Monday October 30, 2017 - I am changing

It's HRT month 17, and I am changing. I seem to be settling in and its getting hard for me find things to write about. I no longer have that internal drive to dress.

HRT affects everyone differently. For me, it has stopped my dysphoria. My body has adjusted to the meds and the results are very good. Mentally, I like where I am and how I feel.

But it makes it difficult for me to find subject' matter to post because it's not something I think about that much anymore.

I have not purchased any new (or used) woman clothes or shoes in months. I tried to get out and shop for my female wardrobe, but I do not really care.

I just might wear something cute, from my closet because I feel like it. But it's not a driving force.

I can now concentrate more on business and social activities without feeling stressed, upset or envious.

I have learned to not fail too much when presenting as a man. But I really do not care. I feel great and I know I look great. That is what matters.

October 26, 2017 - Finding that right Perfume

I need to update my perfume. I have worn Elizabeth Taylor's Passion for ever. Probably at least 2 decades. Its time for me to find that "perfect" perfume for Susan at 60+ with an "estrogen body".

Below is a short video on how to find that perfume. I personally like water. I want to retire around water and my vacations include water (beach, pool or lake). So I am going to shop for a new perfume this month.

Tuesday October 24, 2017 - Busy weekend

I did not post this past Saturday or Sunday. I was so busy working. But I did had some fun.

I went to my first haunted house. It was not a "house" but an old warehouse turned into a "prison"  which was taken over my evil spirits and crazy people. 

They did a good job with the special effects. Especially the guy running around with the chainsaw.

One of the patients tied to the wall in the hospital wing.

 He was walking around looking for the entrance into the prison and escorted you in.













Sometime, you just need a break and have some fun.

Tuesday October 10, 2017 - What a weekend.

I have been away a few day and I miss posting. It's been over a decade since I worked  that hard. I had a client that needed help. So, between Thursday and Monday, I worked thru the night twice and slept maybe 5 hours each of the other nights.

When I was in my 30's and 40's, I use to work 2 or 3 days straight without sleep. But in my 60's, it was rough.

Anyway its over, I finished Monday and emailed the report. I slept hard last night, about 9 hours.

Today, I am going to pamper myself and present female. I need to clean up around the house and wash clothes. After all that pressure, I feel comfortable and relaxed.

My Dr. had to reschedule my quarterly appointment until this past Friday. I had to reschedule again for this Friday.I can not wait to talk to him about some issues I am thinking about. The main issue is, ..... what is my ultimate goal under HRT? I want to discuss options.

Today is the start of  Month 17 on HRT.  Wow.

Monday October 2, 2017 - Feeling Strange Today

I woke up this morning and my body feels "off". I do not feel my breasts aching or moving  this morning. I did not have that weighty feeling from them, that has me running to my bra draw.

I just started (last Wednesday) a new bottle of the same prescription. I do not know if this is a normal cycle I am going thru or if the batch of meds are not good.

I is bothering me today, so I am going to bring this up with my Doctor on Thursday. But before Thursday, I am going to call the office nurse.

Sunday October 1, 2017 - Tough night sleeping

Friday night I had a rough night trying to sleep. I now get these restless nights where my body does not calm down enough for me to go to sleep. I am up and might nap a little, then I am back up.

Usually, this includes my beasts becoming very sensitive. Friday night was no different. They were so sensitive last night, it was tough for me to even sleep on my side. I slept on my stomach with a pillow on my breasts or I was on my back.


I have a doctor's appointment Thursday and I am going ask him about this.

Saturday September 9, 2017 - Laverne Cox the face for Beyonce's New Ivy Park.

Laverne Cox Is the Face of Beyoncé's New Ivy Park Campaign

Cox: "It feels like some weird fantasy that I've had since Destiny's Child"

Friday September 8, 2017 - People headed to Atlanta to escape Irma. Irma expected to follow.

People are pouring into Atlanta from Florida. I talked to a Mattress store manager yesterday and they are selling mattresses to people who will be housing guests this weekend.

Look at the current (Friday 10:30 am) Highway traffic from Google maps.

Current traffic is from Orlando north past Valdosta. Then from north of Macon, thru Atlanta and into north Cobb County. There are no hotel rooms left in Atlanta. So I bet people are headed north to find hotels.

Also on the coast, people are headed up the coast and northwest to Columbia, SC.

Below is the typical Friday traffic at 10:30 am.

Sunday September 3, 2017 - Feeling happy at 61

I am in a reflective mood, this morning. I am in a happy mood as I like my mental and physical self. The HRT is working well for me.

Life is not perfect and I have some major issues to resolve. But overall, I really like where I am.

Some days I get up and my breasts feel so heavy and they hurt. Other days, like today, I just feel them and they are now "in the way" as I type. I love how I look I either in boy or girl mode. I feel whole and comfortable.

I only shave, about once a week, both my head and face, to get ride of a few stray hairs.I have not shaved my body in months. I use to shave my body once a week.

Mentally, I have no more gender dysphoria. So I spend more time dealing with family and friend about my look. People who have not seen me in a long time, notice a difference, but do not know why. Most tell me I just look younger and "keep doing what I am doing", because its working.

I think about 50 years ago, in 1967, when as a 11 year boy, I was sneaking into my mother's closet and wearing her shoes and putting on a bra, griddle and stockings. Wow, I would love to tell him that 50 years later, it would be OK.

Tuesday August 22, 2017 - Sexuality and HRT

One of the biggest changes under HRT is how my body has changed when dealing with intimacy.

The 40+ years of puberty until June 10, 2016, I learned and expected my body and mind to react in a certain way. Males who read this post understand what that is. Sometimes, just thinking about it get you ready. You are on a hair trigger and it does not take much.

However, under HRT, so much has changed.

Mentally, I do not think about it often. I am still attracted to woman but I do not get stirred up when I see a pretty woman. There is a calmness that is always there.

I no longer get an erection from just thinking about sex or intimacy. Usually it takes watching porn.

But also looking at myself nude. I never use to really look at myself as being sexually attractive. Now I do. Sometimes when passing a mirror to get in the shower, I get that feeling. I find my new body incredibly sexy.

Before my Doctor added generic Viagra, I could get an erection but I would not last. Now it does. But its how I get an erection that has changed.

I suspect that HRT's effect is different for everyone.

For me, I am still learning ow my new body works.  I can still function as a man, when the time comes. In the past my body would get ready quickly. Now, I need a some buildup time of kissing and intimacy to get in the mode.

As my life adjusts to HRT becoming an everyday normal part of my life, learning about my new body, both mentally and physically, is my main priority.

Monday August 21, 2017 - Solar Eclipse

I was in the Ga mountains on Saturday. I took my Grandkids on an annual day trip to swim in a mountain river. It was crowded because people from around the southeast have descended into the area, so they can watch the Solar Eclipse today.

I remember the last one in 1977, that I watched in NJ. I can not believe its been 40 years.

Saturdkay August 19, 2017 - I am back

I am back. This week, I had a combination of writers block, a lot of work to get out and being tired.

Thank you for the emails of concern.

This brings up my new theory about life and existence.

We all have friends or know people only thru this virtual world. We access this world thru our machines (PC, mobile phone, tablet). If our device breaks, we can not longer communicate with our virtual community. We become "dead" to our community. However, it is assumed that we can fix or replace our technology and get back. Or in my case, I took sometime in the physical world to get some work completed and to relax. Now I am back.

What if our body is our "technology" to communicate in this physical world (reality)? The problem is that once this body breaks, we can no longer communicate with others in this reality. We can not buy another body and continue.

It's assumed, we are "dead". Once or body breaks, maybe we just move on with our other existence. Just like I did this past week.

Until we can upload ourselves into a cloud harddrive (Ray Kurzweld), which will allow us to have a new body "technology" build, death in this physical is final.

Who know? But I think we are about to find out in the next twenty years.

Meanwhile, I have alot to talk about with my virtual community

Wednesday August 9, 2017 - Going back two years

Tomorrow in the end of my 14th month on HRT. I was deciding what to post today, so I decided to go back to my August 2015 posts, to see what I was writing about.

I was amazed at the subject matter and how much I have changed in those 2 years. I had known, in August 2015 that HRT was coming in about 10 months.

Approximately 90%-95% of the posts were about my personal female issues, I was discussing clothes, going out as a femboy and learning how to interact with the world as a female.

I could tell, my transition was a driving force in my life.

Now after 14 months of HRT, my public transition is not that important. I really love where I am mentally and physically. You might say I am in between because I can present at either a male or female.

I mostly dress in public as a male and enjoy buying male clothes. I still buy female clothes, but it's not a driving force. I look for female items that create a new wardrobe or enhance a current one.

But I do not make special time to just look for female clothes. Except for bras.

I have made peace with my public appearance.

Its now the social area that I am working on. Telling friends and finding new ones.

Sunday August 6, 2017 - Day to Day medication

Taking my meds twice a day, is now part of my normal ritual. Like taking a shower, brushing my teeth and eating.

As I each the end of Month 14, I realize that this is my routine for the rest of my life. 

I feel great both mentally and physically. 

I find it interesting that some mornings I wake up with sore breasts that need immediate support and other days, I feel nothing when I wake up.

I am getting tired of my strict eating habits to control my blood sugar and really miss certain foods. I am going to start going back to the gym to see if I can keep my blood sugar levels low, while expanding my food options.

This is just one of those days in which I am happy and frustrated at the same time.

Wednesday August 2, 2017 - Transwoman murdered 6 miles from my house.

I have been a little nervous these past few days.

The 17th Tanswoman reported murdered by HRC, Tee Tee Dangerfield, occurred just 6 miles from my house. This murder occurred after a recent news update reported that the murder of my friend (2 miles from Dangerfield's murder) in November 2013.

Below is a recent news story about my friend's unsolved murder.



It worries me that 2 days after this TV story, another murder occurred.

Wednesday July 5, 2017 - Growing pains

I got back from Orlando last night and went out to see some fireworks. I was sitting with my granddaughter as she marveled at the show. It made me think of all past decades of fireworks, I have seen and where I saw them. From a young child to a teenager. From a young adult to an empty nester. Life is interesting with its ups and down. Overall, I have enjoyed the ride and look forward to future travels.

When I got home and went to bed. Once in the bed, I noticed that my breasts were sore. I could not find a comfortable position, except on my back. My breasts were sore to the touch all over. Normally, they may be sore, if I lay on my stomach. But this time, even on my side they hurt. I had to place a pillow or my hand under them to give me support, if I were on my side.

Also, my nipples were very sensitive. When I was trying to find a good sleeping position, every time I rubbed my nipples up against something I felt electricity run thru me.

I ended up having to sleep on my back.

I think I am going thru another growth spurt. My breasts are getting in the way again. I feel them against my arms and my nightgown felt tight across my chest. I have had this gown for years and always felt comfortable. Its still comfortable, but now its stretching across my chest.

This morning I definitely put on a bra for support. I can tell that the 36D is going to be needed soon. The 36C, I am wearing, is full. It will not take much more before I am "spilling out" of that 36C.

My sports bra, that I wear while in boy mode, no longer hide me. It's the larger shirts with double chest pockets that work. I will need to get some more of these shirts. Also, I need some tight T-shirts to wear under these shirts and over the sports bra.

One recommendation, I will make to anyone considering HRT, remember that there will be changes for years, not months.

Get ready.

Monday July 3, 2017 In Orlando for the 4th

Drove to Orlando yesterday. It is hot down here. I am going to see the Disney fireworks.

I would like to get out today and do some shopping. But I am not sure that is going to happen. We are driving back on Tuesday.

The main reason I came was to help my oldest daughter drive down so that my granddaughter could get her tooth fixed.

So, I am going to work remotely today and maybe find some bras and the local Goodwill.

Sunday June 18, 2017 - Happy Father's day

Saturday June 10, 2016 - One Year Anniversay

Wow, I can not believe it was 365 days ago, I went to my Doctor and signed the papers, given a HRT script and started this journey. What a ride!

I am going to enjoy today and discuss this past year and look into the future in tomorrow's post.

Sunday June 4, 2017 - Yesterday was very emotional day

Yesterday a very good friend of mine cut all communications with me. It was a tough but agreed upon arrangement because of my HRT and moving forward. We could not agree on how our friendship would move forward given my changes.

This is the toughest situation of my life. This is the first person in which my changes have adversely impacted my social life.

Given my emotional state, I cried about it last night. I must be strong and move forward, but this is tough.

I have so much work to do today that I do not have time to grieve.

Wow this hurts.