Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Wednesday November 25, 2015 - Thoughts on my Saturday out with my daughter.

Saturday was an amazing day. When you are dressed as a regular guy, you get dresses and go out to interact with the world. You make sure you are dressed appropriately for your activities, but you are not wondering if you are walking right or what others think of your choice of socks. Compare that to dressing in the opposite gender and you worry about everything. Slowly you learn to fit in. But you still worry about your beard shadow, big feet, big hands...etc.

Saturday, I did not care about any of that. It was as though I was in boy mode. I just interacted with my daughter and the world. I knew I looked good and I was comfortable in my appearance. And the world ignored me.

At Goodwill, while my daughter and I were trying on clothes, there was a set of five young girls in their late teen or early 20's. They were also trying on items. I felt like part of a fashion show. We did not interact but everyone was trying on items and getting opinions. For my daughter and I, we gave opinions of different items we tried on. This allowed me to get a second opinion and try new more daring items, just to see what she thought.

At dinner, it was two women talking about makeup, clothes, family issues and style. She says that she tells her co-workers that she gets her style from me.

Now that all of  my daughter's grandparents have died, she talked about wishing she could ask them some questions she never asked. I told her I feel the same way about my grandparents. With my parents gone, I wish I could ask them some questions. So, I told her to remember to ask me any questions now while I am still around for the next 25 years to answer. I am that link between my offspring and ancestors.

Our discussion made me more determined to get those old 8MM and 16MM reels of film digitized.

A big new issues that came up was how did I want to be addressed by her in public. She has always called me dad, but should she still call me Dad, Susan or something else.

I noticed in Goodwill, she called me Dad. I thought about it and decided I am her Dad. I am not her Mom nor aunt. By calling me Dad, anyone hearing her would know I am a Transwomen. Guess what, they probably already know that. So I decided Dad was appropriate and I did not correct her. We discussed this at dinner and she said that she wants me to be comfortable and I told her the same thing. So calling me Dad was OK.

My daughter did mention that she did not know how to react to certain situations because she did not know how I would feel. I told her to follow her heart and what she feels like doing. I will follow her lead. This will allow me to get out of my normal comfort zone and learn.

Just like calling me Dad, I had to make a quick decision and adjust. It will setup unique situation that will make it easier for me in the future.

We both decided to do this again. But with Thanksgiving, my mother's memorial, Christmas and New Year, it looks like January before I can get there again.

I can not wait.

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