to the strict eating regimen.

The difference in size between my above breast area and breast line remained to 3.50 inches. The difference between the area under my breast line (bra band) and my breast line increased from 5.50" to 6.00". I am going to buy a couple of 36C bras as I am filling out the 36B bras.

My waist at my belly button did not change. At least I am staying down under 36". My goal is 34". I probably need exercise to reach that goal of 34 inches.

Overall I am happy with my results. I still need to figure out how to get back into the gym..

The only real change this month is my slight increase in breast volume.

AREA 0 Day 30 DAYS 60 DAYS 90 DAYS 120 DAYS 150 DAYS 180 DAYS 210 DAYS 240 DAYS
45.0 43.0 43.0 41.0 41.0 42.0 41.5
ABOVE BREAST 37.0 37.0 37.5 36.0 36.5 36.5 38.0 36.0 36.5
BUST LINE 38.0 39.0 39.5 38.50 39.75 39.00 40.0 39.5 40.0
BRA BAND 36.0 35.0 35.5 34.75 35.0 34.25 34.5 34.0 34.0
WAIST@BELLY BUTTON 38.0 36.0 37.0 36.5 37.0 36.5 35.5 35.0 35.0
HIPS 40.0 40.0 40.0 40.0 39.5 39.5 39.5 39.0 39.0
THIGHS 37.0 37.0 37.0 36.5 36.0 36.0 36.5 36.0 36.0
HIPS VS SHOULDERS -- 5.0 5.0 3.0 2.0 1.5 1.5 3.0 2.5
BUST LINE VS ABOVE BREAST 1.0 2.0 2.0 2.5 3.25 2.5 2.0 3.5 3.5
BUST LINE VS BRA BAND 2.0 4.0 4.0 3.25 4.75 4.75 5.5 5.5 6.0

My physical goals for Month 8 were:
  1. Keep losing weight (stable)
  2. Get my waist down to 34" (no luck this past month)

My physical goals for Month 9 are:

  1. Try to keep losing weight 
  2. Get my waist to 34"

Friday, February 10, 2017

Friday February 10, 2017 - 8 months HRT - Mental changes

I can not believe its been 8 months since my HRT journey started. I remember when it was 8 months pre-HRT and I could not wait.

Well, there have been many changes both physical and mental. Today, I am going to discuss mental changes and Saturday, the physical ones.

The mental changes are subtle and kind of sneak up on you. I can not tell you exactly what happened in which month, but as I compare today to 8 months ago, there are many changes.

What I Listen to:
I grew up listening to talk radio. My Dad had a local weekly talk show and I became interested in listens to politics instead of music. I was never big in music. I remember when my Dad took me to his favorite record store (what is that?) and he bought me a few 45's (?).

I developed a small record collection in high school and college but never a CD collection. I did have a cassette collection as I picked cassettes over 8-tracks. I did not have a favorite music station.

I always listened to talk radio in the morning for news, weather and traffic. Now I use Google. In the 1990's as talk radio tilted right with Rush growing during Clinton's term, I turned to sports radio.

I have not listened to my sports station since Nov/Dec 2016. This was during the time the Falcon's made their run to the Superbowl. I just found it boring. Instead, I have built a series of youtube music playlists. I now listen to them constantly. I find the music better reflects my mood and I like the messages in the songs.

My Emotions:
Yesterday, I had a bad reading with my Blood test and I became very gloom and doom. I started crying and I turned on my playlist of love songs. It took a while for me to recover. I called my friend Karen and we had dinner. We laughed, joked and I felt much better.

I have become more emotional. Usually its when I think about certain things, listen to certain songs or see something that brings back specific memories. I like this state of mind.

My Driving:
I use to be a very offensive driver and believed that driving was like war and you had to take the road. Now, I do not care and I take my time going where I need to go. I listen and sing to my music. If someone cuts me off, that is OK. It's no longer an act of war.

Being Female 24/7
I stated in this blog that in 2017, I would begin presenting female 24/7. Recently, I have written that I have paused and I do not know when or if I will. That is because my desire to dress is gone. I still wear female under garments and night clothes. But dresses and skirts with makeup, it is no longer a driving force like it had been for about 50 years.

I get more compliments from family, friends and even strangers about my youthful look and attitude. I really like where I am and I hope I stay here for the remaining 25+ years. In March, end of month 9, I will see my Doctor and discuss this with him in more detail. I expect to take hormones, the rest of my life, I just need to discuss the regimen.

In the meanwhile, maybe spring time will motivate me to put on a pretty dress and get out more.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Thursday February 9, 2017 - Rumors about a Religious Freedom executive order

There have been rumors that the Trump Administration is floating around a Religious Freedom executive order that would allow individuals and businesses to refuse service based on their religious beliefs. I do not think this will happen. At least I hope not.

Here is why.

Below are results from a 2016 American Values Atlas national poll that sorts people by religious groups. The first chart shows that almost 60% of  all Americans favor Same-Sex marriage.  Of the 16 religious groups, only 6  have a minority that favor same-sex marriage.

Yet, when asked whether they support small businesses denying service to the LGBT community based on personal religious value, 5 of those six groups are against that by over 50%. The last group still has a plurality against denying service based on personal religious values.

Five of the six religious groups that have  minority support for same-sex marriage have been on the negative side of service refusal in the past.

I think this administration has learned from the poorly developed immigration ban, that a religious belief ban against the LGBT community would be tough on them.

Tomorrow is the end of my 8 month on HRT. I will have my monthly measurement post. I wanted to go bra shopping, earlier this week, but I was too busy. I am going to try to do some bra shopping today or tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Wednesday February 8, 2017 - Gender Revolution

Below is a short video of Katie Couric discussing her upcoming documentary on gender identity on the Today Show. This will be a very interesting show. It seems that our community is continuing to quickly evolve.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Tuesday February 7, 2017 - Transitioning

I must say, I felt for Atlanta Falcon fans today. I have been in Atlanta since 1974 and I have seen this story before. It is always been wait until next year.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about my transition. I have had some interesting comments about my January announcement that I am pausing my transition. I am still on HRT and will continue. My pause is the transition into presenting full time as a woman.

One reason, I am talking about this, is that I did not see this as a possible temporary or permanent outcome. I always thought that once on HRT, it was on to 24/7 living or ending HRT. A third possibility is presenting as a male but on HRT for maintenance at a healthy point in between.

I feel that I am in a good place mentally and physically. The HRT has removed that weight of dsyphoria that I have been carrying for over 50 years.

My friend, Karen and I still go to the movies and we talk about this constantly. I like the emotional feeling I get from movies like Fences and La La Land. In both movies, I now understand  it and cried during the end of La La Land and during Denzel's character discussing with his wife why he cheated.

Karen, also noticed a change as more woman were trying to "hit on me". I told her, I did not notice it, but she pointed out two cases this past Saturday while we were shopping.

One was at Golden Coral, when a waitress who was not waiting on our table came up to me and started talking about the weather, the Superbowl and a birthday party in the next room, I was being polite by keeping the conversation going.  Once she left, Karen told that the waitress had been watching me. So, Ok maybe, I just thought the waitress was being nice. If she was being "forward" then I thought that was rude given I was with a lady (Karen).

Later that day, at the beauty store, this lady passed close to me and stated the rows were very narrow. I was talking to Karen about oils to use that will soften hair. This lady keeps entering our conversation and making suggestions. Again it was kind of forward, but maybe the lady was really trying to help.  But again Karen stated that her physical closeness to me and getting in our conversation meant that she was "interested" in me.

I still do not know, but I do notice woman talking to me more with random conversations.

Karen says that over the past year we have know each other, she can see a change in confidence and appearance that woman seem to like.

Go figure!

Right now, I am going to keep enjoying life and this new reality that I am enjoying.

I have decided to wait until my March appointment to talk with my Doctor. Its only about 1 month away.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Monday February 6, 2017 - Cloudy in Atlanta

What can  I say.

I am not a Falcon fan, But I feel bad for my buddies. I will going to lecture about life lessons today, to help some of my student get through this.

I will have another post later today.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Sunday February 5, 2017 - Was Bugs Bunny a crossdresser?

Watching cartoons on Saturday in the 1960's was a right of passage. One of my favorites was Bugs Bunny. I was watching some  old Bugs Bunny on youtube and saw a few cartoons, in which he was dressed as a woman.

Of couse you had the old sterotypes of him tricking men into thinking he was a woman and they would express a sexual desire for him.

But it was fun to watch those old cartoons and see how society was.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Saturday February 4, 2017 - Breast Timeline

A few posts ago, I stated that I was pausing my transition. I am still taking my HRT meds as given by my Doctor. But I am not planning on presenting full-time, as Susan, anytime soon. I had plan on presenting full-time in 2017.  In March I go back to my Doctor for a 90-day check up. At that point, I will discuss this pause issue with him. One reason I chose him is because he has a large transgender clientele and I am sure he has deal with this issue before.

I am very happy where I am. I love how my body and face are slowly changing.

Friday, I noticed that my 36B bra was not fitting the same, I think I have had a recent spurt. This Monday, I am going to go bra shopping for a 36C, so I can see how it fits. I bought my first 36B while still in a 36A. Once the 36A became too small, I easily was able to move up.

Below is one of my favorite 36B bras, with the front lace.

These pictures were taking in early October 2015 which 4 months on HRT. I did not fill the whole cup, I liked the color and lace and figured that I would eventually need it.

This next set of pictures is from February 2017. Its now over 7 months on HRT. I am now filling the 36B. One of my favorite 36B bras seems to be getting small.

Next Saturday will be my monthly measurement post. I wonder how it will turn out.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Thursday February 2, 2017 - Mayor comes out. In Texas of all places.

Jess Herbst, the Mayor of New Hope Texas has come out as a Transwoman while in office.

 I am so proud of her.

It takes strong determination to transition and to do that in a small Texas town as Mayor is amazing. Below is a link to her short letter to the community.


Where is New Hope Texas?

Below is a comment abut this story that includes additional elected officials who have "come-out".

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Wednesday February 1, 2017 - Another beautiful day!

Today is going be a another beautiful day in Atlanta. January 2017 must have been the warmest month on record. Today is going to be sunny and in the 70's.

I feel like presenting as Susan today. Its the first time in weeks. However, I was asked to teach a College course, this semester on Monday and Wednesday, so I have to be in boy mode today. That's bummer.

However, I am enjoying being back in the classroom and the Dean told me that the students like the class. It's a Business Policy class for graduating seniors.

I am at a very joyous place. I do not feel pressure to dress. As a matter of  fact, I have been buying more male clothes than woman clothes. Mostly because of my teaching job.

But I am hoping that the nice weather will make me feel like presenting more female. Either look works for me as it will depend on how I feel in the morning.

I have been so busy getting ready for this course that I have not been able to write many personal posts. I have a few and hope to get them out later this week.

One post, is about a talk I had with a your transgender student on campus Monday. I sat at her table and gave her some "motherly" advise from a 60 year old transwoman to a 19 year old transwoman. That was really neat. I wish I had that chance at 19.