Thursday, June 30, 2016

Thursday June 30, 2016 - Each step forward is a positive gain

Two transwoman won their primaries and will be running in the November general election for Congress. This is a first and shows that we as a country are moving (slowly) in the right direction.

Two transgender candidates named 'Misty' win primaries

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Wednesday June 29, 2016 - Bra Styles

I am looking to expand my bra wardrobe. I have only sports bras, two old push up bras and one regular bra with padding.

I have become aware of my breasts as they have come alive and seem to be growing. The sports bra is no longer adequate. I still wear them to the gym. But I like wearing my one regular bra and feel more comfortable wearing it.

Below is an infographic about bra styles.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Tuesday June 28, 2016 - My body is changing

My body is changing, ever so slightly, but I can tell. Since 2010, when I decided to lose weight by eating healthier and working out, I can tell when my body changes.

I had not been in the gym for two weeks. I forced myself to go last night and my workout was different. I was weaker both physically and having the mental motivation. I completed 20 minutes on the stairmaster while previously I was doing at least 30 minutes. But I was sweating heavily, which is good, but I was exhausted.  Next I moved to the elliptical machine. I use to do at least 1 hour and up to 3 hours. Last night I could not push myself past 30 minutes.

On the one hand, the two weeks off hurt but I should have been able to meet my minimum of 30 minutes on the stairmaster and 1 hour on the elliptical machine. I am going to try and go back tonight and see if I can build back up to my minimum times.

Also my feminine workout clothes fit slightly different on me. Its hard to explain but my upper body seems slightly small and my stomach sits out like a little ball. I have not gained any thickness around my stomach but the relationship between my stomach and the rest of my upper body is different. Usually my stomach is the last to shrink when I am losing weight. So I would expect my stomach to shrink some. But I think its upper body muscle that I am losing. I discussed in a previous blog post who I felt weaker and smaller. Now I am seeing it physically.

Finally, while working out, I was wearing my sports bra and two T-Shirts. Yet my breast outline not only showed, but I felt them slightly move while I was on the elliptical. This supports my theory that they are filling out.

Yesterday, I found an old 36A bra. I wore it instead of a sports bra. I definitely filled it and I felt more secure in it.

I have been on HRT less than 3 weeks, yet slight changes are occurring more rapidly than I expected. I thought I had 60-90 days before I would notice changes.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Monday June 27, 2016 - Rest of Friday with Karen

After I left John at about 2 pm , I had time until my 5:15 movie meeting with Karen. So the first thing I did was go to the theater a get the two tickets. We were planning to see the new Independence Day and I was worried it might sell out. So getting the tickets early assured us of some good seats.

I parked and walking into the theater. It was very hot (about 95 degrees), so I had my hair up and off my neck and soulders. I decided I am going to buy some summer wigs with shorter hair, so I can handle this heat better.

Below are some short hairstyles I like:

Once inside, I went to customer service and picked up my tickets. I did not have to show my ID, as the employee was very courteous and used female pronouns.

I left the theater and drove over to MaDonalds because I had some computer work to complete before the movie. I brought in my computer bag and found a table near the TV on the wall which had an extra electrical plug. Eventhough I do not like to eat at McDonalds, I know they have free WIFI. Since I do not like to use their WIFI without buying something, I bought a hamburger meal and setup my PC.

I stayed about 2 hours and I seemed to blend in. No one gave me second look as I worked and nibbled on my food. I try and remember to eat slower and take smaller bites. But it's hard to do when I am either hungry or busy working. I also tried to sit up straight and not slouch (sound like my Mom) and bring the food up to my mouth. All types of people walked in and out and some stayed and ate. Not one person gave me more than a second glance. The employees were nice. The person who took my order was nice but did glace over many times. But I had a sense that she may have be FTM. She was young but her clothes and overall appearance, gave me that feeling. When I left the store, she was sweeping the floor and I saw her stop and watch me. I walked toward her a smiled. She smiled back and continued sweeping.

I left McDonalds after finishing my report and headed to PNC bank. I need to transfer some money. Luckily there was a branch across street from the theater. While in the bank I was treated as a female, even though I had to use my male ID. The manager was really nice and complimented me on my dress.

Once I left the bank, I drove across the street to the theater and parked. I went into the lobby and waited for Karen. She showed and we hugged. She told me I looked very nice today and wanted to hear about my lunch with my cousin.

The movie was good and I except to see a third installment.

I noticed that due to the heat, my deodorant had left me. I could smell myself. I do not know if anyone else could, but it was bothering me. So after the movie, I told Karen I wanted to go to CVS and look for deodorant towelettes. While in CVS, and man walked by us and hello and "you ladies" look nice. I smiled at Karen and she whispered, "See you look great". We are just two women shopping.

I could not find any towelettes. But before I left, I needed to use the bathroom. Remember, I have to drink alot of water and the meds (Spiro) makes me have to go to the bathroom more often. Last time I was at a CVS, they had a family bathroom. This store did not, so I went into the woman's bathroom. Karen waited outside as I used the bathroom, washed my hand and left. I was the only person in the two stall bathroom. If I have to use the bathroom, I like using CVS because the bathrooms are in the rear of the store and appear to be rarely used.

We were not hungry and could not figure out what we wanted to do, so I just drove around while we talked about my lunch with John. I showed her this $8 million dollar mansion I had to appraise this spring. Once we finished, it was about 9:30 pm and we had both had a long day. So I drove her back to her car and then headed home.

On my way home, I decided to stop at Sprout which is a health food store similar to Whole Foods. I was looking for some protein powder for my daily smoothies. While there, I found those deodorant towelettes. So I bought a box. I added some cinnamon roasted pecans, to snack on and some blueberries that were on sale. The male cashier asked it I found everything I needed and I said yes except for the protein powder. I am looking for a specific type and its hard to find. He used female pronouns and I smiled and thanked him as I paid.

I got home by 10pm and I was exhausted. I showered and removed my makeup and then went to bed.

It was busy day. Its days like this, that I know I am mentally ready to transition. Every where I went, I felt comfortable. I just have to continue the tap into my inner femininity and not slip back into my male mannerisms when I get comfortable.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Sunday June 26, 2016 - My cousin John, Part 2

My Saturday post was about my lunch with my cousin John.  I need to add a few things today.

Before I setup my meeting with John, I called his mother. John had mentioned to my daughter that he had told his Mom. So I thought I should mention to her what I wanted to do.  I had not come out to this distant part of my family, but I knew in order to help I needed to. I needed to at least let her to  know that a positive outcome is possible. So when I told her last Monday, she pleaded with me to help. I told her I would try and keep her in the loop.

So after my lunch with John I called her  Saturday morning. I did not tell her what John and I talked about because that was very private. But I told her I might be able to help but I need her to be my eyes and ears at the house. I wanted to create a "back channel" so I can see if John is actually trying to do what he tells me. Sort of like a spy. I hate to do that, but as a drug addict, he could be using me to further is habit or seek sympathy, I just do not trust his short term motivates until after he is clean and working. Plus I am not use to working with drug addicts, so her information would he very helpful.

While talking with John' s mother, I decided to text a picture of me on Friday. I sent the picture from Saturday's post. Left is a screen shot of her response.

It was the first time she saw Susan and her response made my day.

I think I am slowly but surely coming along. This is one of those nice events that occur during my journey.

BTW, the Friday meeting was very fortuitous because the family is going to attempt an intervention on Tuesday. Hopefully our lunch will help him decided to take the opportunity to get well and for him to know his Aunt Susan will be there to help.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Saturday June 25, 2016 - My lunch with my young trans cousin

Yesterday I had lunch will my cousin and it went very well. I spent the day as Susan, which included meeting with my cousin. I will call him John.

I got dressed around 11 am. I decided to wear my brown dress and low wedge open toe heel. I really need to find a better set of brown heels. My selection of brown flats is good but my two brown heels are both open toe wedges. The one with the higher heel, hurt my feet when I was in Orlando and the lower heel, that I wore today is OK but casual. I need at least a higher heel that is more formal or for a professional look.

I had to go to the bank first and cash a check. The cashier used female pronouns even after looking at my male ID. That was nice. Normally, I get no pronouns after they look at my ID.

I drove over to John's house. There were about five cars in the driveway, so I called him to come out as I was going to take in to lunch. He had no idea I was dressed. When he got in the car, he just looked at me. I decided to just come out with it. I told him I was transgendered and I am here to help. I felt a rush of emotion but just caught the tears.

He said wow, I never knew. For the next 90 minutes, we just drove around and talked. I started by discussing my history which started at 8 years old.

Then I listened to him. His main issue, is that his mother and father are police officers and anti-lgbt. He said his Dad and his friends talk bad and laugh about the lgbt community all the time. He is 23 years old, not working, living at home, chain smokes cigarettes, and take drugs. I told him a lot of transpeople try to commit suicide and I think he is trying to do it slowly.

He admitted he is depressed and can only dress when no one is in the house. He is afraid to go out because of what people might think. I told him that I had the same issue. Our biggest problem is in our head. One of the first things is to realize that today most people do not care and have their own issues. Also with the internet and TV/movies, every has been exposed to us and its no big deal anymore. But breaking our own mental chains, is a major hurtle.

At this point he wants to be able to dress as a women or a man, when ever he wants. He wants to find a woman who would accept that. I told him, there are many woman out there who would.

He mentioned that when he shops for women clothes, he is surprised how many clerks tell him that there are many guys who shop for women clothes for themselves. He also talked with some who had boyfriends who dressed.

We went to Subway to eat and the lady behind the counter used female pronouns. Later, John told me that he felt much better after seeing me interact with people and how the interacted with me. I told him that if you act like a lady, you will be treated like one.

I then gave him examples of people who look at me. I told him, as a women, women look at you to check out your outfit and men look at you because its in their nature. Those looks could be one of admiration not disgust. How do you know? Well why care because you do not know what is in their mind. Do not let one person out of a thousand mess up your day.

We talked about a plan.

  1. Limit alcohol, reduce smoking a quit drugs - I will help by being someone you can call, text or visit anytime. We can go shopping, have a makeup day or get together anytime he wants. If he needs help getting off this stuff, I will work with him and his parents to find a place.
  2. Get a job, even part time to earn enough money to get out of the house. Even if its just a room in a boarding house. He lives in a toxic environment that is causes this suicidal behavior.
  3. Consider me your Aunt Susan.
  4. Go back to school and get a marketable skill.This will allow you to increase your income and standard of living.
Those steps are not easy but I told him that he should use his motivation to express is femininity as a motivation to follow these steps.

He has told a few of his friends and most have been accepting. A few were not and they are no longer friends. I told him that will happen and that I am afraid of the same thing. But true friends will stick by you.

Overall, it was a great meeting and I hope I can help him. But he has to want to help himself.

Friday, June 24, 2016

Friday June 24, 2016 - I have a young relative who might be Trans

I was waiting until today to discuss the possibility that a young 24-year old cousin maybe trans. And if so, it explains a lot.

After coming home Sunday from NJ, I was told by my daughter that a cousin confided in her that he maybe trans. I immediately though that this makes sense. This young guy (I will use male pronouns until I talk with him today) was very outgoing when he was young. He wanted to be a Pastor like him paternal Grandfather. At 8, he use to practice giving a sermon and he was pretty good.

But once he hit puberty, as with most people, he changed. But he changed in a bad way. He struggled to finish high school as he fantasized about being a kicker in the NFL. But would not go out for his high school football team. While in High School he had a small number of friends. After high school, he decided not to continue is education.

So he lives a home with his parents and has few friends and rarely works. What he does do is drink, smoke and take drugs. I have never known him to have a girlfriend. Therefor, I felt he was part of the LGBTQ community and that his self destruction was due to him being gay. Coming from a religious background and his early hope of being a pastor, I felt he had alot of internal conflict.

Once I learned he might be Trans, I quickly told his mother that I wanted to talk to him. She said yes as she is at her wits end and just wants help.I told her I was trans.

So I called him Monday and told him I might have an opportunity for him and that I wanted to meet him Friday. I am going to meet him at 12:30 pm today, at his house as Susan. I am going to wear the dress, pictured on the left.

I want to talk to him openly about being trans and determine if he maybe trans based on his history and current feelings

I am excited because if he is trans, I can definitely help him find his level and at the same time use his gender dysphoria  to motivate him  stop smoking, drinking and doing drugs. If he decides to clean up his act, find a job and think about school, Aunt Susan to get his/her life together.

It may sound like alot of ifs, but I am going to explain to him that to be the woman he wants to be,smoking, over drinking and drugs will work not make you pretty. Getting a job is important, so he can have an income that will help support his transition which will include getting his own place. Finally, getting a degree or being certified, will increase his potential income, which will support a better lifestyle.

After this meeting, I am planning on going to the movies with Karen to see Independence Day. We are going to talk about my meeting and if I have a possible young mentee. I am kind of excited about the opportunity to help.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Thursday June 23, 2016 - Yesterday's electrology session

This was my first session in 30 days. It took about 75 minutes to clear my face. My tech and I agreed that 30 days will be the new time between sessions.

I had hoped to be finished when I stated HRT. I could probably live with this much facial hair because it takes about four days before any regrowth. However, I will keep the monthly sessions for now. The reason is my HRT meds are not that expense ($50 per month) which less than an hourly session. So its within my budget to continue.

This session seemed to hurt more than the others. Its my first post-HRT session. I could slightly feel the needle going in my hair follicle and the pain was a little more intense. If my sensitivity continues to increase, I may stop due to the increased pain.

I do not think I can eliminate 100% of my facial hair. However, if I can get my monthly sessions down to under 45 minutes, that should complete my sessions. I started with my local tech in December 2014 and it took an hour every week. After 6 months, it was 1 hour every two weeks. Now a year later its 1 hour every 1 month.

Once its less than 1 hour every month, I can make an appointment if I notice too may hairs growing back. As I will need to probably shave once a week, just to keep those few hairs down. But I  lost my beard shadow a little over a year ago.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Wednesday June 22, 2016 - What woman want - Google Searches

Below are two interesting tables based on recent Google searches.

Wednesday June 22, 2016 - I feel different

Its hard to explain but I feel smaller, vulnerable and less safe.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been an outgoing adventurous male. As a pre-teen, I use to go bike riding looking for adventure. I would ride around and try and get lost, so I could find my way back.

I have always been an aggressive driver. Growing up in NJ, my friends and I use to take spots on the road. We would rarely yield. In Atlanta, I thought most driver were weak because many of them were nice and  easy to take advantage of.

As a young adult, I would go out and felt I did not need to explain where I was going. I would only tell people I thought should know (Girlfriend/Wife) but most people did not need to know.

In public I was not afraid of any place or anyone. I figured I could talk may way out of any situation or escape. Part of my lack of fear was my positive and strong projection. If I do not project fear or weakness, then I am less likely to be attacked. Plus I am from NJ, so I have that attitude.

When out as a femboy or Susan, I had to try and work on keeping that strong male projection inside.

Now over the past couple of days, that has changed.

I feel physically smaller. My clothes say I am the same size but when I look in the mirror or I am out, I feel like I take up less space.When I sit, instead of spreading out, I want to pull myself inward and take up less space. I want to be less not more.

When out, I text people to let them know where I am. My daughter asked me why I am doing this and I told her I wanted someone to know where I was and what I was doing.

When out in public, I feel more vulnerable. So I automatically think of safety first, where I park, where I go and time of the day.

I find males scarier and more threatening. I was buying a hamburger at McDonald's yesterday and there were three large men with leather jackets and I hesitated when I saw them. I decided to go to the restroom while they ordered. Not that I was scared they would harm me, I just felt unsafe.

As a black male, when you are out and make eye contact with another black male, you slightly nod your head in acknowledgement of each others existence and connection. So when out as Susan, I had to conscientiously work on stopping that instinct to nod.

Over the last few days, I have naturally stopped making eye contact.

I believe these are early mental changes from the HRT. I never felt or acted this way before. These are the changes that over time make you naturally for female and easier to "pass".

I feel different.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Tuesday June 21, 2016 - Makeup has an expiration Date

Makeup can be expensive. Especially if you are a part-timer. This is why I buy drug store brands. At this point I do not wear makeup often and I am still experimenting with color and looks.

Below is an infographic concerning makeup and their expiration date.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Monday June 20, 2016 - Transmen and dressing issues

This blog is about Transwoman issues and my journey toward womanhood. It's rare that Transmen issues are discussed here. But I find that understanding their issues, gives me a fresh look at my issues.

HBO has anew documentary, that airs tonight (June 20, 2016) called Suited.. Its about Transmen and non-conforming people having suits made because they can not find suits in the store that fit them. I find this issue so interesting because on the one hand as a Transwomen, I can find female clothes due to the vast variety of female clothing options. However, when I was much larger, that variety and the number of options shrunk. But no matter the size, I could find a suit.

I grew up buying and wearing suits that I hated. I wanted to wear pretty dresses and envied by mother and sister when we went to formal events.  To wear dresses and look pretty but hating it and wanting to wear a suit seems foreign to me. But its really the same issue I have but in reverse. So I get it and its a fresh look at the same issue.

Below is a trailer about the show, followed by a nice article. Again, It  premiers tonight.

Meet the Designer Behind the Sharpest Trans Suits

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Saturday June 18, 2016 - HRT Timeline

Below is a table showing the effects of HRT over time. Of course if effects each of us differently.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Friday June 17, 2016 - In New Jersey and feeling melancholy.

I am in New Jersey to attend a funeral of my father's best friend who I grew up calling an Uncle. Two of my friends, we all grew up together, joined me on the drive up. We will attend the funeral Saturday morning and then drive back to Atlanta for Father's Day. Both my brother and sister are flying in tonight.

I had a hard time drinking enough water during the trip. I was able to stay on my med routine and enjoyed the ride up. I am thinking about coming out to my friends on the way back. I do not think there will be a negative reaction.

But I am not going to force it. I am going to tell them when the time is right. That right time will be when I spontaneously bring it up. I think there will come a time when it will feel right and I will just say it.

Meanwhile I am eating at a local diner that I grew up near. There is a McDonald's nexyt door and I remember when it opened in the early 1970's. My high school is about 1 mile east of here, on the same road. We use to skip morning classes to come to this diner to eat breakfast.

Now, 40+ years later, I am back becoming the woman I always knew I was. Luckily, the emotional changes, from my meds have not fully kicked it or I would be a crying mess. However, I feel the emotions as I type this and my eyes are misty. But the crying breakdowns I have read about, have not started.

The two generations that are now gone (Grandparents and Parents and their cohorts) are going to miss my transition. I wonder what they would have thought?

Instead of me going thru aversion therapy, it would have been nice to have been able to transition in middle school or high school. But that was unlikely in the early 1970's.

I lived here from about 5 years old until going to college in Atlanta at 18. This is where my "crossdressing" began and developed. Now I am finally addressing it in a much more enlightened era.

If I could just sit here and turn back time to this location in 1973 or 1974, to a day  I drove here for breakfast, I could tell my young self that its going to be ok. My life is pretty cool and Susan is headed out.

I could turn back time like Lucy did in the video below.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Thursday June 16, 2016 - Summer dresses

I love dresses. Below is my recent pinterest board on Summer 2016 Dresses. Click on "Summer 2016 Dress" under my name, to see the board.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Wednesday June 15, 2016 - Got emotional yesterday.

Yesterday, I was at the pharmacy and I saw an older lady with her young grandson walking past me. It made me think of the paternal grandmother.

I lived in the same town as my paternal grandparents. We called her Nana. She was from Texas and born in 1902. I remember her as a great cook from scratch and we use to have all of our holiday meals there.

When I saw the grandmother and her son, I got very emotional thinking about my grandmother. I did not cry but the emotions quickly bubbled up and my eyes teared up.

I grew up as a very emotional little boy. Up still 7th grade, I always would cry when I got upset.

The summer between 6th and 7th grade, I decided  to control my emotions and stop crying. I was becoming a man and men do not cry. Especially not in the 1960's.

But I miss those emotional connections and I am very happy that its coming back. I look forward to crying and getting my feeling out. Because I think its healthy. Keeping my feelings bottled up all these decades was not healthy.

Wednesday June 15, 2016 - Group RX - lower you prescription costs

 I found this web site that helps you lower your prescription costs. I am currently on four prescription medicines. Three for HRT and one for glaucoma. I currently do not have insurance, so I pay for my meds in cash. This free site has saved me money.

How it works:

  1. Sign up for a free account
  2. Add your medicines
  3. Site will find the low cost pharmacies in your area
  4. Site will print a coupon to take to the pharmacy

I followed the four steps above and took the Walmart coupon and Kroger coupon to the respective stores.

At Walmart, I have my HRT prescription. I took the printed coupon and discount card. At the drop off counter I asked if they accepted Good Rx. They said yes and added the information from the discount card into their system. My estradiol and finasteride were already low.

Before discount - $70.00
Estradiol - 60 ct - 2 mg tab = $9.00 
Finasteride - 30 ct - 5mg tab = $8.00
Spironolactone - 60 ct - 100mg - $53.00

After discount - $50.00 - 28.5% reduction
Estradoil - 60 ct - 2 mg tab = $9.00 
Finasteride - 30 ct - 5mg tab = $8.00
Spironolactone - 60 ct - 100mg - $33.00

I then went to Krogers. I have one medicine which lantoprost. It cost me $57.00. I showed them my card and coupon. They accepted both and my cost dropped to $19.00 or a 67% reduction.

Below is a link to more information about the site.

How does GoodRx make money?

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Tuesday June 14, 2016 - Gym

I am now more motivated than ever to get my body weight down. So I have started cutting back on junk food. With my daughter, 2 grandchildren and son-in-law moving this weekend, the junk food will leave too.

I am going to start working out more. I slacked off the last 2 months. So Monday, I started back in the gym. I completed 30 minutes on the stairmaster and 60 minutes on the elliptical.

Yesterday, I wore my pink outfit with a yellow/orange T-Shirt underneath. Is it me or does this picture show a larger chest. I was wearing my sports bra. I think its the lighting.

Its only been a few days and I have read that it takes about three months for the breasts to start growing. But my underlying base seems slightly bigger and my breasts a little rounder and fuller.

I had a good workout. One reason might be the water I am drinking during the day. I know I need to drink more water, but I could not bring myself to drink that much water.

Now I have a reason as the Spiro is a diuretic and my Doctor told me to drink more water. I have decided to take my 20 oz mason  jar and fill it seven times during the day.

My goal is to exercise five days a week. I am going to add the treadmill as a third option.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Monday June 13, 2016 - Hot Flashes

I started taking my pills on Saturday afternoon at 2:30 pm. I took 1 of each pill. Then at 1 am, Sunday morning, before I went to sleep, I took the other two pills.

Before sunrise, I estimate about 5 am, the heat woke me up. I could not believe how hot I was. I kicked off my covers and took off my night gown. I was very hot but not sweating. I turned on the ceiling fan because the breeze helped.

I do not know how long it lasted but I was having a hot flash, after only one day of hormone pills. Now I know what menopausal  woman go through. I was miserable, yet happy that I had joined the club.

Usually, hot flashes are due to a reduction in estrogen. I do not know why I had one because I just started and took an estrogen bill at about 1 am.

So I am going to call my Doctor and mention this to see if any changes need to be made.

I was glad it was at night and not during the day. If I get them during the day, while I am out or at the gym, its going to be a big problem.

Also, I want to make sure there is nothing wrong, either with my medicine or me.

I called Karen and she agreed that it was a hot flash and said, "Welcome to the club".

You may have noticed, I replaced the countdown clock (right column) with a twitter feed. I will use this feed to write daily information about my HRT. As big events occur, I will write a post. But for the day-to-day activity, my daily tweet will get the basic information out. You can follow me on twitter or just check back the new feed.

This blog will not be an HRT only blog. I will be getting back to other issues, probably tomorrow. The Twitter feed will keep you up to date everyday.

It was just this start of HRT consumed my life these last 4/5 days. It was such a life changing event.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Sunday June 12, 2016 - After my Doctor's appointment

I left the Doctor's office at 2:30 pm. I was on cloud nine while I figured out my next stop. Karen and I were going to the movies at 4:05 pm to see Warcraft. The theater was only about 15 minutes away. However it was Friday in Atlanta, so traffic will probably going to make it 30 minutes. I decided to go get the tickets now and wait for Karen.

True to form, the traffic slowed me down and I picked up the tickets around 3 pm. The lady at the counter used female pronouns and did not ask for my ID. I picked out the seats and placed the tickets in my purse.

I had about 1 hour before the movie started and I realized I had not eaten all day. I was so excited and trying to get ready since picking up the rental car at 7:30 am, I did not eat. While I was hungry and needed to eat, I decided to go to McDonalds.

I do not like McDonald's except for their french fries. I wanted something quick to take the edge off because I did not want to eat too much popcorn at the theater.

I drive to McDonald's, parked the car and went in. It was uneventful as I was treated like a lady and female pronouns were used.

I took it to go and drove back to the theater. It was hot outside, so I parked in the basement parking lot. I found a space up front and next to the basement entrance. I bought a two cheeseburger meal and ate it while listening to music.

At about 4:00 pm, I decided to go in and wait in the lobby. Karen was running late and arrived at 4:15 pm. There were no seats in the lobby so I walked around and looked at the coming soon posters. Then I decided to walk over to a clothing store attached to the theater. On the way I saw Karen drive up and park, So I went back into the theater.

We hugged and she said I looked great. So we went in and got a large popcorn to share. We walked in just in time as the movie was starting. It was a good action movie.

After the movie, it was still early, so we decided to go somewhere and talk plus have a drink. She suggested a nice hotel with a bar and sitting area. I drove over and parked. We walked into the hotel. I have to remember as two women, not to open the door. In some cases the door was opened for us.

We walked thru the lobby to the bar. I did notice the male host at the restaurant across the lobby looking at us. But we were talking about the movie. Once we sat down in the lounge, the waitdress came over and asked what "your ladies" wanted. I told her I was driving, so it was water for me. Karen ordered a beer.

We then spent to next 90+ minutes talking about my appointment today and how I felt. I love talking to Karen because it's two women talking and I can tell her exactly how I feel. She kept telling me how pretty I looked and that my legs were to die for. She expects that after some time on hormones, even though I "pass" now, I will be perceived 100% female, even when not trying. She said my skin and makeup looked so good.

We talked about my breasts and that she did not know I has so much.. I told her I wear a sports bra everyday to hide them but I wanted them out today as a sign of my acceptance of them.

We walked around the hotel for awhile because there was a southern video game expo. It was too late to get in but they had some old games in the hallway. I am not a video game player and these were the old machines like Pac Man.

As we walked, Karen whispered to me that this guy was following us. I asked her how she knew. She stated, as a woman, you must become aware of your surrounding and be more aware of safety. So she always uses her periphery vision to watch what is happening around her. I need to start doing that. I usually concentrate on walking, mannerisms and voice. These are more inward looking things. But I need to look outward.

As we moved down the escalator back to the lobby, the guy stayed up stairs and was looking at his phone when I turned around. Karen thought he was looking at me and my legs because of how he was positioning himself and looking in my direction and below the neck.

Next we decided to eat dinner. I choose a restaurant called Tin Drum. It's an Asian quick serve restaurant. Karen is a vegetarian  so ordering one of their bowls would give her some options.

After dinner and more talking about girl stuff and my transition, we decided it was getting late (10 pm) and we both needed to head home.

I got home by 11:15 pm and showered and then straight to bed.

What a great day.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Saturday June 11, 2016 - My meds

I bought my meds today. All three items totaled $70. That is the cost of one hour of electrology. So I can definitely afford this every month.

Estradoil - 60 ct - 2 mg tab = $9.00 - top left
Finasteride - 30 ct - 5mg tab = $8.00 - bottom
Spironolactone - 60 ct - 100mg - $53.00 - top right

Today June 11, 2016 at 2:30 pm after lunch, I took my first pills (one of each). I will take my second Estradoil and Spironolactone before bed.

I know this is not true but I can feel it coursing thru my veins. (LOL).

This is the first day of the rest of my life.

Here is my daily dose:
2 oval pills are Estradoil
2 large pills are Spironolactone
1 circle blue pill is Finasteride

Saturday June 11, 2016 - My Doctor's Appointment

I can not believe this day has come. I was so excited that of course my day did not go exactly as planned. But it was great and I got my scripts!!!!!

Well forget my plans from yesterday's post. For a life changing event that I have planned for years, somethings just go wrong.

I went to pick up a rental car for the day at about 7:00 am. I rent a lot of cars form the Dollar airport location, so everyone knows me. I was in boy mode because I could not sleep last night so I figured I would dress after I got the car.

About halfway home from the airport, I realized the care only had a 1/4 tank of gas. DARN!

My rental paperwork stated the car was full and would need to be returned full. So I drove back to the airport and waited to have the car filled with gas.

Now its 8:30 am and I needed to go to the bank and get my cash in the right account between banks. I am going to self pay for my appointment. I was told it would be $259 which included blood work. So I got to the bank at 9 am. I cashed a check and moved some cash around.

I got to the house at 9:30 am. and took a shower. Luckily, I shaved my head last night. I cancelled my Wednesday electrology appointment because I wanted to save my cash just in case. So I did shave my few facial whiskers. I was strange because I have not shaven in months. I think I have shaved twice in the past year.

I moisturized my face and body while I got my clothes out. I dressed and added my wig. I liked the look but the dress was kind of short.

I took off my wig and put on my face. Well nothing seemed to look right.My eyebrow pencils were either too light or too dark.I did not like the color of my eye shadow and my eyeliner did not look right. I tried three times to add false eyelashes but I could net get them to sit right. I realized I was being super critical. So I started over and did not add lashes.

By the time I finished my makeup and dressed, it was noon. So my pedicure was out. As a matter of fact, on my way to the Doctor's office which was normally a 30 minute trip, was estimated by google to be 60 minutes due to traffic. DARN!

So I headed out and turned off GPS and took my own detour. I made it on time, within 40 minutes. I am still better than GPS (LOL).

They treat me so well at this office. It reminds me of E3000 in Dallas, TX. When you go to a business that welcomes us, it is such a huge difference. They treated me like a lady and are so nice. Of course many if not most their clientele is LGBT and they have large Trans clientele, so the ID not matching and the use of both male and female names on the paperwork was not an issue.

I only waited about 10 mins before I was called in. The nurse took my weight. I wanted to weight under 165 but with my grands living with me, I was 179. Oh well, They move next weekend and I am going to get back on my calorie plan and down to under 165. But the hormones may change that. I really want a healthy weight with female curves. So we will see over the next two years, what happens.

The nurse asked a series of question about my sexuality and activity. She said it was for HIV screening. I was OK with it. She was surprised I was coming in to start HRT because she thought I was already on it.

After a few more test and questions, I was told to wait on the Doctor.

Soon he came in and we walked. He remember my last visit and we talked about different treatment options. I have been a subscriber to a yahoo HRT message group for over three years. So I knew a lot about HRT and the different options. I told the Doctor that I had research him years ago and I switched to him two years ago, so he would have some history on me. I was going to let him decide which treatment option was best for me based on his knowledge.

The nurse brought in an Informed Consent form. I signed it. Then the Doctor asked which pharmacy I wanted to use. I thought Walmart had the best prices and he agreed. So I choose the Walmart close to my house.

He gave me
Estradiol 2 mg pills - I asked about shots because it bypasses the liver. His issue is the cycling during the week because  you start with a lot and by the end of the week, its low. With pills, it passes thru the liver but its steady at 2 pills (4 mg) per day.
Spironolactone - This will push down my T-levels which will allow the estrogen to connect to my receptors without fighting testosterone.
Finasteride - This reduced DHT which is a by product of testosterone. Its the DHT that caused male pattern baldness and other male side affects. I have a history of prostate cancer (both grandfathers and father). So this also fights against prostate problems.

I did not need a blood test because I had one in August. He wants me to have one next month. Then two months later. After that, every 3 months. He wants to check my levels and see if any changes should be made to my regime.

I received many compliments from the staff and I felt so pretty and feminine. I scheduled my appointments and paid. A lady came in and stated she liked my jewelry. I said thank and walked out the door and into my new live. I am soooo happy.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Friday June 10, 2016 - HRT Day

Today is my appointment with my Doctor to start HRT. 50 years  late, but better late than never. I am so excited as I have a full day.

  1. Pedicure (10am - noon) 
  2. Lunch (noon- 12:45)
  3. Doctor's paperwork (12:45 pm - 1pm)
  4. Doctor's appointment (1pm - 2pm)
  5. Shopping (2pm - 4pm) - Fill script!
  6. Movie with Karen (4pm - 6:30pm)
  7. Dinner with Karen (6:30pm - 9:00pm)

Karen wanted to know what I was wearing, so I sent her the picture on the left. She said I looked great and will step up her game and match some of my color pallet. She stated that I can not out shine her! Lol!

Over the weekend, I will discuss my day and a new monthly post documenting my changes over the next 24 months.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Thursday June 9, 2016 - Transcendent Season 2

In the Spring of 2015, there were many new Trans-based TV shows and movies. This year, there are not as many new shows. But a few shows are entering their second season.

Tonight, Transcendent will premiere their second season.

Below is a trailer for Season 2. Also, here is a link to the full Season 1 episodes.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Wednesday June 8, 2016 - Hiding your belly with the right top

In March 2010, I started an 18 month exercise and "diet" program in which I lost about 50+ lbs, got healthier and I reduced my female dress size from 18 to 8/10. Over the years, I have kept most of that weight off.

But over the past year, my clothes are a little tighter as I have reduced my exercising routine and my eating is off. I have had my grandchildren living with me the past 17 months. So my belly is not as flat as I would like it.

Below is an inforgraphic showing how to hide a belly (or reduce it) using your female top.


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Tuesday June 7, 2016 - Trans Attraction

Here is an interview with Wayne Mahon wrote made a short video abut his life as a cis-man who is attracted to Transwoman.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Monday June 6, 2016 - Bully Project

This young Transgirl was the child who had the short video of her mother surprising her with her first prescription of female hormones. Her name is Corey Maison. Its been 8 months since she started HRT as a very young teen.

This new video is about her bulling and was done in the woman's bathroom in North Carolina.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Sunday June 5, 2016 - Excited

I am headed to the gym this morning. I need to burn off some stress. I did not exercise like I wanted to, these past few months. But I am going to try and workout everyday this week.

But in the meanwhile, I am so excited about starting HRT, its all I can think about.

So I am sorry if these next few posts seem like a broken record.

I now know what I am going to wear and I know my schedule for the day.

I am going to create a monthly post that will document my changes in a timeline format. This post will include measurements and a semi-nude side by side picture. I hope to create this post monthly for two years. It is an attempt to show the affects of HRT on an older transwoman.

My blog has changed in the past two years and I expect it to continue to evolve as I do. That is what this transition is all about.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Saturday June 4, 2016 - The best 5 outfits

Over the last five days, I tried on a different dress with different pairs of shoes. Today I am going to pick the best five dress and shoe combinations and them pick the outfit and shoe combination for next Friday.

This is the only combination with a brown dress, that I liked. I did not like Monday's dress because I do not have a bra for it (due to the criss-cross straps and open back). I can not comfortably wear one of my bras with this dress because the dress straps do not work well with my  bra straps.  I like this dress (from Tuesday) better than Monday's dress. I like how it hugs by body and the color pallet.

My options for brown shoes are limited.  These brown shoes are a low wedge with an open toe. I think the shoe is too casual.

The limited shoe selection and I problems with my bra cause me to drop this option.


I like this dress and shoe combination the best from Wednesday. This is a nice dress and I can wear my pushup bra without a problem. I love these shoes with that dress. I bought them separately, but they work together. I really like this dress. The  print and colors look good on me.

However with these shoe I like the look, but not for a Doctor's office. These shoes are just a little to dressy. I would pick this outfit for a party or other event. So this option is out.


I like this dress. Especially the print and its sleeveless. I am wearing my favorite open toe strap heels. I like these heels better than the black pair bought by my daughter. I think these are slightly shoes more casual than the other pair. This is one of the finalists.


I like this dress. I ended up picking two combinations, from Friday's dress. I love the color, neckline and sleeves. The princess cut across the bottom of my breast line creates a nice body shape. The only problem with this outfit are the shoes. They are a blue closed toe flat. I want to be a little sexier that these flats will allow. This dress creates a great veiw of my "little girls" and I love the look. I received a few comments about this dress and I agree that I need to go for it.

But not with this combination.


This is my second combination with this dress. However, I am wearing my open toe black heels with the flowers. I like this combination.

The final selection is between OUTFIT C and OUTFIT E. Both combinatiomns have the same shoe. So it comes down to the dress. I love them both. However, the pushup bra creates a look with Friday's dress, that can not be denied.

I am meeting with my Doctor to begin HRT, and I want to show off what I already have. I am going to be out all day with a pedicure in the morning and a movie and dinner in the afternoon with my friend Karen.

This combination reflects how I will feel all day.

So it will be OUTFIT E.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Friday June 3, 2016 - 5th and final Outfit

Each day this week (M-F), I will model one of my five dress outfits. I will wear one of these outfits on June 10, 2016, to  my Doctor's appointment.

This dress has a plunging neckline. I had to pin the dress to make sure it covers my pushup bra. I had amazing results. My chest looks good. I have gyncomastia and the bra along with this neckline makes my breast look fuller. I think this would be nice to wear for my appointment. During my last visit to Doctor asked if I had been on hormones before and I told him no, it all natural.

I was embarrassed by breasts when I was younger, even though I prayed for then every night growing up. Now they are a blessing.

I could not find my white shell that I was going to wear to cover my chest. Now, I do not think I need it. I want to show off my breasts.

This is a closeup of the dress. I like the print, color and style. Again, the hemline is a little short but I like it. I love the sleeves on this dress.

My first picture is with my white flats. I think the flats are too casual for this dress.Plus I do not like white shoes with this dress.

I want the eyes on this dress and its print and not on my feet. This the white shoes brings eyes down toward my feet.

I think the white pair highlight my feet and take away from the dress.
In this picture, I have on a pair of blue flats. I like the blue flats better than the white pair. The blue pair have a cute bow on them. Plus the dark shoe blends in better with my dress.

These white wedges but I do not think they work with this dress. There is white in the dress, but it makes my feet standout. I think a darker color shoe works better.
The following two pictures show the two black open toe heels. The black shoes work much better because they blend in with the dress and keep the focus on my dress.