September 16, 2014 - Shopping

It has been three months, since my last post. My work was frantic. But today is the second day I went out in femboy mode.... and I love it!

The first time, I tried it last Tuesday and had no looks or negative issues. I even had a lady at CVS refer to me as "ma'am" before correcting to "sir". I ignored it but said "yeah!" inside.

I was out all day shopping and having fun. It is great showing my feminine side and mixing it with my male side. I do not change my voice except its a little softer. But I still talk with people and I am not noticed. Well maybe a little, but who cares.

I wore :

• my black fem sneakers from payless shoes
• nude knee hi socks - too old school - to me stocking legs still look great
• grey leggings from Walmart
• I bought this nice green and tan belt from a thrift store - even the clerk complimented me on finding that belt
• Green hoodie
• Tan tee shirt
• grey hat - added "children first" pin for color
• pearl-like earrings
• necklace with gold heart
• green bracelet
• silver ring

There was no way people did not know I was a fem and male mixed. I did not wear makeup, except for a little clear lip gloss and I brushed my sculpted eyebrows. That was it, no foundation, no eye makeup or wig. I keep my hair shaved, so I just wear a fem hat.

I am currently having my beard removed and after two years I am toward the end, so my beard  shadow is very light. I can go one week with out shaving. I use to have to shave every day or twice a day, if in fem mode.

I am going to get new glasses and one pair will be very fem for days like this.

My ears appeared pierced, but they are not. I take earrings and cut the back stems and I use nail glue to glue the base on my ear lobes. It works great.

I keep my nails a little long and I take good care of them. I keep them sculptured and buffed.

I went to CVS to buy some paper towels, Goodwill and Value Village to expand my fem clothes, lunched at Jersey Mikes and gas for the car.

It took all day because I got caught in two bad traffic jams, due to car accidents. One was on the Interstate which shut down for 20 minutes.

I enjoy this look so much. I never has so much fun and felt so at ease.  Shopping for fem clothes and trying them on without guilt was great.

This reflects who I am inside and for the first time, it felt right. I will definitely do this more and more. I wish my friend Maxine was alive to join me out and about.

We need to support each other.

Over the past year, I have made a concerted effort to say something positive to women.

I have been reading about women who as part of their daily life, hear and/or feel harassed  while in public by men (called street harassment).

It happens to us as transwomen and we do not understand that part of our daily harassment is something women feel almost everyday since probably early teens. As a male teen in the 1960's and 1970's, it was considered part of showing off your manhood by verbally "harassing" women.

Of course we did not look at it that way. But I remember being with friends in public and saying suggestive things to women in public. Or yelling out of a car window while passing women.

Now that the heels are on the other foot, I understand the unwanted attention and why some women dress down when out in public.

I now want to be part of the solution.

So now when I see a woman who has taken the time (I know about that) to look nice. I will give them a "womanly" compliment. I am not trying to "hit on them" but I want to say something that will hopefully make their day. I will say something positive about their hair color or style, clothes, shoes, nails and overall appearance. Its usually quick and no response is required. However, most women smile and say thank you.

I hope my compliment will offset some jerk who may harass them during the day.

Thanks to the success of the LGBT movement, 99.99% of people say nothing to you during the day when in girl mode. But that one person who gives you that look or says something negative can mess up your whole day or at least throw your confidence off.

Then it occurred to me. When I see a transgendered person, I should go out of my way to give her a compliment, whether I read them or not.

I may make a mistake, so I compliment them just like any other women.

I was at a restaurant in guy mode and my waiter was a thin young man who was broadcasting female signals through his mannerism and overall style. I first complimented him on his eyes. Later, I told him I was a trans women crossdressing as a guy :-}.

I was on my way to my electrologist. That was the first time I just came out and told someone in a matter-of-fact way.

He asked if we could talk for a few minutes. We talked and I gave him my history and what it was like in the 60's, 70's and 80's for transgender people. As we talked, I realized that it is important that we need to come out (even in guy mode) so that we can help each other, especially the younger ones.

I did not preach but I told him the importance of higher education and how it helped me. I told him about my cousin who was my age who quit high school and later prostituted, only to die of AIDS in 1984.

I real felt good after our talk. We exchanged phone numbers and told him he can call me anytime. Even though I doubt he will, at 18, I hope I had a positive impact on his life.

So now I compliment women all the time, especially seeking out transgender women. It helps me feel closer to womanhood and hopefully make someones day.

Wearing makeup everyday

I started wearing clear makeup everyday. You may wonder why clear makeup?

I wanted to add this to my daily morning regime. 

First, its good practice to learn how to put on mascara everyday.

Second, I need to get use to wearing it every day and how it feels.

Third, I need to learn to keep my hands away from my face and how activities can affect my makeup. For example, I learned from Dr. Oz, to wipe of lipstick before I eat. Then after I eat, I reapply it.

Fourth, I need to check my makeup throughout the day. I keep a tube of lip gloss in my car.

I love doing this every morning. I have had no issues about the makeup because my glasses cover my eyes and no one has mentioned my lip gloss.

I remove my makeup before I go to the gym because of the sweating.

Below are the two products I use.

Once I finish my electrolysis, I plan on adding a clear foundation and light blush. 

Tanning

The Atlanta weather is finally turning hot.

One of my problems is that I dress is guy mode and my skin color is two different shades. My arms and face are darker than the rest of my body.

I shave the hair off my body and when I go to the gym, my saved legs are lighter than my arms and face.

I love my legs, but my color is off. I catch some people at the gym looking. I do not know or care if its because they are smooth or so light or maybe both.

Well today and tomorrow, I am going to use the Atlanta sun to tan my whole body.

I set up a small mattress outside and placed a wall of blakets on two sides. The third side faces the house and the forth side faces the woods.

I showered and put the usual lotion on. I waited until noon, when the sun had moved into the back yard. I setup my "tanning bed", removed my clothes and put on my robe.

Once on the outside mattress, I took off my robe and  laid in the hot sun. It does not take me long to tan. I decided to turn over every five minutes. It was HOT. I did front and back twice. I was sweating alot.

It worked. I now have a nice tan over my whole body. After I finished I took a nap and then  shower, finishing with baby oil all over.

It was fun. I felt like the girls I use to see sun bathing growing up. I thought about what would I say if some guy came up to me to talk, while I was sun bathing at the pool or beach. You are laying out there so unprotected. Now I know why girls tan together. Its not just to socialize.

I am going to tan again today, to get a little darker.

For those wondering, some African Americans need to tan. We just do not need to tan for long or often.

So Busy

I am so busy and time moves so fast. This is why I must move forward, if I am going to become more fem. 50+ will turn to 60 then 70 before I know it.

Got back from Dallas and my face looks and feels great. I found a way to get back and forth via the Megabus. They changed their bus schedule which forced me to fly to Dallas. I can still make the return trip, which I did, but the Atlanta to Dallas leg changed.

My way to get to Dallas, is by taking the new 6:30 am Atlanta to Memphis bus. Then the 4:00 pm Memphis to Dallas. This gets me into Dallas at midnight. Then I can take the train to the hotel.

In May, e3000 is moving. So my hotel will change. I use to get in at 6:30 am, the morning of my appointment. Now I get in the night before, so I will get a good night rest at the hotel. Also, I will use a new hotel because of the new location. I can no longer walk, but a few of the area hotels have a free shuttle to e3000.

I can tell, my time at e3000 is coming to an end. My face no longer has a 5pm shadow. I can go a week without shaving. I will miss them. They are the first business and individuals to always relate to me as a women and Susan.

I dress feminine for my appointment day. But because I can not wear makeup or wig during the appointment and I end up presenting as a feminine guy. It is fun to put together a femguy wardrobe. I had a few looks during my walk, but nothing negstive. I do not know or care what those looks were about.