Monday, May 9, 2016

Monday May 9, 2016 - Rough Mother's Day

I woke up Sunday and just did not feel like getting out of bed. I realized I have been feeling blue all weekend. Going to the gym helped on Saturday, but I felt glued to the bed.

Then I realized that this was my first Mother's Day without my mother. The last 10 years have been rough compared to my first 50 years. I always knew what I wanted to do and was motived to move upward.

But 10 years ago, at 49, my Dad died and I have been kind of wandering around since then. Of course, 6 years ago I decided to start this journey but I lack the hard driving motivation in all areas. Part of this is due to age but I think part of it is due to not having my parents around. I am the oldest child and always want to prove I was equal to the task. I want to prove that I was equal to my Dad and worthy of his name.

Now that they are not here, I can finally be who I am. Maybe that is why I am worried about coming out to my friends and people who knew my parents. They may think by doing this, I am not measuring up to my Dad. Plus I am changing my name.

I need to break this last mental chain. I start HRT next month and there will be no turning back.

I finally got out of bed motivated to move forward. I turn 60 in July and I want to spend the last 25 years as Susan.

I realized I have not shown much of me (in boy mode) or my family. I am going to introduce my family today. It sort of another way I am going out.

Ten years ago was another milestone because I was on a game show called Deal or No Deal.

Below is a excerpt from that show that I recently found on you tube. This was 2006, three months after my Dad passed and four years before I started this journey.

They say TV adds a few pounds! LOL

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