Saturday, April 9, 2016

Saturday April 9, 2016 - Susan's Day out

It's spring break and my grandkids at in Orlando at Disney with their parents and my sister. I finally got a good nights sleep. I woke up at 10:45 am, which I had not done in 8 months. I only have until the end of May, then my daughter's family will be gone.

So I am late getting this post up.

I am so happy that I am presenting as Susan today. I have some cleaning to do first. Then I am going to get dressed and go shopping with my new friend. I will call her Karen.

We are going to spend the afternoon and early evening shopping and just doing girl stuff.

Thursday we met and had dinner and a movie. I was in boy mode. We had a great talk about my transitional plan. I told her that I am looking forward to HRT for the mental changes. I want to see the world as a female.

Up until 7th grade I use to cry when I got emotional. Guys use to call me a cry baby. So I remember that going into Jr. High, I told myself I would stop crying and be a "man".

 In order to do that, I had to disconnect from my emotions. Now 46 years later, I am looking forward to connecting back to my emotions. I want to cry and see the beautiful colors and connect to people on a more emotional level.

That is where the guy talk comes in. I told Karen I find women attractive. I do not find men attractive. When I am out as Susan or in boy mode, women still catch my eye. I noticed last time, as Susan, men give me that look. I thought it was a look of "oh a men in a dress". She said no, it was a look of attraction. I had no idea.

I found that so interesting and profound. When we begin to present as a female, we are still perceiving our public interactions through a male lense. I think sometimes we are distorting the response from people while presenting female.

The guy stuff was interesting because I was talking to her about what guys really think and how they are motivated. She told me, I am like a girl just starting out as a pre-teen or young teen. I do not have the history to understand how people are interacting with Susan, especially men. I am looking forward to learning, but she told me to be careful and that this is one reason why young girls go out in groups.

I use to think I did not need a therapist. I have changed my mind. Having someone to really talk to helps. I may seek a profession therapist this summer. But in the meanwhile, having Karen as a friend really helps.

Karen is the lady I met at them same time my mother passed in Orlando. It's like my mother sent this person to help me with my transition.

My next few posts will be about my shopping trip.

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